There Is No Such Thing As ‘Out Of Your League’

I went for a wedding with some friends a fortnight ago where I met this pretty chic. We got talking; I must admit the conversation wasn’t as smooth as I had hoped but I was lucky to cart away with her phone number and social media handles at the end of the day. On our way back…

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went for a wedding with some friends a fortnight ago where I met this pretty chic. We got talking; I must admit the conversation wasn’t as smooth as I had hoped but I was lucky to cart away with her phone number and social media handles at the end of the day.

On our way back home, I was filled with all joy and excitement that overwhelm one when he/she meets a new person. However, my friends were so pessimistic about my chances with the said girl. They all told me, “Guy, forget this girl. You stand no chance, she’s way out of your league.”

I was bemused at their level of pessimism; I mean these guys were alobams. So to feed my curiosity, I asked them a myriad of questions like why do you think she’s out of my league? Is it because you think she’s too “hot” for me? Richer/cooler than me? Too smart or sophisticated? Their answers weren’t convincing so I shouted in my drunkeness, “she’s not out of my league. In fact no girl is out of one’s league so I’m gonna give it a try.”

You see, just like my friends, many people believe leagues exist when it comes to the opposite sex. They seem to think that once a guy/lady is ridiculously attractive, smarter, more ambitious, richer or funnier than them, they are out of their league. Many guys are scared and intimidated to approach such ladies because they feel they don’t stand a chance with them. They find themselves constantly analysing the potential compatibility between themselves and these kind of ladies, oftentimes how can such a person be interested in me? Serves as a valid excuse not to push further.

Contrary to popular belief, leagues are standards set by an individual to protect himself/herself from possible rejection. Standards are subjective; they are based on personal contructs and not completely social constructs. For example, most of us are guilty of asking questions like “how did they end up together?” when we see a person we hold in high esteem with an average or below-average looking partner because we have set certain standards for them.

Back in 2009/2010, some of my female friends were livid when they heard Nigerian A-list actress Genevieve Nnaji was dating singer/entertainer D’banj. Then, Genevieve was bigger than D’banj in terms of celebrity status and international recognition. I wonder what they’d say if Genevieve and D’banj started seeing each other now.

The fact remains that every guy has 50:50 chance of getting a lady’s number or dating a lady but this chance can drop to zero real quick unless one goes for it. All one needs is to gather some liver to approach the lady and say your mind. I mean what’s the worst thing that could happen? She decides to give you a fake number? Lies about an imaginary boyfriend? Ignores your calls? Or politely/coldly turns you down?

Rejections are a norm in life. God has given a man the right to ask the lady out and the lady the right to accept or decline his advances. Everyone has suffered (and will still suffer) rejection in one way or the other. Even the “out of your league” girls we often worry about have their own insecurities. So don’t let rejection thoughts eat you alive when you haven’t even told her how you feel about her yet. She might be interested and patiently waiting for you to make a move or maybe you could go for her and discover she isn’t all that after all. Either way, it is better to try and find out than wondering what if.

We are so hung up on how we see others and the halo effect. Leagues are something we create in our heads. They are an illusion. Nobody is out of your league. Before you limit yourself and say you have no chance of being admitted into that guy’s/lady’s life, try and apply first. You can’t gain admission without applying.

I want to read your success stories and rejection stories in the comment section. Let’s help each other build up our levels of confidence.

Responses

  1. OluOlu
    …the flip side is that she may even be thinking that she is out of your league.
    I’ve had a girl tell me that she didn’t think I would talk to her and I couldn’t imagine why. I was now using style to check maybe I had acquired Dangote’s face over night.
    I’ve also been given the ‘who is the joker look’ followed by some snide remark.
    But the thing is, once those standards are in your head, or the other person’s head, it blocks them from seeing who you really are.
  2. Thirdchief.
    There’s a quote from a movie (I think it’s Hitch) that goes ‘any man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom’.
  3. Can't remember
    This was a bit convincing but when people CONSTANTLY choose people over you, you start trying to protect yourself from having a more battered self esteem. Protecting yourself means not even trying at all, to look your best, to give your best, etc.
    You start thinking perhaps, you were born in a different era. However, the older uncles and aunties are actually worse if you’re privy to candid moments.😂

    There really are different leagues; it’s good to be honest.

  4. mr. smith
    too much film…I believe in life there’s are always exceptions, but for you to tell me leagues only exists in our heads is not true.
    there are some chicks that come around, and straight up I know she’s not in my league and I also see some girls and I know she no dey my league. To me it’s just instinct but like I said, you just might be wrong.
    like phyno talk for obiagu”instead make woman fall my hand I rather not chase.” ( he sang it in Igbo). Mr. writer u didn’t say if u later got the girl o
  5. Eugénie
    Dear Writer, I think you should go out into the streets with a megaphone and bell, spread the goodnews to all man kind. I believe to a certain extent that standards are all in our head (experienced it first hand, some guy I fancied but thought was out of my league suddenly started returning the favour and to be honest, I preferred the idea of him in my head to the actual him!) but then when a certain group of people constantly by-pass you for a particular type, I know for a fact it does not exist in my head…unless of course the world is my head, which would mean you live in my head…which would mean I inspired this article…Inception…I should really stop now.
    1. Arturo Zinga Post author
      I am glad you enjoyed the article. What if the reason you preferred the idea of him to the actual him was because of the mystery and doubts in your head that he’d ever want anything to do with you. And the moment you got him, you became too familiar thus asking yourself, “what was the fuss all about?” After all familiarity, they say, breeds contempt (law of see finish).
  6. Eugénie
    That’s unlikely, I didn’t need to get familiar with him, it was at his initial reciprocation that contempt (so called) began, so the law of see finish does not hold sway here

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