ROUND5: 2017 In Review – Entertainment/Sports

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Join the ‘award winning’ ROUND5 team as they summarise 2017 in entertainment and sports news headlines.

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Hey people!

Welcome!

It’s the Sirkastiq one here.

We know. Stop shouting.

2017 was amazing. And hilarious. And borderline scary.

But mostly hilarious.

And as you’ve noticed, we’ve been bringing you the hits back to back since last year.

Not to blow our female Trump, but we brought you MAD gems this year.

LOL! Valid. Shall we begin?

Let’s get right to it.

 

***

In Local News

The year began on a not-so-Eazi note as far as entertainment was concerned.

Y’all remember how Tosin came out, early 2017, to tell us that Naija music is inspired by the Kwesi sound.

You really don’t have respect, calling him Tosin anyhow.

Ermm, is that not his name again?

Well, it might as well be Kwame for all we know.

That’s why he was yarning that dust.

And Nigerians were hearing none of that shit.

He sha apologised and we got over it but we still haven’t gotten over that holy water song.

Word, but what we really couldn’t get over was that Virginity contest that they did.

And they gave the title to a 16-year-old. Alongside a whole entire bag of…

Nothing.

That’s what you get for being a virgin in 2017, apparently.

Don’t be dismayed dear virgins, this year might be better.

Future Ms 2018 reading this shit nodding her head rn like “word…word”.

It was also in this our beloved 2017 that TuFace wanted us to protest.

Then chickened out.

“Oya daun baby daun. Oya daun let’s go down. You wan protest, you wan protest, TuBaba. Turkey nla…”

Mans lost major points after that. But he gave us Gaga Shuffle so we can’t complain too much now, can we?

Did he back down or did they threaten to ground his balls into powder?

You might be on to something there, as TuBaba doesn’t mess with his balls.

I mean, it’s only logical, for someone with much balls calling for a protest to suddenly back off…

Yup, and considering how prolific he is, it was odd that he became goal shy.

Meanwhile, remember Big Brother Nigeria 2017?

Pure bants! From Bisola and Thin Tall Tony getting letters from the Nigerian Association of Single Parents and Nigerian Association of Married Men respectively…

To Gifty’s boyfriend releasing receipts and all…

To Efe winning and not doing anything worthwhile with the money (at least to the best of our knowledge)

He released one song like this feat Olamide called “Warri”

Well, he had to pay homage to those that ensured he won.

To the whole country concluding that BBN is a waste of our collective times…

But we’re still gonna tune in this year, aren’t we??

Damn right!

January 28; the fiasco begins again.

2017 was sha the year of The Agbada.

Meanwhile, it was also this year that your governor, Ser Rochas, first of his name, appointed his sister as Minister for Happiness.

He’s not the first. Didn’t Spain appoint Minister for Sex?

Rochas also added sculptor to his job description as he went about carving a name for himself.

What a man; never moved by side talk.

Just like his statues.

Our boy Anthony Joshua really re the boxing scene ’17.

Can’t argue! What a man!

But as far as sports is concerned, the Nigerian highlight is definitely how we qualified for the World cup.

Minimum fuss too.

And with a game to spare.

The boys are on fire. Super optimistic this year.

Fingers crossed like that Maje’s chick.

Man 2018 and I’ve still not read Toke Makinwa’s book.

Wow. That’s unbecoming of you…

*sigh* You should do better.

Is that all?

That’s all I remember…as far as local news is concerned.

 

***

And in International News…

In like the first few weeks of 2017, Beyonce announced that she would be dropping something.

And it wasn’t an album.

Initially they were only available on Tidal, but Queen Bey, in a show of utter benevolence, decided to grace us with their photograph.

It was lit. For about 2 weeks, we couldn’t hear word from the beehive because of Sarunmi Carter.

She even got 2 Grammys this year. As per one for each twin.

They’ve managed to keep their family out of Paparrazzi’s view for a bit though.

Right? Next time we see them, they’ll probably both be 12 years old.

and Blu will be…

30.

Meanwhile, remember this?

And has been scoring goals ever since.

11 in 14 appearances. Fire.

Still on people who dominated their respective industries…

Serena dominated the tennis tabloids.

As per usual.

First she won her 23rd GS title then she slammed us with one gorgeous ass baby!

Mommy and me

A post shared by Alexis Olympia Ohanian, Jr. (@olympiaohanian) on

Ah, it was also last year that Rihanna showed up with her Saudi squeeze and released Fenty Beauty and just generally had everyone shook.

She seemed to have her shit together.

And her boobs too, let’s not forget them, they are larger and sweeter.

Always a pleasure seeing Rih (and her boobs).

Can’t say the same for Chyna though. That one was everywhere.

Speaking of being everywhere, it was also in 17 that we discovered that Kevin Hart is only 99% black.

That 1% that made him cheat is caucasian. Dass right.

But you know Kev, he owned up to that shit real quick and before anyone could say Sai-wan-taipei, it was all over.

Genius.

And just when we thought things couldn’t get hotter in the entertainment scene, Big Shaq aka Michael Dapaah hit us with the skrrr-pap-pap!

And now everywhere we go, mans not hot.

Big break for that cat.

Another big break came the way of Cardi B of course.

Breaking into the charts and the no 1 position with that Bodak Yellow jam. Big records broken with that one.

Haters tried to break her recent engagement with that video of Offset setting off with some big booty chic.

But you know Cardi, what one big booty chic can do, she can as well. She got her mans to hit it from the back while on IG live.

But we know he wasn’t really hitting it tho.

We also discovered R Kelly had this harem of underaged women in some crib up in ATL.

This was after someone slapped him with a lawsuit for screwing his wife.

LMAO! It was lit.

2017 wasn’t the best year for R Kelly. I mean as if that wasn’t enough, later on in the year, they robbed his ATL crib.

How the fuck do you rob a nigga named Rob? Life is so cold.

I bet it was one of those disgruntled harem members though.

LMAOOO BET!

If there was any lesson we learned this year it’s…

To out yourself before anyone else does.

Definitely.

Learn from Kevin. Learn from Sia.

And a Merry Christmas it was!

I don’t know, there couldn’t have been a more positive way to end the year.

We’re pumped about 2018 though!

Some great things coming.

But we’re not done with ROUND5 week yet so…

Wait till tomorrow to hear about it.

Same time, same place. As usual.

Peace y’all ✌????

Oh, and if there’s anything you think is worth mentioning that we forgot, as far as entertainment is concerned, don’t forget to drop a comment and let us know.

Later fam.

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