Rounds Week 23: On Comey’s Testimony, Ande’s Theory, Krane’s Sentence and more…

Rounds

A Professor of Entomology at the University of Ilorin, Adeolu Ande, has said that killing mosquitoes is bad, because they are ‘friends’ that deserve to be properly managed.

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Good morning everyone!

Welcome welcome! To another episode of Rounds.

Everyone’s favorite segment on TNC!

Have you people gone to see that Wonder Woman movie?

OMG Saka are they paying for this ad?

Good movies speak for themselves. No need to advertise.

Right. That movie was a 7 at best. I mean…

Shh! The feminists mustn’t hear you!

They’re too busy flicking their respective beans to hear me fam. But we do need to call a spade a spade.

When are you going to start reviewing movies on TNC?

Gotta have that conversation with Tula.

Aren’t you people supposed to be having a conversation right now?

We’re in it though!

The headlines. When do they drop?

Now. However, we need to quickly report this.

Sir Robert Risky of Lekki fame is going premium.

Just ten thousand naira monthly.

Y’all must be mad if y’all contemplating that shit.

Mans said he’ll be showing us shower scenes.

And the congregation says: “God forbid”.

Your MCM is excited about this, ma.

LMAO!

So the headlines??

Fine.

The Headlines

Mosquito is Your Friend

Just like the police

Yep. Valid metaphor

Buhari

Details outside the country

Beyoncé

Details inside

Your Pants Sir…

Capital Hill Pictures Presents:

James Comey, on Thursday Night Live!

Dammy Krane

Fast money fast cars

Fast court case


Mosquito is Your Friend

The last set of people to say this to us didn’t end up well in our books, so no expectations here.

LOL. It’s like as the economy gets harder, people be coming up with all sorts of ridiculousness.

Fam, there’s bomb in all our heads, it’s just exploding at different times.

A Professor of Entomology at the University of Ilorin, Adeolu Ande, has said that killing mosquitoes is bad, because they are ‘friends’ that deserve to be properly managed.

Sir, should we also maybe buy them a property, clothe them and serve them garnished skin with fresh blood on a daily?

Niggas be wildin’.

The professor while speaking at the 169th Inaugural Lecture of the university, made this remarks in his speech, which he titled “Consider the ways of ‘Ants’ and be Wise.”

Ants?? But…I thought…

Fam. I don’t know how the focus went from ant to mosquito, but let’s continue.

He, suggested that you and I, commonly known as human beings, deliberately misconstrue mosquitoes’ role and frequently describe them as causing the diseases they transmit, describing it as a case of calling a dog a bad name to hang it.

Basically, we have been falsely accusing mosquitoes of biting us and infecting us with malaria.

We have been prosecuting mosquitoes falsely for planting the plasmodium parasite in us.

We have been misunderstanding their intentions.

We have hurt their feelings.

Their buzz in your ear is a lullaby speaking of how charming you are.

They perch on your skin to give you a goodnight peck.

Must be nice.

Dr Adeolu said in the actual sense, the mosquitoes are sick but inadvertently and unwillingly convey pathogens that are the real causal agents of these diseases.

Oh? It’s not their desire to harm us with malaria, they are just sick and unwillingly pass on the disease while looking for blood to survive.

Ah! Makes sense.

He powered through:

“Mosquitoes have proved to us over the years that they are our friends and allies and whether we like them or not they will exist and continue to source blood from us”

Not if I or Mortein can help it!

Hollup. Did Mortein pay for that ad?

No?

Damn. Can’t be giving out this stuff for free, you know.

True. Next time, next time…

“Unfortunately, our lack of understanding and intolerance has been largely responsible for the use of ungodly methods to handle them”.

-Your Entomology professor.

Ungodly? This nigga really smoking that good stuff.

According to him, the wise way out is to get more friendly with them and use ecologically compatible methods against them.

“Ecologically compatible methods”? This finna be good. So we should welcome them and just serve them food?

Would they like a place to rest their head afterwards?

How about transport fare when leaving, or do they prefer Uber?

“My advice is stop killing mosquitoes; they are friends and they deserve to be properly managed”, he added.

F.O.H sir.

Buhari

No, nothing here, keep moving.

Beyonce

Also, no twins dropped yet, scroll on.

Your Pants, Mr. President…

They’re on fire sir…

And no, we don’t mean like they’re fashionably appropriate.

Nor do we mean said metaphorical pants are fitting for said wearer.

Because to be quite honest, we didn’t appreciate Obama enough until this other colored man came through…

I mean we’re not even delving into the article itself yet, but take a look at this piping hot gist.

Okay. So we know what you’re thinking.

“FAKE NEWS!!”

Might be true. Might be false. Look, it really doesn’t matter. We never heard any rumors about Michelle.

Trump let Nas down when that thread by Monica Bryne dropped.

How you battling snitch ass niggas and your wife playing sixty splits on some security schlong?

Cold world dawg…

Anyway, on the issue of snitching…

Ma nigga came to the testimony like…

Ironically, he was actually in there with his hands up.

Image Credit: DailyWire.com

Amazing how much damage one can do with no weapons.

Nothing prepared us for Comey’s testimony, to be honest.

Capital Hill Pictures Presents:

James Comey, on Thursday Night Live!

LMAO! He basically said Trump…

And his entire administration…

…Are all liars!

LOL! DRAG HIIMMMMMMM!

He claims that Trump and Trump’s administration told lies to try to defame him, and that he had to document meetings with THIS president because he was afraid that he…

…That’s you, Mr. President…

…Would lie about the nature of their conversations.

Basically, the President of the United States cannot be trusted.

Cannot be trusted to tell the truth…

Cannot be trusted to uphold the rule of law…

Cannot be trusted to allow the Department of Justice carry out an ordinary investigation. Obstruction of justice your honor!

You have been watching too much Suits. To be honest.

Objection!

Overruled *trump voice*

Damn. Comey came out guns blazing!!

Of course the President responded using his official means of communicating with his followers. Literally…

Well, Color me convinced!

LMAO!

In his defense though, Trump wasted no time in battling for advantage following the former FBI chief’s spellbinding appearance.

“You’ll hear from my lawyers”, he said. Probably.

We don’t know. We weren’t there physically. But he did threaten counter court action against Comey.

Also, his former campaign manager, Lewandowski, left the German pitch, and led the counterattack with a series of television interviews that sought to play up aspects of Comey’s testimony that were helpful to the President…

While pushing back on the idea that he abused power by leaning on the former FBI chief over the Russia probe before he fired him.

“The Department of Justice reports to the President of the United States. And the President of the United States is saying, ‘you’re going to be a witness against me? I’m going to open an investigation against you’ — that’s clearly witness intimidation, and that itself is obstruction of justice,”

– Richard Painter, the chief White House ethics lawyer in the George W. Bush administration

Well then.

See you in court, Donald.

Better call Thomas Arthur Mesereau up. Call Mike for the number.

Donald’s days in office seem to be numbered. And the whole world is ready for it.

We’ll be sure to bring you any impeachment gist that comes up.

Fingers crossed fam. Fingers crossed…

Dammy Krane

When they tell you people to say ‘Amin’, you’re actually supposed to say ‘Amin’.

But because you people refused to say ‘Amin’, Dammy Krane now entered trouble.

All the ‘asiri ti tu’.

So sad.

Is it?

It’s news everywhere already that Dammy Krane was arrested recently for credit card fraud.

And in that time, there have been various opinions on whether he’s innocent or not…

Whether he slipped, fell, mistakenly held on to someone’s card as he fell and then erroneously used the card to order some luxuries.

These things happen.

I mean it could even be that his boys were the ones booking these things in his name…

Yes, that will make sense especially as the bookings were made from his phone.

LOOOL. Anyhow you want to justify the story, as long as there’s some form of fraud involved, whether directly or indirectly, shit is wrong!

TapJets, the private jet company the singer allegedly defrauded, released this statement on the issue:

“He (Dammy Krane) uses Samsung Galaxy 7, and that same phone was used to place the online order with credit card that does not belong to him​.”

“​Same phone was used to register multiple accounts trying to buy with different cards until one finally worked. However, names did not match to zip codes etc.”

The company revealed that Dammy’s accomplice, Chukwuebuka also tried to purchase flight on another phone with yet another card.

“Total of five cards in an hour till one worked.”

Under the prevalent Florida law, grand theft is a felony offense, with penalties that may include prison, probation, fines, restitution and a permanent criminal record.

Dammy Krane has now been set free on bail pending a court hearing slated for the 23rd of June.

He faces up to 40 years in prison if convicted.

Oh yeah, after his release, he appeared on a video denouncing the act, and claiming it was his agents that used the fake cards and he wasn’t into that type of thing.

Alright sir. Who are we to judge?

Fam, identity theft is a madting ma nigga, like you go about using someone else’ information to live your life?

Basically, robbing that person of their entire existence. Fam.

The EFCC handle had the best advice and we endorse it:

For easier understanding, the tweet was further ‘broken’ down:

We gotta find a new way to appreciate the Nigerian King of Social Media Handlers.

EFCC hit the jackpot with this one.

Better renew his contract. If you change the voice, we will know. And we will picket!

But for now gotta wrap this up.

Yep.

Morals

Yes people! Once again we have come to the end of this week’s foolishness. It’s been lit, innit?

Before we go, we’d like to run through today’s post real quick so we’re sure you guys didn’t miss anything.

First we heard that we need to find other ways to combat malaria as opposed to Baygon.

Did…they pay for that ad?

Ugh.

LOL! Anyway, your Entomology professor, Mr. Adeolu Ande said when we see mosquitoes sucking the very blod from your veins…

Just pat them on the head and go about your business.

That method is more… ecologically compatible.

I died at that. Smh.

Next we learnt that the countdown for Buhari’s return continues.

Not like we’re holding our breath on the situation or anything. We just want to know where our president is and what he’s doing.

A leader is accountable to his people.

Or well…is supposed to be.

Next we learnt that the President of the United States is a liar.

Damn.

We hope that Trump will take legal action so that the proverbial wind can blow up the fowl’s rectum, hallelujah.

We wait with bated breath.

Anyway, we have come to the end of this episode.

Please be sure to drop a comment to tell us how you think we can improve on your favorite column on TNC.

Also, make sure you follow the Nigeria account today.

We outchea.

Hope it’s them @officialEFCC agency guys in charge sha…

For multi-national bants.

Join us same time, same station next week for more of this outlandish shit!

Tell your friends about us!

Preferably the female ones, please. They’re the target market.

LOL! See you guys on Sunday the 18th.

Till then we wish you peace, love and laughter.


Culled from:

  • CNN.com
  • NBCnews.com
  • BBC.com

Responses

  1. Jen
    yall missed out something the #halleluyachallenge….plz what is it all about, I havent got time to read all the long epistle I’m seeing on it….plz include it in the next round….btw I love you guys a lot, Terdoh u are still “single and single” right

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