Poll: Can You Get Married Without Your Parents Consent?

Last time, we asked: Is it compulsory to buy Aso Ebi or not? From the results, 58% answered : Absolutely Not. But 32% quoted Ghandi – “People dressed in Aso Ebi are served food first” – Mahatma Gandhi. One of the things Nollywood has ‘taught’ me is that if you go ahead and marry the person of…

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Last time, we asked: Is it compulsory to buy Aso Ebi or not? From the results, 58% answered : Absolutely Not. But 32% quoted Ghandi – “People dressed in Aso Ebi are served food first” – Mahatma Gandhi.

One of the things Nollywood has ‘taught’ me is that if you go ahead and marry the person of your dreams without your parents’ consent, all kinds of disaster will befall your home. Society doesn’t help matters either, they make it seem like your parents’ consent/blessings supersedes that from God. Yes I know what the bible says about honouring your father and your mother but please work with me here.

Now there are lots of reasons why parents may not consent to a marriage; some are actually reasonable while others are downright ridiculous. A friend of mine once told me about her cousin who is facing this “consent issue” if I can call it that. Her wealthy parents told her that her boyfriend is not rich enough to marry her. They want someone with social relevance. Someone who can afford a “one-in-town” type of wedding ceremony complete with honeymoon in exotic places like the Maldives, Bora Bora etc etc. The girl is madly in love with her federal government worker boyfriend and is seriously dismayed. Some people interpreted the parents’ actions as being protective and just worried about her welfare but I think its just atrocious. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes our parents see things our virgin eyes can’t see (no, this is not a line from a Nollywood movie) but at the end of the day, it’s your life not theirs.

Some other reasons why parents may not bless a union include: blood issues (genotype etc), religion, tribe etc. I heard the most ridiculous reason recently; Some guy’s parents told him people from the village of his girlfriend have fertility problems. Fair enough, if you roll like that. But what made it even more ridiculous was the fact that the guy and his girlfriend both came from the same tribe. I don’t even understand. It’s common knowledge that your parents are like God’s representatives on earth put here to guide and direct their children and therefore they should be accorded the respect they deserve. But on the flip side, when it comes to marriage, most parents really just take the piss. Even if I have all the money in the world doesn’t mean I must have a large wedding just because my parents want one. Or because they can’t deal with people from other tribes doesn’t mean I can’t. The same Nollywood I started with has taught us that sometimes, parents can be the reason behind their children’s lack of progress so why then can’t you damn them if they are being unreasonable after all white people do it all the time and even more interesting is the fact that orphans get married? What do you think?

Responses

  1. deaduramilade
    Personally, I think parental consent is overrated when it comes to spouses/marriage

    I will definitely take future hubby to the parents first but if no one can give me a concrete reason why we can’t get married then I’m going ahead with my wedding.

  2. phransea
    marilyn are u a libra? Consent is important oh for the sake of national peace, especially from the opposite side if not its gonna be one hell of a struggle for you.
  3. Mz AmyDew
    I believe parental consent is important….but for God’s sakes…give me concrete reasons!…not dat “u heard pple from his village are morally bankrupt and sleep with each oda” or “his father cheated on his wife, so derz 98% probability he’ll cheat on me” , etc….and they’ve never even met d guy!…just by “hearing”….its just downright annoying and parents can just put you in an unneccesary confused state!…
  4. Larz
    Honouring parents does nt mean always agreeing with them. It means even when you disagree with them, treat dem with honour and respect…
    On parental consent, well i guess it depends on the individual. If u n ur parents r like besties n u choose a spouse they disagree with n u av never disagreed with them one in yr life? One of yur rship is likely to suffer, u will spend the rest of yr life defending the parties to each other, yes te rest of your life.
    When u decide to go against yur parents in marriage, make sure u both nominate an elderly couple that will provide a source of unbiased parental counsel that u will surely need when things start to look bleak. And in every marriage, it is inevitable that that will happen.
  5. lordfiddler
    LMAO!! These days, the questions on these polls are drafted in a way that gives only one answer. Of course the parents' blessings are important!
    However, it takes a lot of discipline to not just select the last options in these polls I swear!!! LOL! Consent is an igbo word ni!
    1. debloww
      LOL I agree the polls statement, I shall change that. Also if someone can call her child necessary, why can’t consent be a name lol.
  6. iStalkwriters
    I voted yes. Parental consent is always important but important isn’t the same thing as necessary. I mean y’all go skin diving all the time and protection is important. Going without it (consent not protection) entails a risk. At the end of the day choosing to do without it (and brave that risk), for me, comes down to the person I want to be with and the reason my/her parents think we cannot be together.
  7. iStalkwriters
    As to the potential dangers of flouting consent there’s the undue emotional pressure on you to make sure your spouse and parents get along and that goes on forever if you’re unlucky. There’s the very physical distance that will set in cuz the spouse doesn’t feel comfortable around your family (especially if the difference is religious). And if you believe in that sort of thing there’s the attendant spiritual consequences you attract when you fail to honour your parents.

    I apologise for my seriousness and the epistle. Serious issue for me.

    1. thetoolsman
      "attendant spiritual consequences" erm.. but what if your parents are really being ridiculously petty. I mean, something that'd be obvious to the whole world. You really think God wont forgive you?
      1. iStalkwriters
        “If you believe in that sort of thing” Depends on how you do it I think. You can refuse to obey without being disrespectful. It’s the disrespect not the ‘disobedience’ that is key in my opinion.
  8. Ngor...
    Parental consent my moderately sized black ass!!
    I once almost proposed to my mechanic boyfriend just to spite my parents… I later changed my mind when I found out that he actually has a WAEC certificate. We're aiming for Primary school leaver or less…

    You see, my theory is that, the lower I go, the louder my father's neck vein will pop when I finally introduce him. Le Boo will shake his hand, look into his eyes and say, "It is a pleyor to finally met you and makes your acquaintances"…

    *POP!*

  9. spacyzuma
    I like to think I can marry without their consent. But I’m aware that I’m not wiser than them, though I may be more tolerant and accepting of other people.

    Anyway, I voted undecided.

    also, that 4th option is dry. (˘̯˘ )

  10. toborex
    I really don't believe the consent is absolute. Sometimes one of the parents might withhold their 'blessing' just cause they don't like the shape of the bobo's beard or cause the babe chose saline over silicone….
  11. Tola
    Consent is important but it's not the end all be all. At the end of the day, it is your life to live and your consequences to deal with or without the parental consent.
  12. @Daginie
    moderately sized black ass? Got ma “at-tension”;-)

    Consent is important. Its understandable that there are unreasonable folks in this world, however, its your [intending couple’s] responsibility to try every ‘matured’ means of communication, persuasion, & in fact negotiations to out reason from “unreasonable-ness” of parents or some sort of compromise. Cause really, when marriage shit hits the fan, which WILL, in due time, who y’all goan call? Ghostbusters? Be wise.

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