Arm in arm, they walked into the restaurant together. One word: Posh. Yetunde’s eyes widened with surprise. The room was dimly lit but still bright enough for her to notice it was beautifully – and expensively – decorated.
“Charles you didn’t have to” she objected
“But I did. I certainly did,” he responded “You are special and you deserve to be treated well… specially.”
“Hmmm…” she started, “… but Charlie you do know you’re not getting any tonight though,” Charles didn’t miss a beat:
“Of course now… what do you take me for? You think I’m the kind of guy who has to screw everything he takes to a fancy dinner?”
“Well, you used to be…”
“Well, I’ve changed”
“Good for you!” she smiled almost sarcastically.
They were shown to a table in the corner of the room. Once they were seated, Charles spoke up.
“You look exquisite, Yetunde”
“Thank you, Charles,” she replied. Charles let out air from his mouth before continuing…
“Like I said earlier, I’ve changed,” Yetunde’s expression became more serious as she constricted her face and stretched her lips thin.
“Ok…?” she offered tentatively.
“And I was thinking… I’ve gotten too old for that crap I used to pull before. I want to get serious with someone. I want to settle down…”
Yetunde smiled and looked away. In a very low tone, she muttered:
Charles’ house, Friday…
“No wonder, you’re a veritable chic magnet,” Jade said while looking around his living room, “…I see you’ve renovated – yet again. This place is erm… neat!”
“What can I say? I try my best.”
“I’d certainly drop my knickers in this cove anytime!” clearly, Kemi concurred. Jade reduced her eyes to slits and looked sideways to her left where Kemi stood.
“Kemi, the way you are strung these days, you’d drop your knickers in a mai-guard’s shack if asked nicely!”
“I know… it’s not easy o… I could jump a cattle-rearer if he promised at least ten inches of good…”
“Ladies,” Charles interrupted, “before we get carried away, what can I offer you: wine? Juice? Beer? A threesome?”
“Gerrout joo!!!” the ladies yelled in unison.
“Perv,” added Jade for good measure.
A few minutes later and they were all settled on the sofas. The double seater held the ladies while Charles sat solo across them.
“So?” Kemi started.
“So…?” Charles dragged…
Kemi and Jade exchanged rather incredulous looks before staring Charles down.
“You want to make us tickle the gist out of you abi?” Jade teased.
“No, he’s waiting for us to beg: ‘Please Cha Cha tell us about how you knackered Yetunde into submission.'” Kemi’s impression of a secondary school girl was pretty convincing and Charles broke into subdued laughter.
“No, we shaggeth not.” Charles blurted.
“Really?” Kemi was unconvinced.
“Really.” Charles answered.
Jade picked up her phone and made like she was answering a call. She started nodding and muttering: “Yes? No way! Ok, I’ll tell them. Bye!”
“What was that,” Kemi asked
“Oh nothing. Just a bunch of demons reporting that hell froze over. Makes perfect sense anyway.” Kemi giggled audibly. Charles joined in but shook his head as he did so.
“So tell us… what DID happen?” Kemi looked Charles in the eye. Charles avoided her stare, looking away and smiling wearily.
“Uh oh,” Jade started, “he has the look again”
“Yeah,” Kemi agreed.
“What look?” Charles perked up instantly he hated when his best friends acted like they’d figured him out.
“The look you get when you’re whipped or about to be,” Jade supplied.
“Also when he’s been dumped,” Kemi added. This bit seemed to resonate with the girls and they now peered intensely at Charles. “Were you dumped?” Jade finally intoned. At once Charles looked repulsed.
“No!” No response. Quiet. More intense staring. Finally, “Yes. Maybe…. sort of…”
“I knew it!” They chorused before giggling some more.
“She said I came on too strong…” Charles explained.
“Awww… my poor baby. You need a hug.”
“I do not!” Jade went across, sat on the sofa’s arm and cuddled Charles anyway. Charles somehow found enough room in that embrace to shake his head at Kemi.
“As if you don’t like it,” Kemi spat, “gerraway joo.”
“How come she backed out? Where did you guys go to anyways?” Jade asked.
“Derrick’s. On Adetola Crescent.”
“That new place where even the foot mat can pay an oil worker? No wonder she bailed.” Kemi said.
“How come?” Charles was clearly confused. It made no sense.
“Honey, that fancy a place? She thought you wanted to propose or butcher her afterwards. You haven’t seen her in almost two years and you take her to eat what… thirty grand worth of food?” Kemi admonished.
“Thirty-two k, five fifty, actually. I shook a little when I saw the bill…” Charles replied.
“You see am,” Kemi continued, “buy me iPad 2 you no go gree. You went to Derrick’s and you didn’t even see half bobbie” Jade laughed as she broke her embrace and walked back to her seat beside Kemi: “So who’s next on the list?”
“What list? I’m tired. Yetunde has killed my morale.” Charles grumbled.
“Which stupid morale? You think it’s easy to be a man? My friend, who is next on the list jo?” Kemi chastised.
Jade rummaged in her bag and brought out the papers that were now a sore sight for Charles.
“And the next chic on the hit list is…” she looked irked by something “Kemi, drum roll na!”
“Sorry joo.” Kemi dragged the side stool out till it was in front her and simulated a marching band’s roll with her palms on the wood. At its end, Jade promptly boomed: “Chioma!”
Charles let them know exactly what he thought of that announcement: