Nigerian Weddings And Plenty Senrenre

Opinion

Recently, a friend of mine told me her sister and her fiancé had begun planning to get wedded in August. Two days later, the fiancé proposed at a Chinese Restaurant. Hearing of this, I asked why there was a need for a proposal after plans for the wedding had commenced. You are probably thinking I’m…

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Recently, a friend of mine told me her sister and her fiancé had begun planning to get wedded in August. Two days later, the fiancé proposed at a Chinese Restaurant. Hearing of this, I asked why there was a need for a proposal after plans for the wedding had commenced. You are probably thinking I’m the bad guy now; well, she thought so too.

It made me think about all the ‘feferity’ we see in Nigerian weddings nowadays. I even conducted a poll among my friends asking if they would still propose or want to be proposed to after starting plans for their wedding and why, if yes. There was some balance between the Yays and the Nays. The females in the Yay camp said they would want a proposal still because they want the thrill, the element of surprise – although there was obviously nothing to be surprised about anymore – and it would make them feel special. I asked why the man’s choice to commit the rest of his life to them didn’t make them feel special enough, why they needed the ‘thrill’ of a proposal to feel special, I got the response ‘you sef!’ followed by silence. One of the males said he was too romantic to skip the proposal while the others drifted among ‘it’s the normal thing to do’, ‘it would make her happy and give her a story to tell’ and ‘it would serve to fulfil all righteousness’. All of that only solidified my view of recent Nigerian weddings and my belief that a lot of people now engage in wedding theatrics for the wrong reasons.

I will use the Yoruba wedding as my reference point. The Yoruba tribe is one of the most dominant in Nigeria and Yorubas are particularly known for their flair for parties, popularly called ‘owambe’. This, amongst others, is a reason why the celebration of a couple’s union is a great deal in Yorubaland. In the not-so-distant past, the routine of the Yoruba wedding involved the couple – when they concluded they were ready to become more than mere boyfriend and girlfriend – having an Introduction ceremony at which both nuclear families would meet to choose a date for the wedding. When the time for the proper wedding came, an engagement ceremony, a religious ceremony and a reception party would take place within a weekend or sometimes, within a week. Despite the Yoruba people’s flair for parties and flamboyance, weddings were regarded sacred and many people kept them low-key or moderately publicised because of superstitions and beliefs that it would increase chances of the couple being targeted by evil people.

That tradition has been greatly modified in recent times, not only for Yoruba weddings, but for Nigerian weddings in general. At a point in a relationship, the man believes he’s ready to tie the knot and that his woman wants him enough to want the same, so he proposes. In some cases, the woman does the proposal or even forces it but those are not the foci today. The usual proposal nowadays involves both emotions and glamour on variable scales. It is rather too common to find the man seeking new, jaw-dropping ways to wow his woman, involving family and friends, investing funds, technique, time and every other resource available. Not only has the proposal become a standard to uphold, it has also been set a certain way that many men feel like they have to aspire to get a distinction grade for their efforts. Some women wouldn’t even accept a less-than-ordinary proposal with a big rock to match, many have exotic locations outside Nigeria high on the list of places they dream for their hands to be asked in marriage.

If she says yes, the engagement period officially commences, then an introduction ceremony which is sometimes almost as big as the wedding itself, is held. Extended families and friends are invited, and it’s norm to find a common attire, the ‘aso-ebi’, at these occasions. During the countdown to the proper engagement and wedding ceremonies, pre-wedding shoots, #XXXY2016 trends, features on BellaNaija or some other blog and bridal showers may be done, depending on the couple’s wants and financial capacity.

The proper wedding affair is not devoid of all the preceding flamboyance. In addition to the aso-ebi, the ‘Yoruba demon attire’- a well-tailored white or black agbada donned by males attending a wedding – is a growing trend among young Nigerians. Regardless of the wearer’s roots, it’s a sure way to slay anytime. The couples being celebrities is even a major plus as this means a wedding outside the country is more likely. Privacy has to give way to massive media coverage and the presence of colleagues in the entertainment industry just might result in the wedding eventually becoming a mini-concert. A modern twist even involves the date of the religious or so-called ‘white’ wedding put some months after the engagement ceremony.

Some people go as far as spending most or all of their savings on an excessive wedding, only to go broke afterwards. A few months ago, a man complained on social media about his fiancée’s plan to spend 15million Naira on their wedding instead of investing some of the money on a car and his masters’ program. It is now a weird thing for anyone to say they don’t want a big wedding. Big proposals have become ‘the norm’. Women aspire to be BellaNaija Brides. The guests care more about their aso-ebi and being on fleek than the true happiness of the couple.

With so much attention paid to the unification of two people, it is sad that separation and divorce rates are on a constant rise. It seems to me that people get lost in the thrill of wedding celebrations and lose sight of those things that are truly important: love, unity and commitment. Many couples focus on extravagance and don’t even think twice about their vows or upholding them after the wedding. Some don’t even think deeply about the new lives they are about to start. We love weddings so much that the institution of marriage has begun to lose its essence to us. When all the layers of glitz are peeled away, what usually remains are two people who are actually clueless about how to make a marriage work. This is not a post to shame big or luxurious weddings, this is only meant to be a reminder of the true essentials: both parties’ unwavering determination to ensure a lifetime of happiness together.

What do you think about our Nigerian weddings?

 

Image via Travel Start

Responses

  1. Ayanfe
    Well said 👏👏. Why would one go ahead to propose after picking wedding date? The money for the “feferity” let’s use it for something else like opening an account for the babies that would follow.

    Most Nigerian (yoruba) weddings = feferity + highly expensive

    Everybody wants to slay. Slay than the bride sef.

    I’m hoping to have a super small and cute wedding. We don’t even need the entire extended family to be present.

    Wait. Where’s my Chapman? I prefer coke tho✌✌

    1. Ray

      There you go ma’am.
      ‘Slay than the bride sef.’ hahaha I couldn’t have said it better myself.
      I’m definitely having a small wedding too.
      Thanks for reading, dear.
  2. Jo!
    Errrrrrm, in which “Yoruba Culture” are weddings regarded “sacred” and kept “low key”?
    Looooool. The ONLY reason people do that is if they get a direct “prophecy”. By default, Yoruba’s believe weddings in particular should be an “aye a gbo, Orun a mo” (Literal translation – earth will hear, the heavens will know) affair.
    So, No, weddings have always been potential carnivals to Yoruba people, by default. I mean, it is like taboo to not invite EVERY member of your extended family to a wedding. You forget one person, you’ll be making up for it for eternity.
    Except someone died sha, or the family just isn’t into drama, or like previously mentioned, “prophecy”. LOL
    1. Ray
      Well, that’s why I didn’t say every Yoruba wedding was done low-key. But I do get your point. It actually makes me wonder: Is it that people don’t get those prophesies anymore or do they just choose not to heed them?
  3. St
    Like I always say…. The Marriage is a million times more important than the wedding.

    Like “jumping the broom”…. Their wedding, Our Marriage!

    Beyond the turn up feel and the glamour, the real purpose of marrying(whatever yours is) should never be forgotten.

    Awesome write up!

    1. Tayo
      Yes, marriage is more important than the wedding but society nowadays fail to recognize that. It’s unfortunate that those getting married are more focused on being featured on marriage blogs than actually planning for the future ahead. After spending all your money on wedding, all your guests will leave and it’s just gonna be you and your spouse to worry about the financial mess you put yourselves in because you want to be the talk of the town
  4. damilola
    I love that someone is raising this issue,all attention is paid towards making the wedding the talk of the town rather preparing for a life time with one another. The rate at which couples stress themselves over wedding cannot even be compared to how much work towards keeping the marriage afterwards. I feel loud and expensive weddings are nothing but show-off and are highly unnecessary. There is nothing wrong with a small cute wedding so long as you both are happy
  5. Tuneri
    Nice one, u spoke my mind for real.. However, I think people are more worried about the ceremony than the actual union of two people these days, I won’t be surprised to read about high divorce or separation rates statistics in the future among these yoots…
    Anyways, I love me a proper owambe, so my own big day go loud gan.. but who else noticed that parents usually claim not to have money until it’s time for wedding owambe
  6. Mimi
    Ray, better dnt start here!!! Yes most people are getting married for the wrong reasons this days. Most people just get married for the gram, or because they are or for some excuse..some because they must sell asoebi..my photographer friend told me of two weddings–the first, they had a very lavish party..even had pre wedding shoot in oriental hotel (paying 100k to use the hotel for pictures o) but when he went to their house to give them their photobook..the place was empty except for a white plastic chair…they had spent all the money on wedding…the second had a lavish trad in owerri in august and ‘divorced’ before the white wedding in December…so really, i agree..it’s more of the ‘feferity’ for some people BUTTTTTT it’s not bad to have a proposal even after plans are going on…it makes the lady feel special and all that…even if it is just ‘i love u oya let’s get married’…there shld b a proposal….
    1. Ray
      Lmaooooo I knew you were Coming for me!
      It’s not bad to have a proposal o but what’s this special feel it gives that the thoughts of just being with him doesn’t give?
  7. Ayomide
    Nicely written, this echoes my sentiments. Its called being human, we focus on the light forgetting the real essence.
  8. Doll
    My thoughts exactly! Nicely written. Anytime I bring up this topic with my family members, they look at me like I’m an alien. Weddings have now turned to wealth meters (we must show we are not poor by a big wedding).

    Posted from TNC Mobile

    1. Ray
      Oh when I say I want a small wedding with Less than 100 guests hosted on a weekday so a lot of people will not want to ditch work to attend, a lot of my friends think I’m crazy.
  9. Jummiebee
    Haha. I love this.
    I think it’s completely irrelevant to have a proposal after plans have started. What then are you proposing? That the wedding not be cancelled? 😒
    Big weddings are nice and all but I think the couples need to understand the real purpose of marriage.
    As for me, my mother is the one that wants a big party and she will be paying for it. I really can’t be bothered.
    1. Olushola
      Hi, jummiebee, I should be the husband you know? You mom can’t be that hard, we just need to convince her to release the funds to us for better planning, we can do business with those funds, especially now that money is cost.
      Blessed is the wise servant.
  10. dexter
    Ermmmm….so quiet weddings don’t break up abi. Because the narrative is big wedding will quickly end in divorce and everybody is jinxing the poor couple

    Well what I have come to find out is family and friends make up a wedding when you have plenty well you have plenty and you have plenty. I really feel narrative of “loud weddings ” is misinterpreted. What is loud to some people is just normal Sunday visitors in some people’s house, and if somebody is breaking the bank to do wedding just to impress others well that is another story entirely don’t blame it on “wedding”. I really think people should be allowed to have their dream wedding anyhow they see fit….biko it is only once let them indulge themselves jare.my opinion sha

    1. Ray
      Lol no one said small weddings don’t break up, just look at Toke Makinwa’s.
      Like I said in the post, this is not to shame big weddings. I just think many people focus on the less relevant things.
    2. SeryxMe
      Bro, chill and read the post again. The ‘narrative’, if any, isn’t that it is confirmed that big weddings mean the marriage will fail, it is that there’s too much focus these days on all the activities leading to weddings than what it entails to really be married to someone for a long time and this is true. Let’s just say it’s a wake-up call saying, “if you’re getting married, be sure you really know what you’re getting into because the wedding day is just one day (or a few days).” The truth is, many people don’t know this, or think about it well enough. Otherwise, many weddings wouldn’t have even happened at all in the first place.
  11. Skeptic
    Two words; External Validation. It’s a most human thing really, we all do it, just in varying degrees and in different scenarios.

    It’s the reason you ask your friend if your outfit looks good despite having already checked yourself out in the mirror a thousand times, it’s the reason why it feels good when someone you like tells you you’re good looking, even though you’ve known it your entire life. The public engagement is just a blown out version of the same thing.

    I mean, it’s all easy to say we should seek validation from the inside and all, but it’s not at all easy to, if at all possible. We don’t live in a vacuum, we are social beings. Is it the best of qualities? I don’t know, probably not. But I’m not here to condone or condemn, just explain. Like I said, it’s a most human thing.

  12. Kayode
    On the one hand, you can understand these things because it is the interaction of people that births norms. So by their actions, people privilege the ceremony over the actual process of marriage, then well.

    One thing I will never understand though is how anyone in their right mind, with all their vital screws in place and tight, imagines it is sane to have a proposal after having begun to plan the wedding. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? What is there to propose again? It’s like conception happening before sex has been had (when you’re not Mary). It’s madness, and people who do this or who nurse this idea need to be lined up face down, their bottoms bared, and whipped back to their senses.

  13. Cavey
    Where to start…
    First of, I think if the ‘essence’ of a proposal is understood, then no one would still think it necessary if wedding date has already been set. I mean, it is a declaration of intent; outright saying “I choose you to spend the rest of my days with” (even if it lasts as long as the validity period of data plans). What’s the point of proposing when you already have a date set?! Or who are you proposing to, your intended or the camera?
    Secondly in a wedding, whether BN worthy or done in a church’s basement, the only things important are the Mr. & Mrs. and their promise to each other to make the wedding the most ‘unhappy’ day of their marriage (what I mean is, the happiness they feel on that day be the least they feel throughout the marriage). Every other ‘feferity’ is just that and shouldn’t hold too much sway in determining the success of the marriage.
    But what do I know if these things?
    Beautifully written, (although I already told you this😏)
      1. Cavey
        Like I said, it’s all about understanding the intent/significance of a proposal. Biko what date are we setting? How did we get there if I didn’t propose? How do you know I wasn’t leading you on/having fun with you without the commitment of a proposal?
  14. SeryxMe

    So to the post, this is what happens when decide to write for us to read – we gush because you write so well. I hope we can keep reading from you like every other week. Please consider. Thanks.

    Now, really to the post. I’ve never been a fan of big weddings, even if I know that I’ll probably eventually succumb to what bae wants if I can’t get her to reason with me about having a small wedding. I’ve never really liked all the noise and I’m more a background person, I prefer to make things work from behind the scene. I’ve even had it in my head that if I had so much money than I know what to do with before I get married, I’d prefer a private wedding in a remote, probably exotic, location with just a few family and friends in attendance. That’s how lowkey I like to be.

    As for proposals, I think it should happen as circumstances permit but should not become a standard people have to aspire to. The basic essence is to confirm that the person you want to spend the rest of your life with also wants the same, so whether you ask in the privacy of your bedroom or in an exotic restaurant in Maui shouldn’t matter. If you can afford the loud type, by all means, go ahead. But if not, do the basic thing and propose as you can without unnecessary drama.

    I agree with you that there’s too much focus on the ‘senrenre’ than the marriage itself which makes the essence of life after the wedding day often lost to many married couple. I think if many of us really think deeply about what spending the rest of our lives with someone actually means, we wouldn’t be too bothered about how big our wedding is.

    It is clear that not having a big wedding does not guarantee marital success and neither does having one say the marriage will fail. But the point is, the number of those really concerned about the wedding day far outweighs those who are concerned about the marriage itself, hence the reason why divorce rates will keep going up. We probably now need a school of marriage, maybe people will attend and understand what marriage is about before going in. Or maybe we’ll just start with writing more marriage posts on here. At least, we know people will read TNC. 😀

    Just my thoughts.

  15. SleeK
    Good piece. Valid thoughts shared. Others have expressed the inanity behind a proposal after wedding plans have been set in motion, so i will not say much about that.
    Left to me, i want my wedding to simply entail an introduction/engagement where both families formally meet and join their children. Maybe a small reception afterwards. Add to that a visit to the registry and we are done. Closest thing to a church wedding would be a priest/pastor coming to the house to ‘bless’ the union. I don’t intend to do much else. Hopefully, whoever decides to marry me is as crazy as i am.
    Nonetheless, it is up to whoever to wed whichever way such an individual deems fit. Just know that a marriage is a whole nine yards longer than a wedding.
  16. dapo
    wait. wait. what’s this? we need perspective. you’re trying to affect Alhaja Alaso at Gbagi market; the tailors, the hausa that will put “ise” on the agbada; the IG ministry, the Barber who puts respeck on our hair,…. and most important of all, my Lagos big boy white guinea nor the yoruba demon agbada will not wear themselves. this is a booming industry. let’s marry. I mean you people should goan marry and let’s come and celebrate with you. , it is a well-thought piece.
  17. fayte
    Lol. This is well spoken. There is no other swag hat hasn’t been done so please….let’s go back to small weddings. My dream is to use our random day to day pix on social media in place of a planned photo sessions. I hear of fights that go on behind the scenes of those romantic photoshoots. I love random tho. Apart from my siblings who are all married, no uniformed group on both trade and white wedding, no train except little bride n groom n the house boy and girl behind us. Lol. Food is served immediately after the church service. If there must be cake,only one tier and I’m a baker. Hehe. Not all those cakes are really cakes o. Then, I’ll just dance my life away while I warm up to present my lifelong gift….. Oshe!!!
    But that’s just in my head as my family says all I have to do is appear in white that day. My mum says its gonna be homecoming as a last born and my sisters say all they couldn’t do, I’ll do. I laugh in Efik. Till then…
  18. Butterflymind
    The only thing pissing me off is that photo attachment. Like who tha heck snapped that? And whose wedding was it? The composition is so dreadful I couldn’t get past it to read the actual article 😬
  19. Leray
    Honestly I’m not fazed by the Weddings craze. A lot of people put pressure for Business and the societal reasons that have no benefit to the couple. People would always push ideas much like the hawkers in traffic offering you Gala and LaCasera

    It is up to them to decide what they want within their budget. Part of the maturity that qualifies you for getting married is to be able to stave off societal pressure..

    Nice piece Rach

  20. Larz
    Two things to correct in your article:

    1. Owambe may have started by the Yorubas bjt I believe it is or should now be a national word like kuli kuli, ugwu (btw- does anyone call ugwu by other names), suya etc.

    2. Introduction in traditional times were never about two nuclear families. Key extended family members such olori ebi (leader of the clan) for most family members must be present too. Limiting to nuclear family members only started when naija ppl in the city started to worry about ppl from their village.

    Back to responding to your post…
    As much as I am not a big fan of owambes, I think, they are here to stay so we should just sit back, relax and enjoy it. Any couple pressured into having the type of wedding that they dont want are not ready for marriage. Of course, if one of them wants a lavish wedding and the other does not, then they should negotiate and reach an agreement both are comfortable with. We should be matured enough to make key decisions about our future on our own esp one that requires that much money.

    Posted from TNC Mobile

  21. bumight
    Since when has it come to mean a big wedding equates to no.focus on marriage. The work of working on your marriage is something you do daily till the last day of your marriage, even as it begins way before you meet your spouse.
    Can we stop assuming big wedding =breakup and big wedding = no focus on marriage.
    I’m not a fan of carnival weddings myself, but a small wedding doesn’t gaurantee anything.
    1. seryxme
      I still do not see where you are drawing this conclusion from, except maybe you’re not replying the post. Because I find it hard to see where she expressly said big weddings = breakup and small weddings = success. There are many things to respond to in the post and, frankly, that isn’t one of them.

      Clearly, there are no guarantees in marriage, but you cannot deny the fact that many people getting married today have no idea what they’re getting into, yet when it comes to wedding planning, we all seem to know exactly what we want or how big we want it to be. That’s the crux right there.

      Like I said, if you weren’t directly responding to what the author wrote, then I apologize for jumping the gun.

      1. Bumight
        I came to a second order conclusion. Why do you assume that people getting into marriage don’t know what they’re getting themselves into? The “focus on marriage” that is done (to the couple’s best ability) is not done in public. Also with wedding planning, as with any purchase, you go to the market knowing exactly what you want.
        Marriage planning on the other hand is different, even the well planned marriages have their challenges, does that then mean people should not celebrate weddings?
        My point is, this topic has been overflogged, with most people coming to the same conclusion. However, almost ALL cultures celebrate weddings with fanfare – whatever the fanfare of their time was. I do agree though that it should be done with a bit of common sense.
        1. SeryxMe
          Ah! So it’s second order conclusion. I really don’t think it’s a correct conclusion because, as far as I can tell, no one has stated that specifically. And I personally don’t think it’s nice to make conclusions for people and then argue against the conclusions you made for them.

          This comment, however, specifically discusses the points in the post, so I’ll oblige. On overflogging the issue, I really don’t know who you’ve been discussing with but it’s clear from the comments that the point of view expressed in the post isn’t quite popular, at least in some places, so, no it isn’t overflogged.

          Now, that question of assuming people getting into marriage don’t know what they’re getting into is no assumption at all. It’s what many of us have experienced with married people – friends, family – and even from talking to unmarried friends. I can tell you for a fact that most people I know are carried away by the wedding day plans rather than the marriage itself. I’ve heard of regrets after the first few months/years. There’s even no basic agreement on how they want to raise the kids, or finances and stuff that really matter. Working at a marriage is a daily job, agreed, but there are some basic things that should be discussed before even agreeing to tie the knot that many don’t or push till after all the wedding wahala is done.

          However you look at it, the marriage is always going to be more important than the wedding, and as a result, deserves much more thought than many give it today. Celebrating weddings isn’t the problem, so the point about other cultures celebrating it is moot. The problem is that it seems more important to many people these days than the actual marriage. I still think that if many know how much work it takes to make a marriage work, concerns about how big a wedding is, or should be would go down.

          If you’re going to buy a house you’d live in for a long time, you plan most importantly on how you want it to look and all the things you want to put in it to make it as comfortable as possible for you and your family, planning for the housewarming ceremony comes after, and many people don’t even have one, especially if they struggled to build the house in the first place.

          Again, the concern here is not about celebrating or not celebrating. The proposal issue discussed in the post expresses the point clearly. Many people want big proposals but do not have a genuine reason why they do, and that’s just precursor to the wedding.

          1. Ray
            I really don’t need say anything more than you have you are all the Voltron I need. Thanks.
          2. Bumight
            Where do I start from?
            A second order conclusion does not mean I made up the conclusion.
            “With so much attention being paid to the unification of two people, it is sad that separation and divorce rates are constantly on the rise”
            On overflogging the issue, it’s no secret that every major blog has an article on marriage, weddings and that’s all that’s constantly talked about on Twitter.
            There’s such a thing in research known as “selection bias”. Just as you know so many people who didn’t plan for marriage, what about the number of people that planned and failed?
            How do you assess the adequacy of someone’s planning for marriage in order to weigh it against their planning for the wedding.
            Maybe it was the way the article was written (spending so much time discussing the flamboyance of weddings and then concluding with high divorce rates), but it’s not hard to connect the dots.
            My point is: you cannot assess someone’s “adequate preparation for marriage” by the flamboyance of their wedding. Both big and small marriages fail.
            People who have been married for longer will tell you that after they got into marriage, they realized how much unprepared they were-despite their adequate preparations.
            It is perfectly ok to know that marriage takes work AND want a big wedding (so long as you can afford it). The two are not mutually exclusive.
          3. SeryxMe
            I believe there’s a reason it’s called ‘second’ order. It doesn’t necessarily translate to what is exactly meant. Now that you’ve added a quote from the post, let me add one too:

            “This is not a post to shame big or luxurious weddings, this is only meant to be a reminder of the true essentials: both parties’ unwavering determination to ensure a lifetime of happiness together.”

            And, really, that’s how the post ended. The whole idea of the post is not that big weddings are always going to fail, it is that people are pushing for big weddings because that’s all they seem to want. Another quote:

            “Some people go as far as spending most or all of their savings on an excessive wedding, only to go broke afterwards.”

            See, ehn, I don’t know how you keep seeing an attack on big weddings as failed marriages, but all I see is someone raising a (very valid) point that there’s so much focus on weddings these days than marriages. This second quote tells you why this is a concern. Again, I know a lot of people who did this, selection bias or not. And, believe me, this is becoming the norm.

            Now, weddings happen every weekend. I fail to see how they will not be discussed on social platforms, especially seeing as they are social events. Overflogging, in this case, would have referred to talking about the problem with focusing on big weddings and forgetting about the marriage (which I think is not even nearly discussed enough). But talking weddings, marriage and all everywhere? What do you expect? Maybe you’re new to TNC, go through all the posts and see how “underflogged” it is in comparison.

            On assessing adequacy of preparation, the truth is in the statement “when you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” That simply means not planning at all (which is what most people seem to be doing and the main concern of this post) is setting up to fail, as indicated by the quote you drew from the post. It doesn’t mean planning ensures success, it means planning gives you a better chance at success than not planning. The problem here, from the post, is that many are spending much more planning effort on weddings rather than marriages when it should be the other way round. Again, the focus of the post is not that big weddings fail, it is that focusing more on having a big wedding rather than the marriage will often result in failure. This is why I have an issue with the conclusion you keep drawing about big and small weddings. There was no reference to whether small weddings are better, apart from where she says that it is becoming weird to want one. And this buttresses the fact that people are focusing on big weddings, just because, and that is killing the focus on the marriage itself. This is the problem here, not whether you choose to celebrate it, but whether you’ve really thought deeply about the marriage before going ahead with the wedding. I don’t see how this is not relevant to talk about.

          4. SeryxMe
            , I just don’t like when someone’s thoughts are totally misrepresented. It always sends the wrong message. Most people who read this post saw the exact point you’re trying to make and I’m really surprised at the big wedding vs small wedding conclusion some are drawing. The most anyone could have said here is that your post might confuse people that small weddings are better than big weddings and you’d have clarified or confirmed whether that’s what you’re really saying or not.
  22. Abimbola Adegbite
    1. Articulate thought.
    2. This write up conveys and agree with my thoughts about The difficulty of getting married in Nigeria especially if either of you is from the southern extraction although I heard from unconfirmed sources that there are tribes that get wedding done without “Yoruba sense and Feferity”
    3. I like the fonts believe it or not it makes the write up readable and pleasurable to the eye.
    4. I had in mind a small wedding of 200 people but I got to my wedding venue only to realize that it was bigger than what I had conceived in my mind and 90% of the crowd were not from my wife and I.
    5. Omo you try gan… Many have thoughts but cannot bring themselves to write tackles of writing impeccably with finesse of Messi + R2 on FIFA 16 or the deft accuracy of C.Ronaldo + box of the same game title.
    6. Be sure I put some “respek” on your name when they mentioning bloggers and writers.
    7. Can you a write up on people that abbreviate when they write or type. *just a thought ni o*
    1. Ray
      Awww Bimbo, thank you very much for reading and commenting.

      Well, let’s thank TNC for the great fonts. 😊

      Hahaha writing on people that abbreviate when typing…. I’m not the only one that irks. Let’s just pray inspiration comes. Lol.

  23. Moyo
    Brilliant write-up! I had a conversation about this with a friend just the other day. Lovely to know that other humans share my sentiment is shared. Lol.
  24. Olushola
    Awwwwww. Wow!! Bae writes finally, where have I been?!? *lacks word to say*
    Just remember we may elope if the senrenres become too much.
  25. IfEoLuWa

    So I wondered who Ray was, until I saw d picture…. Seemed like an article that would be written by a guy (no offence intended) cos of d assumed more likelyhood of objectivity when discussing issues like this.
    Well said, d lifetime after wedding is d key issue, rather than d glitz & glamor of d wedding ceremony that people celebrate.
    I’m not aware of any study that links d success of a marriage with d level of extravagance of d wedding ceremony.
    Thus, why not place more emphasis/fincance on life after d wedding, than d over-hyped ceremony itself.
  26. Oluwadunni
    First off, I love how this piece this written. Your delivery is flawless. And then I share the exact same sentiments. I used to think maybe because I’m usually moderate (I don’t like flamboyance of any kind, not even colours), but it’s really just being pragmatic. Why waste so much on proposals and weddings when they have no particular social or economic utility? It’s even those excessive pre-wedding shoots that annoy me. It all boils down to vanity, nothing else.
    If you genuinely have the money, by all means, spend it and conduct a memorable wedding. But don’t carry your just-getting-by ass to borrow loans and spend excessively and unnecessarily just to impress friends and society, because it’s not wise.
    And as you so wisely pointed out, one should focus on more important issues like the quality and thriving of the marriage. Cheers.

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