I read this post Efe put up a while ago where some chic basically wrote about how she needs a boyfriend and then the ladies took over the comment section sharing their boyfriend search stories. I made a mental note to take a shot at helping the ladies out (sorry guys, seems I’m doing a lot of this nowadays) and I said taking a shot because like I always say, the women almost always never listen to us. Anyways lets get into it.
I really really really really (not enough really’s in the world) get miffed whenever I hear women (especially black women – as it often is) ask that question – where are all the single men? Or when they bitch and moan about how they are good looking and all, yet the single guys just don’t look their way and whenever they do, they just want a piece of their ass and nothing more.
I’m not even going to go too deep into this today because this is another topic I have written about quite a lot but today, I’m going to look at it from another angle. I’m not going to start psychoanalyzing every young woman who claims to be in this situation because more often than not, most of y’all are quite similar in characteristics, routines and what not.
Let’s try to sum it up this way – young-ish (25+), average to good looking, decent job, looking for a relationship with prospects of marriage.
Am I right or am I right?
After many years of blogging and interacting with a lot of female friends and family members, I have come to some conclusions which I will share with y’all today:
Let me take you back to science class in secondary school:
Newton’s first law states that every object will remain at rest or in uniform motion in a straight line unless compelled to change its state by the action of an external force.
Do I even need to explain this? I know you have heard it before and you probably rolled your eyes when you read it again just now but let me take a second to break this down. So everyone has told you to try something new, so you decided to pick up the FitFam fad and started jogging on the Ikoyi Magic bridge every morning, you did this for a month and all you picked up were washed up pot bellied old men looking for a piece of ass – and then you gave up – back to your old routine.
Or maybe you decided to join the work force in church, the choir maybe but instead of catching the eye of that hot single brother who keeps giving testimonies about winning one contract or the other, it’s Brother Joseph the usher who keeps knocking on your door.
Let’s be serious please.
It’s not considered something new if it doesn’t exactly take you out of your “comfort zone”. You’ve been attending the same church for years so how does joining the choir suddenly change anything? Have you considered a completely different hobby like fishing? Yes, it’s a hobby and it has a decent following in this same Lagos of ours, all you have to do is ask around.
If fitfam is your choice, why leave it at jogging on the magic bridge – look into capoeira or even taekwondo. The logic behind this is not that you will meet the man of your dreams while doing these things – no, not likely because these things are super niche and very few people participate in them. But doing something completely new helps to discover hidden parts of yourself – before you know it, you start tweeting about Taekwando moves and some dude who never ever imagined you’d be that open minded will suddenly see you in a new light and take interest.
Miss 3 looking for Mr 9.
I wrote an entire post about this a long time ago. There’s even a Yoruba proverb about how many young women have mistaken their future husbands as houseboys or something like that. Can we be real with ourselves please? You can’t be a potbellied, h-factor spewing chic with a yellow to black colour gradient skin and you’ll be there waiting for a Lance Gross type of specimen to ask you out. Miracles happen yeah, after all Jennifer Garner snagged Ben Affleck, Seal got Heidi and that other not so hot Nigerian female celeb got hitched to that very good looking Nigerian actor. But Hollywood and Nollywood don’t count.
Except you and aunty Linda have the same Dibia, my dear sister, it is time to cut your guipure according to your danshiki. And this is not me asking you to settle because this is what most chics do at the end of the day. Take another good look at brother Joseph the usher, hear him out, what does he do, where is he going in the next few months, you’ll be totally surprised just how much you guys have in common. As long as you have your realistic dealbreakers and he manages to scale them all, why not give him a shot?
With every passing day, the term trophy-wife gets closer to being erased from our dictionary. I mean, with the way the world is going, I doubt very much that even Aliko would not appreciate a wife like Michelle. No, she might not exactly have to work in that sense of 9-5 but I want to be able to brag about other things besides size of boobs, ass and bed room skills of my chic to friends. We are not asking you to be the next Hilary Clinton here – me sef, I still dey try but a lot of us (guys inclusive) are very fickle and myopic in our thinking nowadays. A banging avatar will get you a one night stand and loads of inappropriate DMs but wit, intellect and a wide scope of knowledge will certainly get you more. A chic who can contribute to a football discussion as well as politics and fashion will feel very comfortable in many settings. You are not doing it for him, you are doing it for you.
Now, this is another thing to be careful about. Having all the wit and carrying it around like Lady Gaga and her egg will do you more harm than good. Context and balance is key to everything in life.
I wanted to touch on single chics who seem to attract only married guys but I’ll have to save that for later. For now, I want to read your thoughts on all I’ve said and if you have unique stories, please use the comment box to share.