Razor Blade Mouth


“Look at that girl, can you see how she’s dressed like a slut. I doubt if this one has a mother. Which type of stupid mother will allow her daughter go out of the house in a dress like this ehn.”


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You won’t believe it! Some gossipmongers are spreading the gist around that I don’t have respect for protocol. The pastor announced last sunday, that someone barged into his office, despite the fact that she was informed about an ongoing meeting with some very important visitors. Somehow, everyone now knows he was talking about me even though he concealed my identity. I’m sure it was his nitwit secretary that divulged my name. People keep whispering to each other whenever I pass by. It’s so annoying! I honestly didn’t mean to be impertinent. You can judge for yourself.

It all started from my daughter’s convocation on that same day. I met a nice woman named Mrs Bukola Smith at the ladies whose daughter was also graduating. We connected instantly after I assisted her with the zipper of her pencil skirt. I could really use a new friend, I thought. I had just lost my friend of ten years after joking that her grandmother had a witchy stare. I admit, it was a very silly joke. I wish I could take what I said about her grandmother back.

Mrs Bukola Smith and I ordered two cones of malted milk flavoured ice cream from an ice cream van as we chatted about fashion, business, our husbands and our kids. Mrs Bukola Smith was the Chairman of a major bank and a mother of two girls. I got to learn that her daughter studied law and was graduating with a first class degree. I congratulated her heartily and complained about my daughter being dull-witted like her father. I recounted how I got married to him mainly because he was from a wealthy home.

“Ha! I can’t come and suffer in this life o, I grabbed him sharp sharp. His father is even a very close friend of Dangote.” I proudly announced. I never miss an opportunity to tell people that.

“His father is a big-shot real estate man in this country,” I added.

“That’s nice,” she remarked disinterestedly.

While we were walking towards the hall. I spotted a girl wearing a very skimpy red dress. I immediately pointed it out to her.

“Look at that girl, can you see how she’s dressed like a slut. I doubt if this one has a mother. Which type of stupid mother will allow her daughter go out of the house in a dress like this ehn.”

Mrs Bukola Smith didn’t have much to say about the girl’s dress. She simply gave a wry smile and seamlessly directed the conversation to the school’s well mowed lawn. She wasn’t a very good gossip, she was too guarded.

Not long after, I spotted another girl in a stunning purple dress approaching us from a distance. I admired the dress but the low neckline showed too much cleavage. I called Mrs Smith’s attention to it.

“See this one too, We have a lot of useless parents in this school o. These are the kind of parents that God should have afflicted with barrenness.”

Mrs Bukola Smith was mute, I should have picked up the signal and shut my mouth but I didn’t stop inveighing against the girl and her parents. As the girl came closer, she began to smile and ran into Mrs Smith’s arms.

“Mummy! What a surprise! I didn’t know you would be able to make it.”

“Really? I won’t forgive myself if I missed your special day darling,” replied Mrs Smith.

“You didn’t have to cancel the meeting because of me. I would have been just fine.”

“It’s nothing, I’d do it over and over again.” Mrs Bukola Smith hugged her daughter one more time.

I was there feeling invisible for a while until Mrs Bukola Smith grimaced at me, “Good bye o, Aunty elenu razor,” She said jeeringly. I was speechless. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. Mrs Smith’s daughter was too excited to see her that she didn’t even acknowledge my presence. They both left me there alone. I stood motionless for a while. I was stricken with embarrassment. I was there for about two minutes and instinctively I knew I had to do something about my mouth urgently. My husband was right, I need deliverance.

That was why I barged into the pastor’s office that day. I really needed to do something about my mouth before it got me into a bigger trouble.

Come closer let me tell you what I overheard from the pastor’s office that day.


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