Poll: Can You Use Pregnancy As Bait To Get Your Man To Propose?

Hey guys! TGIF!! Last time we asked: Are you genuinely friends with your ex(s) who broke up with you? 35% voted: “we are civil”. Y’all are so matured and all – so proud of you guys -__-. *** There is always that guy you meet that is almost perfect and who has qualities that are exactly…

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Hey guys! TGIF!! Last time we asked: Are you genuinely friends with your ex(s) who broke up with you? 35% voted: “we are civil”. Y’all are so matured and all – so proud of you guys -__-.

***

There is always that guy you meet that is almost perfect and who has qualities that are exactly what you want in a future partner. The relationship is going great, friends say you guys look so good together. You are sexually and genetically compatible. You have met each others’ parents and you both have great jobs. He loves you and never ceases to show you how crazy he is about you.The only glitch is that this dude has turned a blind eye and deaf ear to anything marriage related. The fact that you both have closets filled with different bridesmaids dresses and groomsmen suits doesn’t mean anything to him. The deafening alarm sound from your biological clock is not even enough to rearrange his brain into doing the needful. You then decide to take matters into your own hands and go off the pill.

There is always that one guy that you meet that you fall hopelessly in love with. He is perfect by all your standards and you can’t imagine spending the rest of your life with anyone else. Problem is, he has too many character flaws. He cheats and lies a lot. But your heart has refused to acknowledge all that. Friends and even family think he is wrong for you but you are adamant about not ending the relationship because you are in love. You decide to take matters into your own hands. A child will definitely change him, he will be more responsible and he will treat you with so much respect as the mother of his child. He will eventually marry you. You proceed to set the plan in motion.

On today’s poll, I want to know, can you use pregnancy as bait to get a man to marry you? And guys, will you marry your girlfriend because she got pregnant with your child even if you are not ready? At first thought, most people will scream manipulation, lies and deceit but looking at the situation closely, is it always manipulation?? Sometimes, a guy just needs that push to take that plunge. Yes it might be the worst way to go about it as the plan might back fire but it isn’t really fair to label it manipulation all the time. I mean, the sex that eventually led to the pregnancy was by two people and it shouldn’t always be the responsibility of a woman to play safe. If the guy is hell bent on not having children, he should have tied a frog to his Ghaddaffi right? My point is, it should not always be seen as an act of manipulation. Sometimes, a woman just tends to be more proactive in her actions. Let’s face it, the fertility of a woman that desires children reduces as she grows older and it really isn’t fair to see all that semen wasting when it can be put into good use.

Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way encouraging this but there’s no harm in analyzing from the woman’s point of view. Personally, I won’t advise it because more often that not, it ends up bad and makes worse an already messed up situation. That’s my opinion though. What is yours?

 

 

nhs2

 

Responses

    1. Bem Bem
      Pregnancy? Taking in, going through the 9¼ months thingy, morning sickness, being horny all the time, belly potruding, boobs getting bigger, lady glows… You feeling or noticing this kinda, chances are you might/maybe preg-nant… Pregnancy!
      0
      1. Marilyn
        Lol. That was actually kinda like a joke where pregnancy could have been a metaphor for the countless things women do to keep men and if some are maybe more forgiveable than others.
        4+
  1. Uche
    My mum was pregnant when she got married. I’ve always thought that was why she got into a marriage that was basically loveless and pointless. So no, thank you. If I even got pregnant, I’d rather abort than get married. No matter how much I love you, I can’t get pregnant for you before we get married. If I do, do not give me the cool story about getting married. I might keep it, but don’t come and tell me to marry you. I’ve always joked that you might never know. I might just disappear.
    10+
  2. Nosa
    I had to vote “No” multiple times but the site won’t allow me.

    Manipulation isn’t always such a bad thing as long as your intentions are honest and good. Manipulation only subtly makes people do or say what they deep down want to, it doesn’t make you do or say something that your mind hasn’t already thought of. So i don’t necessarily see manipulation a bad thing.

    Manipulation is sometimes for the other person’s good (the person being manipulated).

    That said; for me it depends on the situation, I will not be pushed to do something i don’t want to. And i will only marry her if plans were already being made. You already know if you want to marry someone. If the pregnancy happens with someone i don’t see myself marrying, then no one will make me do it. Sure i will accept responsibility for it and play my part but marriage, nah, you better burn me at the stake then.

    5+
  3. Caramel tiger
    Doesn’t make sense to me
    You
    Know? Using pregnancy to tie a man Down or to think it will make him more responsible is pure nonsense . Even if he decides to marry , you will live with the regret and humiliation that he didn’t marry you because he wanted to but because condition bent crayfish and he will have some lowkey resentment towards you.
    If I were a guy and my babe decides to go off the pill without consulting me and she gets pregnant and I am not just ready to marry her , Ha ! I will be so mad at her , I will come to the conclusion that she is selfish and manipulative and doesn’t even deserve to be my wife so either she aborts it and becomes an ex girlfriend , or keeps it and becomes a babymama or keeps it and I marry her and make her miserable for the rest of her life . What nonsense? I think that’s pure wickedness . If he is not ready and you can’t wait , on to the next one Biko . Don’t be increasing the rate of divorce and domestic violence in the world .
    Thanks and stay safe .
    9+
    1. debloww
      My own is why does it always have to be the woman’s responsibility to play safe?? do you think it is easy to be swallowing drugs anyhow? when someone is not a human pharmacy. The anger toward the supposed manipulation is uncalled for jor.. yes you can be angry but why did not you pull out, or use a condom? why are you having sex? all contraceptives are not even 100% effective so why must it always be the woman’s fault?
      21+
      1. GB
        Very good point!
        As for me, if I get a girl pregnant (the heavens forbid this!!!), before I even address her part in it, I’d have spent a great deal of time cursing my own stupidity. Even with a condom, sef, I think guys should still have qualms. Nothing is 100%. Me, I’m not ever gonna go raw till I’m ready to begin to contemplate approaching the possibility of having kids.
        5+
      2. Ronin
        You are never objective when it comes to these type of issues.

        I could see through the whole essay, your attempt to make manipulation not as bad as it is.
        Quick question
        You are in a relationship with a guy. He proposes, and you delay for whatever reason saying you are not ready. So homeboy then punctures his condom and impregnates you. Is that manipulation too okay??

        2+
  4. Jhey
    Using pregnancy to trap a man is the worst mistake you could possibly make. Those marriages never go well. A child is the worst reason for a marriage, when the child is born and grown how do you live with each other?
    1+
  5. GB
    You young people and premarital sezz, sha…. Can’t you hold yourselves?

    That said, she’s on her own, o! If I wasn’t going to marry her already, a baby won’t make me. I don’t know what will happen to our relationship, though. It’s hard to imagine it will continue if she knows I have no interest in being married to her.
    We’ll have the kid and tolerate each other for the child’s sake.

    13+
  6. A Loco Viva Voce
    It’s a different thing when the man wants to marry you after you get pregnant and when you try to make the man marry you because you got pregnant. Two different things. The former makes sense after all for you guys to date and have unprotected sex then you must care about each other to an extent but the latter, fogerabourit!

    Read today’s feature Friday story
    MY HUSBAND KEEPS ME AWAY FROM MY FAMILY. HELP!
    http://alocovivavoce.com/2015/10/23/my-husband-keeps-me-away-from-my-family-help/

    1+
  7. Anon
    You see that “push”? That in itself is manipulative.

    I take the “till death do us part” portion of the marriage vows very seriously.

    A child cannot be the reason for that. The reason for me to come to the decision to bend a knee and propose has to be about the woman, not because there’s a child.

    Every man that has ever accepted this has always felt a little trapped and that’s not a frame of mind you want in your husband. Believe that.

    6+
  8. Anonymous Aboki
    Undecided here..

    It can however become a yes IF IT IS a baby girl. As I must be into you, “marriageably” well enough, to be doing the do raw with you..

    Hell, I’ll impregnate you..

    6+
  9. Toni Osai
    I can’t have sex with someone I’m not planning to eventually marry… Talk less of unprotected sex! Pill or no pill, we’re already married in my head if we in bed together.
    That said, if she knowingly gets pregnant when I’m not ready (I’d probably have told her that I’m not ready, and told her why too) I’d still marry her because I was going to either way, but the resentment if have for her? It would take a lot of prayer and meditation to move past it.
    I’m sure I’d eventually forgive her as there’s nothing so bad that a person can do to get eternal hatred from me, but it’s going to be near impossible to trust her again, to have a second child, to let her get the better of me… I’d constantly be second guessing all her decisions and looking to see if there’s an angle. And with all the energy spent on such negative emotions, what would be left to actually keep the home and raise the little one?

    Biko, ladies, don’t try it. Few men would marry you if you do, and those who will may make your life a living hell for cutting their plans short.

    1+
    1. Ray
      Why marry her if you’ll resent her, if you won’t trust her? I bet you won’t let yourself breathe properly around her cos you’d think the air she breathes is poison. I bet you won’t eat her meals cos your be afraid she put rat poison in it. I bet you won’t even have conversations with her because your mind would be prejudiced against her and you’d think everything she says is to manipulate you.
      The problem with this kind of thinking is that you think you are paying her back for tying you down but you are actually killing yourself slowly because you won’t have peace of mind. Somewhere in your mind will live the constant abhorrence of a wife you’ll have to go home to everyday. And that constant thought will eventually kill you.
      12+
  10. Larz
    I voted No. The fact is that women that are manipulative enuf dont get caught.

    These scenarios are so clear cut. Would ppl’s answer remain in the two scenarios:
    – u r in love with a guy but he had major character flaws and he told you to get pregnant so you can start a family together and that he will be more matured when he has a family he is responsible for.
    – a woman is in love with a man. But more importantly, she thinks he is the ideal candidate to father her children. She wants a child with him and doesnt mind if she loses him as a result of this. In fact, an ideal scenario will be to get married have a couple of babies and then he is free to go his way after 5 yrs. however, her main priority is in having her children, Marriage is seen an icing on the cake. For this woman, all the reasons ppl stated above wont change her mind becuz this move is a calculated one

    1+
  11. Sparks and Tingles
    I woulda voted “Never” if such an option exists. That is blackmail and it is a crime.

    My reaction will be in this sequence: Panic, anger, distrust, resentment, withdrawal and eventual death of whatever we had.

    0
  12. Tiki
    Lol, use pregnancy to tie à man down? That’s like shooting myself in the foot because i want someone to feel sorry for me and carry me. In the long run, the person will put me down and then i’ll have to deal with the wound on my own.

    Nothing can tie à man down except love and a désire to be tied down. Anyone who usés à baby as a bandage on a festering wound is just postponing the inevitable.

    7+
  13. Pearl
    I can’t imagine myself getting pregnant just to tie down a guy I love for marriage. This marriage thing is not a do or die affair, if it leads to the altar, all well and good, and if it doesn’t, its fine. That is how one loser asked me to get preggy for him before marriage, like I give 2 f..k about that. Kids should be respected and raised in a loving and peaceful home, no child deserves to go through hate and bickering in his home, the world already is filled with that.

    No wonder we have baby mamas and daddies all over the place and people are cool with it, I pity the next generation.

    1+
  14. Tiki
    In the same spirit, i’d like to rant about women who have children with men and then force them to take care of them ie alimony.

    IMO, same way à man can’t force à woman to have an abortion because he doesn’t want à child, à woman should not be able to obligé à man to be involved with a child when he clearly before the fact didn’t say or act like he was interested in parenthood.

    If you décidé to have a child, be ready to raise the child alone. After all if you décided to have an abortion you wouldn’t let him stop you, would you?

    3+
    1. Anonymous Aboki
      In a (predominantly patriarchal) world that constantly deals women a bad hand, I think alimony is, should be an ignorable itch to men..

      However, I see your point; it’s logicality & fairness..

      1+
      1. Funk
        That’s child support, not alimony.
        Those alimony laws were made for a time when a man could just up and kick a woman out and leave her with nothing. Necessary for those times. In the 21st century west though, women work and earn. Those laws are obsolete. They should be scrapped. Alimony is some bs. With the way men get fucked over in divorce and family court there, no way I’d get married or even cohabit if I was there. Too much of a risk.
        A case could be made for the necessity of child support though. But the systems for administering and policing it in the US and UK are fucked up.
        The government and lawyers benefit from this dysfunction though. Doubt it’ll change anytime soon.
        0
    1. Funk
      Lool. That was my unshakable view a few years ago. Wasn’t a fan of the whole concept and institution of marriage. Still not tbh. But I’m realising now that if you’re going to make a life in Nigerian society, it may be necessary. You can be unmarried and have your peace elsewhere, but in Nigeria, Africa, people take it as seriously as these religions brought to us from everywhere. One can do it here, it’s just harder and requires much thicker skin.
      1+
  15. Dea
    Lmao! Is it not somebody that is having sex that can get married?
    That said, I can’t use pregnancy to tie my man down as we have agreed not to have sex before marriage
    1+
  16. Ray
    Lol. No.
    It never works.
    Whether a person is perfect or not, whether there are intentions of marriage or not, it’s not a good idea to trap anyone into marriage.
    I believe everyone has to get to a certain level of emotional maturity and stability before they can decide to get married. Robbing a man of the chance to reach that level by himself is a terrible thing to do.
    Even if he seemed perfect before the marriage, he would likely feel uncomfortable in the marriage and all the previous happiness will fizzle out.
    Eventually the child will be born into a hostile environment and he/she will probably grow up hating both parents.
    1+
  17. Adaeze
    Getting pregnant to trap a man is the stupidest thing you can do. A man knows pretty quickly if he wants to marry you or not. If you’ve been with a guy for two years and he has not made any mention of marriage or brushes you off when you ask please leave him. No matter how caring he is, he’s not interested. Why would you want to hitch yourself to someone who can not come to the decision of marriage on his own anyway? Marriage requires a 100% commitment and trapping him with a baby will lead to a less than ideal marriage.

    These days some guys won’t even marry you because you’re pregnant.

    9+
  18. ADEE

    Awon nice ranters…. Free chapman for everyone!!!!!!!!.. yes i am nice like that. So lets chapman and chill, it is vendredi! aller!
    4+
  19. BOMA
    We’re keeping the baby for sure, but you see that marriage thing eh, you’re gonna wait longer than it took the Israelites to cross the desert.
    On that note as from today, before me and a chic get down I shall wear 2 condoms, wrap it up with the bag they use to do moi moi, then finish it up with 2 bagco bags. Tenz and Jah bless
    2+
  20. Funk
    I won’t shirk my responsibility to the child, but I won’t marry the woman unless plans for/thoughts of that were existent in MY head. Simple. Nobody gon make me. They gon have to kill me.
    Poll idea, if you take these; “Would you want to marry a woman/man like your mother/father?”.
    0
  21. Ayo
    When I was 20yrs, I was diagnosed with PCOS(affects fertility) n I was told by d doc. I wud need medication to get preggy. Few years later I got pregnant without medication for my BF. I can say d ONLY rsn y I didn’t abort was bcuz of my health condition, I was scared . Now, I av my son n we r not married tho my famz want him to d proper tin but I am not ready to settle down. I won’t say it’s been easy, it certainly hasn’t been n Sumtyms I wonder ow my life wud av been without him, nevertheless, I’m grateful. The truth is u can neva rili make a guy settle down jst bcuz u r pregnant, it means u r nt sure of urslf as a woman or ur stand in his life n u r looking for an easy way. N if d pregnancy was a genuine mistake like mine, step up n b responsible n dnt get married jst bcuz of dt; take ur time n make sure dts wot he wants also bcuz it takes 2 to make it work.
    4+
  22. RaniShah

    Why would you date someone who you don’t see yourself marrying? Especially the men, it’s all fun and games when you’re f*cking and giving the girl false hope then when the chips are down you are “not ready” you were ” manipulated” bla bla bla
    5+
  23. Olayinka
    Really I am surprised at how none of the boys said they will make sure they don’t leave any chances for that to happen. Skin to skin is sweet until it becomes a foetus. Then you suddenly remember you were manipulated. If you’re with a girl and you don’t intend to make anything permanent of your relationship then don’t go in naked with her. Skin to skin isn’t safe but if a girl is so trusting of you to let you dive in uninhibited, then it’s because you dropped strong hints you really like her and don’t mind fathering a child with her because unprotected sex can produce a child too, not just diseases. So stop crying manipulation and be responsible.
    But it never ends well to con a marriage with a baby. Let a man marry you because he loves you and wants you, not just the bab.
    1+
    1. Nosa
      Two words: CONDOMS BREAK.
      So i’ve been told.
      That said; there is a difference between fathering a child and marrying the mother. And what if she’s pregnant and i’m not in a secure enough place, to marry. I know it sounds silly but it happens.
      1+
      1. Olayinka
        Condoms break. True. Which is why I also raised the issue of skin to skin which you will be surprised is more common than protective sex. You think all those men who boast of going on for hours are condom wearing, safe sex practitioners? My brother, ask these girls. They’ll tell you so many stories. Which is what happens a lot of times and when there’s pregnancy, the men will turn around and say “But why didn’t you use postinor?” Like postinor is tom tom that you just throw in your mouth and eat sweetly. And then they’ll say they were manipulated. *Rme*
        If she gets pregnant and you’re not prepared, you should not push it all on her. Don’t make an enemy of the woman. Men don’t stop to think of how the woman too is taking the whole thing. Do you think she wants to be in a compromised relationship. How about talking it out with her like a sensible person and both of you can come to a reasonable decision afterwards, which must not be marriage.
        I just don’t like how men are quick to run away from responsibilities once a baby is mistakenly conceived. I have soooo many example back home in Owo. Young single mothers struggling alone to raise their disowned children. Then the child grows up and becomes successful and the fathers suddenly materialize to come and claim the fruits of the labour they had no part in. Just think about it. Even if you don’t want the marriage, don’t make the mistake of demonizing the woman. The child will not overlook that.
        6+

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