Haha. I thought we cared and wanted him to return?
No, not really, not at all. I mean, I do care that he’s fine but would have preferred he return to resign so Osinbajo could continue.
Ah well, time for the country to revert.
Like Superman to Clark Kent.
Like Spiderman to Peter Parker.
Like Chris Brown to Jason Derulo.
In completely unrelated news, Nicki has clapped back.
But we will bring that to you later.
Meanwhile, have you watched Episode 7 of #OBFW?
If you haven’t you’re in luck. It’s right here.
PS: You can’t claim to be a fan of Rounds and not support the movement, you know. Get on the Naked Train. LOL!
Before we begin, remember I’m your host, Terdoo.
And as you already know, I’m constantly Sirkastiq.
Anything can happen.
Say what say what?
(Ke)men are scum
What happens in the big brother house…
Stays in our minds forever.
Munched In London
The Tale of an Arse whooping.
“Got damn!” – Rodney King.
Fraud drops “No Frauds”
Wanted: New Boyfriend
When a London woman wants you.
And London lingo can do nothing for you.
So as you might all be aware, Baba has returned.
Please don’t watch that KraksTV video with food on it’s way down your throat. Fair warning..
Came in on a PJ tins of course.
Damn though. Dollar rate going up, on a Tuesday…
President Muhammadu Buhari was received in Kaduna on Friday by the Deputy (cum acting) Governor Barnabas Yusuf Bala.
The Governor of Kaduna himself was…I dunno…probably on leave too. Since, you know, “leadership by example”.
This event took place after the president’s 51 days on vacation.
He was however received online very…differently.
The question everyone wants to ask is…
We’re glad you’re alive sir. We were worried. But there has been small light since you left, and the dollar has been sipping protein shakes. So let’s just try and keep it that way, please.
Apparently your prayers will be answered, temporary as it may be. Daddy Bubu’s not ready to take back the reins of power. Just gonna observe for a bit.
More rest, unno. From all that resting.
It’s not easy though. Apparently he’s “never been that sick before”.
I don’t know if Daddy wants to consider resigning. It won’t be a terrible idea now would it?
Hmm… You know what also won’t be a bad idea?? Them constant cheques.
So yeah, President Muhammadu Buhari is back. Yay!
Don’t do that. That’s my thing.
(Ke)men Are Scum
There was a time I felt like I could easily win Big brother.
You do know they have cameras and stuff in your face for like 90 days?
Yeah, it was when I realized that I’m not keen on missing out on buying iya aziza’s rice that I backed out.
Legit, her rice be the truth.
But unlike us, some decided to go in there and disgrace themselves.
Just when we thought the show had the entertainment level of a newly painted wall.
One of the housemates decided it was (night) time to spice things up.
So after their party on Saturday, with most of ‘em feeling a bit tipsy off beer (yuck).
Detective Kemen decided it was time for him to go undercover.
He snuggled up to and touched TBoss inappropriately while she was asleep.
Worth saying they had never been sexually or romantically involved in the house
Yeah although it was clear Kemen seemed quite infatuated with the boss
Reflexively, Tboss turned away and adjusted her sleeping position while the deed was taking place
The aftermath? Big brother summoned Kemen and just before the live show, he was evicted from the game.
There were different reactions to this as some section of Nigeria, (we will like to call this section “Dumbs r’ us” ) openly questioned the decision claiming TBoss had led him on because she allowed him massage her earlier.
So if someone allowed you to help them peel beans, it means they automatically want you to bring spoon and eat?
We would like to use this medium to say categorically that CONSENT is key and RAPE is wrong!!!
If you like, be feeling each other die, you must be able to read nonverbal signs as well as hear (and obey) the verbal ones before proceeding sexually.
And if the person is asleep, incapacitated or whatever, the consent is already no.
This is why we keep getting referred to as scum.
Munched in London
Lightning struck twice in the city of London.
And no it wasn’t raining.
Except you’re talking of goals, then yes, it rained so hard, you’d think it was a court sitting.
It was a sad, sad day at the Emirates for Arsenal and its fans.
As their Bavarian guests ran away with a(nother) 5-1 victory.
I don’t even have the will to talk about this. Wenger should come and be going.
You think this is all his fault?
Well, he does have a major share. I mean, it’s football, when you don’t get the results, the coach gets the boot. (except you’re David Beckham) It happens all the time.
Of course I have a point!
Yup, something Arsenal hasn’t had in a while.
This thing is paining you deep fam.
Son, I’ve been supporting this team since the days of Wrighty and Platt, it’s sad to see what it has become.
Wenger doesn’t see any problem.
That’s because Wenger can’t see shit anymore, what is he, 92? Chelsea had to let Jose go when the results weren’t coming…no dilly-dallying, outright action.
So 10-2 was the aggregate final score as Bayern Munich defiled the gunners to get to the quarter finals of the UCL.
Please bear with Sirkastiq, I can categorically tell you he’s in deep pain as we shoot this.
Something Arsenal strikers can’t do anymore.
LMAOOOOOO…I think we should move on to another story before…
Something Wenger should do.
Oh, before we leave the football scene, DID YOU GUYS SEE WHAT BARCELONA DID?
Fam, I feel so honored to have witnessed such a display. They needed 5 goals to win, got 2 before half time, got another, and just when they thought they were there, PSG grabbed a goal back making it 3-1
That left them needing 3 more
But unlike the North Londoners we spoke of earlier, they kept at it and scored the 3 goals!
BLUDDDDD, That’s the kinda comeback Nicki Minaj needed.
The kind that’ll leave your opponent in tears.
Wenger might just be thinking of going to Barca since Luis Enrique has announced he’s leaving.
Good riddance tbh, Congrats Barcelona. You showed ‘em!
That referee is under some serious scrutiny though.
Right. Let him go and referee junior league games fam.
Still. Incredible comeback, Barcelona. For converting all available chances into fan frenzy moments.
So for those of you who have been keeping tabs on the Nicki Minaj beef…
Remember we brought the news to you in this episode
when Remy bodied Nicki in Shether. And as you all know, that was met with radio silence by your girl Omeeka.
Yeah, she was really gonna take the L for that one.
Well, she (Remy) dropped another track titled Another One.
Watered down the whole essence of the beef in my opinion. You can’t release five star fire and then follow it up with lemonade.
No offence to Iya Beyji on that one.
Anyway, Nicki decided it was finally time to get her Ja Rule on and clap back.
And so she did what we all expected her to do.
Naw. Just team up with a ghost writer.
Well, yeah. That was expected.
Okay, so on Thursday, Nicki had dropped a couple teasers to the track
Then the 3 pack really dropped.
So we listened to No Frauds. And…well…
“Shanaynay, you a fraud committin’ perjury
I got before and after pictures of your surgery
Rah took you to her doc, but you don’t look like Rah
Left the operating table, still look like “nah”
Uhm…how is Nicki talking about surgery? Nicki??
See, this is how not to beef. You can’t accuse someone of something you’re also guilty of.
Bro, I think that’s the point. Remy should never have mentioned it if she was also under the surgeon’s knife, you know.
Anyway, the online reactions were mixed. You know…
Nicki fans will stay Nicki fans…
But some of us tend to disagree with the results, you know.
Remy and her main squeeze Papoose (yes, I just did that) have apparently released the unofficial cover art for their response to No Frauds though.
At the end of the day, in lieu of all these events, we only have one message for you…
Meanwhile, we intend to keep you all fully updated on everything that’s going on in this rap beef right here. So stay tuned to this channel.
Wanted: New Boyfriend
Are the words “Banter”, “Epic” or “Bro” scarcely found in your vocabulary?
Do you say “They” when talking about your football team?
Are you oblivious to Drake’s music and what a “Cheeky Handos” is?
Have you disposed of all your flip flops?
If the answer to all these questions is yes, then we might have just the woman for you.
Because a single lady who just got out of what seems to be a very traumatic relationship, just posted a public notice for a new boyfriend.
The old one is broken. Apparently. Or…well, the relationship is.
You must not wear “Davidoff Cool Water” though.
I don’t even know what that means. So I obviously qualify.
LMAO! Abeg, neither of us qualifies for this vacancy. We both wore flip flops to the studio the other day. We’re cancelled please.
The signs were put up on lampposts by wish-fulfillment website Crowdwish.com, after the single lady posted on the site wishing for a new boyfriend.
Nigerian women, are you ready to take a cue and take matters into your own hands?
Grab the bull…or the boyfriend…by the horns!
This woman really put up two different versions of the ad.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
So this is our own CSR as the Rounds Committee.
If you’re out there and you fit the criteria mentioned…
I believe it’s time to end this episode. Right?
Today has been full of tiny nuggets. But we’re not even going to bore you with all the gems that we brought to you today.
First and foremost, we learnt that our former missing president is now our resident resting president.
And one sub-moral we learnt here is that as president, you can disappear…
For an entire month, and come back like when you pull out during doggy style and act like its…
Wait wait. You can’t just skip past that metaphor. Say what now?
Shuttup. Spur of the moment. I couldn’t think of anything better.
Well, I can’t think of anything worse. Smh…
Next we learnt that consent is like tea.
You’re gonna have to watch that video to get it.
Just gon put it here one more time for those of you who unlooked like Kermit and drank tea…
Next, and still on this issue of consent… We learnt that Arsenal should never invite Bayern to come over again.
Cos that was assault and battery.
Worst part is that it was legal.
Terrible to watch if you’re a fan of the Premier League in general.
Glorious to watch as a neutral though.
Next we learnt two vital lessons from the Nicki-Remy beef.
1. Never ever follow up a five star song with a one star double tap. Remy, s’ogbo?
2. There is apparently no shame in calling your senior brothers to bully your bully when you can’t handle said bully all by yourself.
And last but not least, we learnt that wearing flip flops outside can cost you that London girlfriend.
Loafers for the win. Get in style.
And that’s it from your favorite duo. We will be back next week for more outlandish shit.
Oh, but before we leave, we wanna make this tiny announcement.
We’ve been getting a lot of feedback from our beloved Roundabouts™, talmbout they wanna be on the show and all.
That seems like a brilliant idea from us, you know. Let the readers read the news.
So we’ll be announcing how we plan to make this work in a couple weeks.
Stay tuned to this shit next week. We have something planned for y’all.
Till then we wish you peace, love, and laughter.