Rounds Week 47: On Mugabe’s Resignation, Stabbed Husbands, #BAAD2017 and more…


Another week, another episode. Join the ROUNDS team as they bring you all the premium dumb shit that has occurred in Africa, and the world this week…


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You know, coming to the studio today, a thought hit me.

Hope that didn’t hurt, seeing as it doesn’t happen quite often.

On the contrary, it didn’t. Just a slight twinge of nostalgia here and there.

Talk to me.

Like, I sorta figured we’ve been doing this shit for upward 5 years now, steady bringing smiles and laughter to the homes of people.

No easy task fam. It does make me feel fuzzy all the time. No payments, no appearance fees, just straight up bringing the news to the people in a fun way.

And you know, so much has happened since we started. I mean, we’re grown now, I’ve got a beard, you’ve got muscles, I’ve got a wife, you’ve got a mac.

You really don’t respect me.

And best of all, we seem to have got these cats who can hold shit down when the inevitable happens.

Oh my God! You’re finally moving to Australia?

Ugh! No…like when more life happens and we won’t be able to do this, or stay current with the humour of the day.

You’re right G. We gotta prepare ourselves and the Roundabouts for that inevitable day

Yup, these loonies are doing good tho, aren’t they?

Yah, holding forte quite well.

Are you people planning on dying soon, because I don’t understand what this heart-to-heart is all about. Headlines?

Ugh…Guys, it’s your show.

We’ll take it from here, thank you.


The Headlines

The end of an era

How to react when they bring a tank to a knife fight


1000 ways to die in marriage

Don’t keep that text, or you may be next






He Didn’t See That Coming

The price of romance..




The End of an Era

Damn! What an eventful couple of weeks it’s been in Zimbabwe.

Ain’t that a fact? From Mugabe firing his VP to the military taking over a week later.

But this obviously tops them all.

Hands down. Mugabe finally resigns as President of Zimbabwe.

Nah nah nah. C’mon. Don’t you understand the magnitude of what just happened? You need to say it with passion like you do when you beg him not to spill it inside you.


Yas! That’s more like it. RT if this happened in your lifetime guys.

Lol. RT. RT. Considering the fact that witnessing an African leader cede power only happens once in a lifetime.

You know!

I see GEJ smiling.

Lmao. As per the quintessential hero of African democracy. But really, 37 years? Can’t even count the number of things that have changed since then.

Some say he succumbed to pressure from the military, but I say something must scare a man.

Funny thing is he was actually given an opportunity to resign on Sunday but being the legend that he is, he used the opportunity to reemphasize his role as President instead and mentioned nothing about resignation.

Lol. That guyyyy.

It was only after his party, ZANU-PF, decided to begin impeachment proceedings on his old, hairy ass that he decided to resign.

How do you know his ass is hairy fam? You’ve eaten it before?

Fuck you please.

I would say you wish but I know you already do that.

Ugh. You’re like 4’8, I literally wouldn’t stoop so low.

Wow, nice one. As expected, there were celebrations in the whole of Zimbabwe when the news was announced.

Imagine people celebrating the fact that you’ve left power, obviously shows you left no positive impact.

“What you looking at?”

I’m just wondering why Mugabe didn’t resign earlier when he was given the chance to.

Probably had to authorise one last embezzlement transaction. Stay woke.

Haha. Resignation at your own convenience when the odds and tax payers’ funds are stacked against you. Brilliant!

Meanwhile it seems the former VP will become interim President till 2018 when the next elections are scheduled to hold.

Didn’t he rule alongside Mugabe all this while? Frying pan to fire if you ask me.

Shhh! It’s bad manners to reveal spoilers.

Here’s us wishing our Zimbabwean Roundabouts the best in the coming days. Yeah, we know we global.

Alright on to the next one.



1000 Ways to Die in Marriage

As they say, hell hath no fury like a woman scummed…

And boy, did this woman take her fury overboard or what?

Earlier this week, a woman was alleged to have stabbed her husband to death after discovering his alleged infidelity via a text on his phone.

: The man, Bilyamin Bello, who is the son of the former PDP chairman Haliru Bello, was stabbed in the neck and chest by his wife, Maryam Sanda, daughter of former Aso Savings bank boss, Hajia Maimuna Aliyu in the bedroom of their home in Maitama, Abuja.

This marriage thing is just looking scarier and more pointless by the day.

Nah. I don’t think the problem is with marriage itself, it’s the values and mindsets of those who decide to go into it that needs to be checked.

Hmm, can’t argue with that.

It’s really sad though as the marriage was just two years old.

Yeah! I mean as much as cheating is bad and can be very hurtful, violence or murder is never the way to go.

I mean how do you end someone’s life over a text?

Without even giving him a chance to at least lie about it. Smh.

She probably couldn’t stand it, went straight for the jugular.

Never imagined that he could juggle her and another woman.

According to one of the friends of the deceased, the man had actually complained several times about his wife’s violent acts. She had even bitten off his ear before the latest incident, which resulted in him being hospitalized.

Wow! This is why it’s really important to observe whom you’re settling down with. It’s not all about the butterflies and shit.

Yeah, because domestic abuse never starts in a day. Apparently, the man was also planning to divorce his wife before the incident and I can bet 2 tubers of yam she found out.

I guess she wasn’t playing when she said ‘Till death do us part’ during the taking of the vows.

Too bad it had to end this way. May the deceased rest in peace.  And we pray for strength for his family to bear this loss.

Amen. But where one marriage ends is where another one begins.

Such is the circle of life.




Yassss. In case you’ve been living under a rock and didn’t hear about #BAAD2017, good thing is we’re here for you as always with the gist.

Yup. And true to its hash tag the traditional wedding of Banky W and Adesua Etomi was baaadd!!  Like everyone who is somebody in the entertainment industry was there. The white wedding held this weekend, but let’s focus on the traditional for a bit.

It was a wedding party like no other. But there was a particular person who stole the show on social media that day and ironically it was neither the groom not the bride.

I’m sure by now you all would have seen that Alpha and Omega of agbadas that Ebuka wore to the event.

Or as I’d like to call it, Advanced Garment & Bespoke Archetype of Deadly Attires (A.G.B.A.D.A).

Loool wtf?

For real, that shit deserves its own abbreviation. Can’t be calling it agbada like every other one before it. I mean look at this alpha male…

Loool. That thing should be called a slay armour. Like could he move in that thing though?

Good to see one Igbo guy finally repping the rest well in fashion.

Lmao. We wish Banky and Adesua a blissful marriage though.

And as expected, Tunde tailor from Iyana-oworo has already tried remaking the style for some of you.

Nigerians must hop on everything, paying little or no attention to the fine details.

Can’t blame us. I hear the original tailor (don’t know if I can call him tailor or designer) charges between 150 -280k for that design.


And you know Sege bespoke in Agbotikuyo will do it for you at about 70k. Gats hit up Sege.

Just that Sege might not deliver till June 2018.

Normal level.



He Didn’t See That Coming

Sorry we just had to interrupt to do this piece.

Dun be angry.

Too many weird things happened this week for us to not drop in to comment on the ridiculousness.

First off, there was the Texas Congressman whose nudes leaked.

Sorry Joe Barton.

Why is this news please?

Well, because he’s only about 68.

Haven’t you heard? The older the berry, the freakier the juice…

I’m pretty sure that’s not how the saying goes..

Also… Did you guys see this?

They actually had to cover up the statue because it was offensive and gross…

To be fair it does look like the child is being handed something…

And it’s not bread.

I mean why is it at crotch level? The sculptor couldn’t think of any other positions?

Anyway, the statue is being redesigned cos the last thing we need is more Catholic priest scandals…

Word. But the article that really took the clincher this week was some eye opening shit.

Or closing…depending on how you look at it.

For those of you that think what you don’t see can’t hurt you, this story is for you.

It is also for those of you that try to keep going when common sense is telling you “it’s enough”.

Also for those sisters that will be shouting “harder! Deeper! Keep going!” Going to where?

According to Daily Mail, a man had to go to hospital after becoming blind in one eye when he orgasmed too hard during sex.

Yes this is a real thing.

The ‘29-year-old man presented to the emergency eye clinic reporting an obstruction in the central vision of his left eye, which he had noticed on waking that morning’.

Homie did the sex the night before, came in peace, and then woke up blind in one eye!

What an anti-climax!

According to doctors, what happened was a “Valsalva maneuveur,” which occurs when your abdominal muscles are tensed and air is forced against a closed windpipe, resulting in chest pressure increase.

This pressure then caused the blood vessel in the eye of the unfortunate man to pop like a graduating corper.

During his clinical rounds (lol), the patient reported an episode of vigorous sexual intercourse on the evening preceding the onset of symptoms.

Baba went at it full on, banged away with reckless abandon and woke up with one eye.

As such, this period, we just want to warn you people to take it easy. Don’t be looking for bed-shattering, toe-curling, body-twitching orgasms.

Take what you get and be satisfied, or else, you may go blind and then you won’t be able to come again.

Nelly take note.

Well, well. I did not see that coming. Why me?

Maybe because you are the one with the least…




Time to give you guys the words to abide by this week.

Bring out your jotters guys.

First we learnt that you should never let people force you to do anything even if you still plan to do that thing.

That’s right. Because no one should tell you what to do.

And secondly we learnt that faithfulness is key to living a long life.

Seems someone has learnt fast already.

Also, if you’re sending an IV, please add ‘Dress to impress but not outshine’ on it.

And that sometimes it’s not enough to master one craft, be versatile and learn other things too, like fashion sense.

Then there was the vital lesson of what choice to make when you’re presented with either an orgasm or your eyesight.

Easy choice. Who eyesight epp?

Wow. I did not see that coming.

Neither did he. Apparently…

Speaking of…did you guys hear Atiku has left APC?

Mans really wants to run for president sha.

Who will vote for him please?

You’ll be surprised.

Bruh. I’ll be surprised as fuck if Nigerians attempt such folly. You know how much money Atiku has spent trying to get back in Aso Villa? Put him back in and it’s…

Please choose wisely.

So that’s it from us guys.

Have a lovely week.

See you guys same time same place next week.

Later y’all!!


  1. Lawal OLumide
    Excellent stuff. Got me laughing so hard like what I’m watching a comedy skit. You guys always make my Sunday. Glad to see Nelly & Segs doing 3 pieces, they did well!
  2. Princewill
    I’ll just drop this here…
    In view of the unfortunate killing of a young man by his wife by stabbing, for cheating, I would like to proffer the following advise to my brothers:

    1) Keep 2 phones – 1 phone not to be brought home but kept in the boot of the car downstairs.

    2) Develop the habit of deleting messages as you read. It will save your life.

    3) Take your wife for mental check up regularly.

    4) Save your girlfriends number with your mothers name. It’s a major repellent.

    5) Change your phone password daily.

    6) Never marry a quiet woman. The ones that will scream and slap you, will never kill you.

    7) Never pretend to be faithful. Let them catch you once in a while. It’s training and will prepare them.

    8) Lock up all the knives in your house and let her sign a register stating what she needs them for and allocate time frame for usage.

    9) Regulate the usage of rat poison and other chemicals in the house. Make sure her mother taste your food before eating.

    10) Regulate and supervise her relationship with her mother. That would cut off supply chain for arms.

    11) Date only secondary school girls, they are not very needy and will not send texts at night.

    12) Sleep with your body ensconced in armour and borrow or buy okada helmet to protect the head.

    13) Have a sit down with your wife and discuss possible methods of your death in the event of her catching you. This is to ensure a painless transition.

    14) When choosing a girlfriend go for the most beautiful and exotic that you can find. Since it is now a matter of life and death, chop better so your death would be justified

    15) Finally, update your will daily because you will surely be caught someday.

  3. Anons
    “How do you know his ass is hairy fam? You’ve eaten it before?”
    “Fuck you please.”
    “I would say you wish but I know you already do that.”
    “Ugh. You’re like 4’8, I literally wouldn’t stoop so low.”
    Lol low blow. Is Nelly really that short though?

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