She smiled from across the table. Goofily, he smiled back. The ambience was decent; the food not so much. But he could bear. He WOULD bear. The babe was beautiful. Utterly pretty. He imagined merging his fingertips in a bunch and kissing them. And she was smart too. Really smart. “So what do you think…
She smiled from across the table. Goofily, he smiled back.
The ambience was decent; the food not so much. But he could bear. He WOULD bear. The babe was beautiful. Utterly pretty. He imagined merging his fingertips in a bunch and kissing them. And she was smart too. Really smart.
“So what do you think about the proposed amendments to the ICPC Act?” she asked softly, her voice caressing his sensibilities with every syllable.
“I’m not rrrr really one ffff for politics,” he stammered. This was the third time she’d made him stammer. First she brought up International news, then gist about GDPs around the world. All topics best served in lieu of Valium: tranquilizers.
Ordinarily, he’d be out the door by now but for two things staring him down from across the wooden divide.
And they were not her eyes.
“Boobies for President.” He thought to himself. Suddenly he heard someone speak: “Clearly, you’ll be voting, jerk.” Then he realized that he’d just thought…
“But Eno is fun sha.” Kemi chirped, “And she’s always calling you out on your B.S.” she continued,
“When she isn’t talking politics!” Charles roared. Both women laughed; Charles winced.
“So where are we taking Eno this time? I hope it’s someplace that helps you give more attention to her face though!” Jade never missed a chance to remind him of that awful day.
“Shebi it’s because I told you about it abi?” Charles looked hurt.
“Don’t be like that now. You know I’m only teasing,” Jade pleaded.
“No o! Don’t tell me that. Because I,” Charles stressed, “will not be telling you anything anymore, my dear.”
“Ahn ahn Charles…” before Jade could go further Kemi interrupted.
“Enough, you two! Charles, your date: be nice, be courteous, behave.”
“But I always behave,” he defended.
“Only when they are “B” cups!” Jade shot.
“Grrrr. I’ll so get you Jade. You know I will.”
“For where,” Jade dared him, “You always talk up a storm but you know you can’t do anything to us…”
Kemi grabbed Jade’s wrist. “Oya, playtime’s over. Same time Tuesday, we want deets. Ok Cha-cha?”
2 averagely priced meals, 2 bottles of wine and approximately 48 hours later…
“So… how did it go?” Kemi sounded very bubbly and excited,
“I’m not saying while she’s here.” Charles pointed at Jade while mimicking a child’s facial expression of disgust.
“Oh grow up already,” chastised Kemi. Jade put her arms around his neck and coaxed away:
“Besides, you know you want to.”
“Oh hell! It was great.” Charles broke. Staying mad at either was impossible. Man-being-able-to-predict-the-end-of-the-world impossible.
“Really?” the girls chorused, “Yaaaay!” They were now clapping softly.
“So tell us,” Kemi inquired, “what’s her score?”
“A perfect zero.” Charles quipped.
“Why? I thought you said it went great?!” Jade always knew Charles was fickle with women but still… “What happened Cha-cha?” she asked feigning surprise by rolling her considerable eyeballs. He shook his head in exasperation and replied sternly:
“One. I still hate that name,” cue both ladies giggling, “Two. Sex happened.” He shut his eyes for the inevitable uproar. Ultimately, said uproar came out as a mish-mash of “What?!”, “How!!”, “You dog!!!” and “Silly perv!!!”
Once the first wave was over, he carried on:
“That’s precisely why I couldn’t possibly marry Eno: too sexy! All I wanna do is nail her. And then ply the nail out and nail her again to make sure.”
“You pig! If you weren’t my friend eh…” Kemi was displeased.
“But wait… I thought men always wanted sexy women who desired sex once per weekday, twice on Saturdays and infinitely on Sundays!” Jade yelled just a tad. Sometimes Charles made no sense at all.
“As mistresses, house-girls and superiors at the office? Yes. As wives? No ma’am.” Charles replied expressionlessly.
“All right,” Kemi sighed, clearly defeated, “So who’s next on the list?”
“Ahn ahn. As planned now. Shayo.” Charles supplied, slightly bemused Kemi would forget so quickly.
“Better behave o!” Jade warned, “Cuz if your handling of Eno is any indication, God help Shayo,” she finished.
“Errrm… no!” Charles countered, “If Shayo’s handling of ME – the last time we hooked up at least – is any indication, God help Charles.”
The ladies looked at each other and passed an unspoken resolution before both looking at him and chorusing: “Pig!”
“I love you too, ladies,” he chimed mirthfully. “So…see y’all on Friday?”
*UPDATE: Only just realized I haven’t introduced my guest writer on this series. He’s the one, the only: @cikk0 and I’d just like to give him a huge s/o for pushing my writing skills to a higher height. Hope you guys enjoy it. And for those who missed it, you can read Episode 1 here.