ROUND5: 2017 In Review [1]


Join the ‘award winning’ members of the TNC Rounds team for the next few days as they review the major news headlines of 2017.


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Happy almost new year guys.

Or like sensible people would say, happy New Year’s eve guys.

Ain’t we all just grateful to be seeing the end of this sweet year?

You know! While some of you will celebrate this tonight while kissing your boos into the new year, the single ones among you will be at cross-over service.

Lol. ‘single ones among you’…I see what you did there. Another Rounds wedding coming up?

Another? Saka and Tula are married? Who else is left?

Smh. Don’t try to be smart with me.

Lol. Quit playing please. Anyway guys, 2017 has been eventful and we are here to remind you exactly of how the year went.

So sit back. Maybe put your hand in your comfort area and relax while we diffuse 2017 best hits.

LMAO. Wow! Comfort area? What an ingenious way to put it.



It’s been quite the year for the number one citizen in Nigeria you know. 2017 really gave him the chance to achieve his childhood dream of touring the globe.

He basically took that nursery school rhyme and lived it out; I’m going to London to see the queen.

London for what? London for medicine!!

Medicine for what?

Unfortunately we still don’t know. Like our president was ‘not on seat’ for almost half of the year and we the masses still don’t have a fucking clue why.

The audacity sha. New Year started and our president asked for vacation just like that!

And then came back briefly in February just to pick his charger and tell us he’d still be going back.

And we allowed him because what can we do?

What have we ever been able to do? Although in his absence the mantle fell to PYJ who held the country together like a bra strap.

TBH!! This year saw better changes when the person we elected decided he wasn’t doing again.

Had some of us wishing he would just come back to resign and continue his world tour.

He finally came back though and took note of all you haters that didn’t wish him well earlier.

After about 103 days or so. Imagine. Person that we queued inside sun to vote for.

Remember how he couldn’t resume officially because of rodents??

LMAO! Yes! And then his administration tried hard to stay relevant by highlighting their many shit achievements.

Achievements like how they reduced Jamb score to 120 so their kids will finally stand a chance.


All because they mistakenly caught Evans the kidnapper.

And then the police decided to create a semi-reality show out of it with the constant updates of his every action – when he ate, when he shat but not where he was eventually transferred to.

You mean released codedly?

I’m not there o. You want them to send you death threats abi?

Like when the Arewa Youths threatened all the Igbos in the north. That one just showed that nobody can leave their investments and run.

Tbh! And speaking of investments that ran, that’s how MMM ran away with some people’s life savings.

My boss as at that time was still saying… Just be patient the money will come.. Yen yen yen. Na so N2 million miss like period.

Lmao. Mehnnnn…it came briefly like Buhari and still left again with more people’s money…The goats that refused to learn.

We have to give it up to social media this year though, I feel like it was relevant in saying how we truly feel about this administration. Re: #EndSARS but not #SupportSARS.

Oh yes. There was also the #IStandWithNigeria protests in February where Nigerians took to the streets and social media and expressed their displeasure with the state of things.

Speaking of Nigerians expressing displeasure, there’s still this undying issue of fuel scarcity.

Nigeria is just hell fire that ran out of fuel tbh.

As evidenced by how many people tried to escape through Libya into Europe only to end up being used as slaves there.

Thankfully our government was good enough to bring them home.

That’s more than P Square’s extended family can say about them.

Meanwhile, how Melaye was still allowed to run around loose this year is beyond me.

I mean from releasing a book to releasing a music video…


Sigh… We need to leave this man in 2017.

Him, and Rochas’ multiple erections.

And then we just heard the unfortunate news of how President Buhari’s only son was involved in a ghastly bike accident that has left him currently unconscious.

Apparently he was racing with a friend when the accident happened. Just here wondering where he got fuel though.

This is what happens when you don’t spend 12 hours queueing for fuel. We wish him a speedy recovery though. No puns intended.

But enough about Nigeria, let’s talk about…



Man. It started off with Obama leaving office. Especially after he delivered probably the best farewell speech ever. Still hurts everywhere guys.

Everywhere? Wow! Monica Nellynski is that you?

Lmao. Let me shoot my shot o. 2018 is coming.

Riiight. But yeah 2017 legit started on a sour note for anyone who’s not racist and has a brain.

You must not be referring to the Trump inauguration that was sparsely attended.

Haters will say it’s because people don’t like Trump. Smh.

It was probably raining and no one had an umbrella.

You get! Cos I mean what’s there not to like about Trump? Is it the fact that he’s racist and hates immigrants and tried to enact a travel ban severally?

Who could have foreseen that the USA legit put a baby with a newly installed Twitter app on his phone as president.

Which reminds me of the 11 minutes of peace the world enjoyed when his account was deleted by a twitter staff.

We at rounds still sing the praises of that one employee who they still haven’t caught sha.

Lol. It was his last day at work, what would they have done after catching him? Fire him?

Good point.

Speaking of baby presidents, remember that one time someone lost democratically conducted elections and said he wanted a do-over or he wasn’t gonna step down?

You talking about Gambia?

The one and only Yahya Jammeh.

LOL! That entire month was bants on Rounds. All of Twitter was pure jokes. African presidents wanna do everything but leave the seat of power.

Speaking of Twitter, 2017 was also the year of the nuggets.

We found out that chicken nuggets can be quite expensive though with some as expensive as 18 million retweets even though our guy didn’t get the required number.

But he did enter the history books for having the most retweeted tweet on twitter with almost 4 million, displacing a whole Ellen Degeneres in the process.

Good for him. Internationally, the US had its fair share of disasters though with Hurricane Harvey and that crazy ass Vegas shooting that claimed over 50 lives.

Ah yes! Meanwhile there was also the man-made disaster called Harvey Weinstein who was implicated by multiple women as a serial sexual deviant.

Shit brought up decades of decay in the industry. Makes you wonder why a certain playboy wasn’t implicated.

Well maybe because he’s a Hugh fan of consent. I mean do you see how many girls young enough to be his grandkids willingly sacrificed their virtues on the altar of his penis? When he’s not R Kelly.

Hahaha. You don’t have sense. RIP to a big legend though. 2017 is the year we lost him.

It’s also the year we gained Beyonce’s twins and Serena’s intrauterine grand slam winner.

This year as with other years had had its highs and definitely lows.

But I think one major high, especially for you lovely readers of Rounds was the introduction of Nelly and yours truly.

Who brought that onion into the studio? Fam we legit started from spectator seat and now we are here.

Like!!! It’s like watching musicians on TV one minute and the next minute you’re receiving your 5th Grammy award.

Not like we’re trying to blow our own trumpet but…


We just want to quickly appreciate our roundabouts, without you there would be no us!!

Yesss!!! And without us there will be no Rounds…

Which we sadly have to end here.

But don’t despair, we have more for you tomorrow.


Damn right. Aren’t we doing ROUND5 Week anymore?


Yeah. Every day at 12 noon till the 4th of January.

Same time, same site.

See y’all in the new year!!

Yassss! Kisses y’all.


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