Poll: Are You Genuinely Friends With That Ex(s) Who Broke Up With You?

Last week, we asked: What geo-political zone does that person that messed you up relationship-wise belong? 33% of the ladies chose South West and 20% of the guys chose South East thought 34% of them said they are kryptonite to relationship demons. ***** Hey guys!!! Cheers to the freaking weekend. The year is moving so fast…

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Last week, we asked: What geo-political zone does that person that messed you up relationship-wise belong? 33% of the ladies chose South West and 20% of the guys chose South East thought 34% of them said they are kryptonite to relationship demons.

*****

Hey guys!!! Cheers to the freaking weekend. The year is moving so fast and I cannot believe we are already in the 10th month. Was it not just yesterday we were screaming happy New Year like banshees and making false New Year resolutions? I hope yall are achieving all the goals you set for this year or coming close to achieving it. Anyway, good luck with that.

Let us move on, shall we?

Can you ever be friends with your ex especially if you are the one nursing a broken heart? I find it really amusing how the ‘breaker’ is quick to say ‘let’s be friends’ without batting an eyelid. It makes me wonder how this human, who wasn’t dropped from the sky, or perhaps was, opened his/her mouth to vomit such trash? You meet an amazing person, you guys connect on so many levels, and just as you are settling into the land of day dreams, planning your wedding and what not, the bomb is dropped. It is bad enough that this person breaks your heart, destroys your soul and crushes any dream of a future with a white picket fence; s/he decides to add the final nail to the coffin by asking you to be friends with them almost as easy as how the silly ‘have you eaten/what did you eat’ question was asked weeks before.

How exactly does this ex befriending thing work? There is too much baggage, too many hurt feelings and the fact that this person saw you naked many times often cloud the path to friendship.You need time to heal. I bet a lot of people will say it is the matured thing to do. I mean, for you to have cared deeply for someone enough to have a long term relationship with, how would you not want this person to be a part of your life anymore simply because the relationship didn’t work? I call bullshit because if you are the one at the receiving end, there is no way you will be able to set all the bad feelings that will arise from the failed relationship and transcend the pettiness of the break up in favor of friendship. Even if you are the heart breaker, why would you want to be friends with someone whose heart you just broke? How do you trust this person not to steal a strand of your hair and submit it to his/her village people to deal with you properly? How do you believe that the person has no ill feelings towards you?

To me, unless BOTH of you are over the relationship, being friends is very tricky and rather than salvage any form of camaraderie between the two of you, it increases the bad feelings.

But that’s my opinion, what is yours?

Please vote and use the comment section to express you.

Responses

  1. A Loco Viva Voce
    I definitely cannot be friends with my ex because when I love, I love hard and after I have loved you and we broke up, your sight and presence will definitely bring back memories and feelings will arise.

    So I can’t be friends with you not because I despise you but because I refuse to dwell on the past abd also thought of what might have been. Above all, I’m resisting temptation.

    Read today’s Feature Friday story:
    MY HUSBAND SLEEPS IN THE SAME ROOM WITH HIS MOTHER. HELP!
    http://alocovivavoce.com/2015/10/09/877/

    4+
    1. chibuzo
      am still friends with my ex. so she can see and know what she missed out. currently, she claims loosing me is the biggest mistake she has ever made although words might be deceiving but the fact still remain that I wont let someone who don’t know the value of what they have until its gone make me feel bad about myself. I know am priceless.
      0
  2. GB
    Friends, fire!
    It just can’t work. Not after having gone through such extremes in emotions. I no longer hope she trips and falls into a vat of acid face-first but the friendship just can’t be the same as when we were really into each other. We talk every month or so and promise to hangout soon but that’s about it. We both know it’s never gonna happen. I guess we’re just civil.
    2+
  3. Jaejae
    Sometimes when a guy tells a guy they could stay friends after he breaks up with her,60% of the guys say this for shagging purposes .
    There is every tendency they will shag when in an awkward situation as it is really hard to kill sexual feelings for someone you have had it good with at some point .
    Anyway, for me … I’m civil with my exes but as God will have it most of my exes i hardly see them except for maybe on social media and I keep my likes and comments civil so no body gets the wrong message .
    I made the mistake of staying friends with an ex once and boy we fucked more than we did when we were in a relationship but thank God i saw the light and moved on …
    10+
    1. JAL
      I was just about to say the same thing…I am a guy, and this is the honest truth. All I want is to have from an ex is a friend with benefits and ABSOLUTELY no real commitment. Most likely both of us have moved on with other people and so when we do hang out, you want some old/new variety with someone who knows how to keep their mouths shut. Fin!
      0
    2. Omotawler
      I concur with you. Remained friends with my ex and shit doesn’t seem to end. Am still in that mess. P. S: Don’t stay as close friends with an ex, doesn’t pay off in the long run
      3+
  4. Tori
    I never stay friends with exes, I think it’s a ridiculous notion. Thankfully, both my exes are guys I may never meet in this life again, so… better.
    0
  5. Ife
    My ex n I, friends ? hmm let’s just say if I had to pick between she getting shot or she bn shot in the right foot n eaten alive by a shark ,I might Be leaning towards sharky but apart from that we good 🙂
    0
  6. Dazzle
    LOL even though I’ve always been the one who ended my previous r/ships; I honestly don’t want to have anything to do with any of my exes. At least not for now
    0
  7. G
    No one has ever broken up with me so i guess i have no idea how it feels. I don’t date much because i’m not so big on relationships but the few guys i have dated i am still in contact with just one of them i guess if we run into each other in future we will be cordial. Never had a nasty break up i know how to let people down politely ???
    1+
  8. Nosa
    Well, it depends on what the word “friends” mean?

    But of all my exes, I ave no bad blood between us. if they hit me up to chat or something, i treat them like i treat every other person in my life, with a stinking dose of neutrality. in Barney’s Law: they are a cross between Mermaids and Manatees.

    First ex, I talk to because of shagging purposes. Second Ex hated me for almost 2 years even though she did the breaking up. Third one is actually a good friend.

    it worked with the third one because we were friends for about 5 years before we dated, so when we broke up, it wasn’t hard being friends with her.

    I guess it’s easier for me because i can shove my feelings and treat anyone like i decide to.

    1+
    1. Nosa
      It’s in epub format

      If you want to read on an android device, look for and download Aldiko Reader

      For PC, download Calibre.

      Then add the books to the library

      0
  9. Ray
    I’m cool with all my exes, even the last one that hurt me the most. So cool, they drop by my house to say hello sometimes. My first ex, I’m friends with, we see, hang out with friends and talk about everything, no strings attached. Last ex, I’m civil with, although he seems to think we are friends. I don’t like people having power or control over my emotions so I’ve trained myself to not feel downtrodden when I think of him, see him, chat with him or hear from him. I don’t feel anything, just indifference.
    4+
    1. Funk
      I went through this recently. She ended things and proceeded to ask that we be friends just after. “I still want you in my life”. Such selfishness.
      I ignored her for months, but I always became tense somewhere whenever she popped up; in my mind, in an image in my gallery… Well I hit her up one day and said okay, let’s try to be friends. We talked a little and since then I’ve felt this relief. I don’t understand what the fuck happened, but somehow she was neutralised in my head. I didn’t magically get over her, but something was lifted. I guess being civil removes the other person’s power over you. Requires maturity, but is better for your emotions. I don’t imagine we’ll make it to actual friendship though. Probably just stay civil.
      4+
  10. Deeza
    I can’t stay friends with an ex, especially this recent ex, i’ve just completely cut off all contact, why remain friends with someone who betrayed you and hurt u so much?, Pls some of us aren’t so forgetful
    3+
  11. Alexie
    OK Nobody has broken up with me but I really try to be friends with my exes except the recent ass but that’s diff…. I really hate ending relationships and subsequently they find it hard but never me.
    Its fun for me especially when they start dating takes the awkwardness out of it but I try to avoid the whole “fucking the ex syndrome”
    0
  12. Jay
    Its not like i do not wish for my ex to fall from a sky scraper and then coincidentally fall into a tank of acid. I’ve just learned to be a better person and of course the nigga came up with the lets be friends thing.
    I left him there to be seeing how a sister is living better with someone else. I’m civil enough too naaaa. And never ever will i give an ex knack…..i can’t give the oga such level
    3+
    1. Debloww
      ‘Its not like i do not wish for my ex to fall from a sky scraper and then coincidentally fall into a tank of acid.’

      Lmaooooooo. You people are harsh

      1+
  13. Revs
    First,the title of the post already had me at “HELL NO!”
    There’s really no bad blood running between me and my ex(es) even though the first one was a total jerk..we talk once in awhile but it’s not even enough to tag them as “friends”…. it’s just really hard staying “friends” with someone you used to be naked with,not just naked in the clothes off sense;naked like vulnerability and all….Even when normal friends make out the friendship turns sour then an Ex?…
    0
    1. JADE
      Wait what?!?! Give us this gist abeg. Is she still your best friend? did they start hooking up when you guys were still together? did she tell you before agreeing to date him? did you say yes? if yes why? if no , did you confront her for going to date him despite having said no? spill spill spill
      4+
      1. Omali
        Still best friend. Thru the course of hanging out with my ex i introduced him to my friend.Within a few weeks I notice he started ignoring me, not picking calls. I just decided to back out and soon our relationship phased out. I noticed my friend was acting funny, and we didn’t hang out as much. So I confronted her that when she admitted she been dating him for 3 months and practically beg me on her knees not to be angry. I never agreed to her dating him. Yes I was very angry. We didn’t speak for a while. It wasn’t so much she was dating my ex that hurt, but the fact my ex never ended things with me and my bfriend never told me about the relationship. Weting I go do? This is my friend since childhood. Honestly it awkward. My ex tries to give me side hug when we meet up, I avoid it. Even small talk, I avoid it. I try to maintain our conversations to just simple greetings. It’s been a year if tomorrow they decide to marry I will support her even be her bridesmaid.
        4+
        1. Girl
          U r a BOSS! Tiri gbosa for u!
          It’s bye ? friend for, if I bring future hubby what’s the guarantee she won’t try to dip there.
          There is forgiveness n there’s respect. I can be rooting for u without being ur best friend. We shall become acquaintances from there biko!!!
          9+
        2. Debloww
          Wow!!!

          With the way my maturity is set up ehn…. The ‘best friend’ would have faded into nothingness. She ceases to exist from the day she started dating my ex. Ahn ahnnnn quite harsh

          6+
        3. Sunshine
          This can’t even be me. That friend would have become an acquitance a long long time ago. In fact, your friend and the ex are very selfish people expecting you to still be around and watch while they get closer and stuff… I would have exed both of them out of my life since tey tey. You’re a very brave woman.
          8+
        4. Omali
          There are battles in life that I chose not to fight. This is one of them. If my ex can cheat with my friend he can cheat with someone else, even cheat on her. I dodge that bullet with him, so to speak. My friend na her own. Thats her man she can deal with him. In everything there a lesson learned or a reason.
          3+
          1. Bunmi
            I just have to say this Omali, you are very very brave, really you deserve an award sef. She dated him even before he ended things properly, wow just wow. She doesn’t even deserve your GOLDEN friendship but who am i to judge? This is what i’d like to call Emotional maturity raised to infinity, lol.
            0
      1. Syca
        I’ve read your posts on this issue in the past, and I totally agree that every relationship has a lesson to teach. None of the lesson or experience is wasted. But after a bad break-up, an ex shouldn’t come right out and ask that we ‘remain friends’. I need my ‘sorrowing’ moment to heal and get over the break-up. Don’t be insensitive and expect me to be friends.

        It is only when I have healed and maybe at a point where I can look at you or talk about you without wishing you harm, that we can possibly discuss friendship again. Friendship means a lot to me (I have only a few friends).
        Till then, asking to remain friends right after a bad break-up is like keeping a dead dog. No, thank you. I’ll pass.

        9+
  14. Amiew
    I am civil with my first ex. If I has my way I wouldn’t even be talking to him, not because he hurt me(I was actually using him for the 5 years we dated) but homeboy acts so funny despite the fact that he was so hurt I ended the relationship that he married the next girl who came along and now he is regretting his life. However I am very good friends with second ex. He was my very first love and when he broke up with me after 3 years and said he wanted to be friends, I cursed him. He wouldn’t let me be though because we had such a great relationship and we used to say that if we eventually broke up, we wouldn’t be nasty exes. He was always trying to use that to be friends but I ignored him. I blocked him on all social media and for 2 years I dint allow him to reach me. I was able to get over him during that period. Now we are such good friends that my own friends are afraid for me, thinking I may be tempted to go back to him but nah, never happening. I am truly over him and we talk about alot of things even his girlfriend and there is no awkwardness.

    The trick to being friends with an ex is making sure you are truly over them, no iota of feelings left. If you still feeling even the tiniest thing for them, fuck maturity and stay far away from them to avoid stories that touch.

    0
  15. Sunshine
    We’re civil. The only ex I’m friends with is the one I didn’t fall in love with, he’s my buddie and we check in on each other once in a while. The two I actually fell for tho, I don’t think we’ll ever be cool enough to be actual friends. They call me once in a while and try to chat me up, I am painfully civil and curt in my responses. Dont want to make the mistake of catching feelings again.
    0
  16. brownie
    Brilliant write up! Nd yea I’m soo in agreement with the author on his opinion #HELLNO infact ehn,deres a way I naturally go abt totally exxin u when I finally,after a lot of thought of course decide to ‘totally exx’ u bcuz its d smart choice! Nd all plus dere z no way on planet earth we’ll ever get to d part where we ve “intercourse” …*oti ooooo
    0
  17. Tomboxe
    Lol. The “No fucking way” brigade is out in full force. I used to believe the only reason people refused to stay friends with their exes was the baselessness of the preceding relationship. I was of the opinion that an honest, open relationship would eventually become a trusting friendship in the event of a breakup.
    Then I got my heart smashed and I saw clearly. And yet, yes, I am friends with my ex. Is it awkward? Hell yeah. Does it make sense? Probably not. But I am who I am, and, to use re-purpose these often misused words, when I love, I love utterly. I still don’t believe love turns to hate. It can turn to pain, oh fuck yes it can, but it’s the way we deal with the pain that determines if hate will spring forth.
    But then again, what do I know?
    2+
  18. cleo
    I was friends with my 1st ex but I wasn’t over him. It was his idea though, he was always calling, asking to hang out and all. When I realised how difficult it was for me to GET Over him ,I quietly and tactically sent him out of my life. It was a mutual break up. No thing nasty, but I love him.
    2nd ex too begged to remain friends, and all. I broke off the relationship because dude is was cheating with me ,lying to us. He married the other babe, even introduced us. Only God knows what he told about me. I foolishly agreed to be friends. I was not crazy over him from the onset and I got over the feelings I had for him. But I later reasoned and said to myself, if I was in the woman’s shoes ,I won’t be happy. So I have cut him. Dude still calls and visit but I have refused to see him or them. Since then a break up for me is a break off. No keeping bridges. I understand the saying don’t burn your bridges but in matters of the heart I don’t think it can apply. Being civil might be an option but in the act of being civil you can be misconstrued so no need. So it no .We cannot be friends
    0
  19. DOYIN
    I am friends with my first ex….. that one was a mutual agreement , you know, the whole my parents said… and once i hear that word parents, i run far…. no be me go cause wahala. with him, we are civil. few phone calls and all. an occasional “nice DP“. But this last one that gave me the lets be friend bants… hmm. i swear i was dazed for a whole weekend before i got myself. to be honest i undressed phyically and mentally before this man. oh well, after getting myself i decided that i will keep him around not for the sex but you know those random things he can do. i know im a utilitarian. complete one but… we women actually use men too.
    2+
  20. Sue
    I broke up with my ex to be lonely as fuck. All he ever did was love me. Never cheated. 2 years. And I broke up with him. Asking to be just friends. I don’t hate him. I still love him. Even in that way. And I still miss him. But I had a long thought, and I didn’t think the relationship was what I wanted. Now I’m clueless, lonely as fuck, and an emotional mess. But can’t go back. Just can’t go back.
    0
  21. Aries
    Hi, I know i’m a few years late (I just discovered TNC…I know I know…i’m sorry) but i just had to drop this here.

    Being friends with the ex is a NO. Capital letters. Whether you do the break-up or not.

    Let me break it down,’ex’ means no longer, former, beforebefore, no more, of the past abi? Gbam!.

    When you are an ex, You are dead to me biko. As in D.E.A.D. And that is it.

    Friends that watapun? Is it barney and friends that we want to do ni?

    And if you bug me about being friends ehn, I’ll use your picture as dp and put RIP as my pm.

    I do not have time to be dragging the past in the present. Eyan le ku anytime I will na be doing we are civil friends? Plixx o!

    0

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