Rounds Week 49: On #EndSARS, Atiku’s return, Rochas’ new Ministry, and more


The year is 2017. The news is outlandish as ever. And the crew is more than willing to bring it to you. Join Terdoo, Sirkastiq, Saga and Nelly on this week’s episode of Rounds.


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Good morning folks!

How’s the hangover coming buddy?

Bruh, I can barely see the teleprompter.

That explains why ROUNDS is late, huh?

Surprised to see you lot here. There’s no fuel scarcity in your area?

Bro, that ship sailed sometime during the week.

Well, the ship in my area sailed away with all the fuel cos I still don’t have shit.

Where do you stay again?

Friend that doesn’t know where you stay, is that one friend?

Yes. Penpal



“Fuck you bro” Coining new abbreviations.

Read recently that Lai Mohammed alluded the scarcity to winter.

We have winter here, or it’s coming? Because I don’t understand.

You should know by now that your politicians don’t have sense.

And water is wet.

Smh. Let us begin.
Before we do though, this was our favorite post this week.

You sha found a way to squeeze it in.
So lit.




The Headlines


Because enough is enough


Nigerians in the slave trade

It be ya own countrymen…


Atiku Returns

Presidential league must cast


Rochas strikes again

How to set higher bars of incompetence




It’s been a long time coming.

Yes o…after story upon story and thread upon thread about the notoriety of the authorized officials called SARS…

It seems Nigerians on social media finally decided they had had enough and chose to speak up after someone tweeted this.

And ever since then it’s been tweet after tweet telling the story of how monstrous these people actually are using the hash tag #EndSARS.

And calling them monstrous isn’t even a harsh tag tbh. I mean at this point, all we want is to go back to the days when the only SARS we knew was a respiratory disease.

Tell em Doc!

Within hours the hash tag had picked up pace and attracted a lot of attention with celebrities and even foreign news outlets using the hash tag.

Honestly, it’s good to see that our social media voices count for something.

Didn’t we realize this since the time of #BBOG?

But now that it’s causing actions to be taken, I feel heard, sort of.

Slow down on the feeling sis till our leaders actually show they’ve heard us. It’s been days now and not a single word on the issue from the presidency yet. I mean even Atiku has spoken about it.

Well it has attracted the attention of the Inspector General of Police though who has ordered an immediate reorganization of the force as well as investigations of all complaints and allegations against the SARS operatives.


Lol. At least he’s pretending to care.

True. Unlike the PRO of the Police, Jimoh Moshood, who said that police brutality is a problem in every part of the world especially America, so we don’t need to make a fuss about it.

Wait, WHAT?!

Okay he didn’t exactly say that. Actually what he said was that the hash tag was a politically sponsored one which is equally stupid in my opinion.

Hard to disagree.

I mean that totally invalidates the views of everyone who has been a victim. I’ve never been unfortunate enough to be harassed by them but the numerous accounts of human rights violation can’t all be fabrications. Whatever anyone accused SARS of, they did that shit.

Well their victims are mostly guys who have cars and look wealthy, no one will harass you while you’re jumping bus from Agege to Iponri.

Lmaooo. Wow! That hurt.

But really, I don’t even want to experience their wahala abeg. People’s stories are scary enough. And I, for one, can’t keep my big mouth shut around law enforcement agents.

Lol. Better restrict your big mouth to Rounds and that other thing you use it for. At least till we’re sure the government is gonna actually #EndSARS.



Still on this slave trade issue…

So… as you already might be aware…

You know, cos we told you last week

Nigerians have started returning home after the wind blew and opened fowl booty on the whole Libya slave trade thing.

Yes people, our brothers have started coming back…

Very sweet news. But the gist that they brought back is far from palatable.

Some of the Nigerians who came back said that the brains behind these Libyan slave trade operations are none other than…

Well, you guessed it. Fellow Nigerians.

Bruh, we are really out there selling our own blood for money.

As reported by Punch, one of the victims, Odion Saliu (26), a hairdresser from Edo state, said she was kidnapped and handed over to a Nigerian, who forced her to call her mother.


According to Odion, her mom paid 200 grand to see her daughter. But she was sold again for 3,000 dinars (about N794,000).

God forbid.

“When I was kidnapped with others and held for some weeks, the Arabs asked if I wanted to be taken to a Nigerian and I readily said yes. I was very happy that I was going to someone from my country. But it was a lie.

The Nigerian they took me to locked me in a cell and told me to call my mother and ask for N60,000. The man said he would sell me to a connection house if my family did not get the money. I called to inform my mother and the trafficker who facilitated my journey from Nigeria.

But the trafficker spoke with them on the phone and told them the amount they demanded was too small. They increased it to N200,000. My mother paid into an account after they provided her with the account number over the phone.

The Nigerian said if I wanted to cross the sea, I had to pay him again. But when we got to the seaside, he sold me again.

See my heart wants to cut. Is this where we’re at now? This is what we’re now doing?


Another victim, Sunday Anyaegbunam, also from Edo state…


…left Nigeria with his wife (earlier in April) and was sold twice in 9 days.

Talk about a fucked up honeymoon.

We were made to contact our families on the phone and I had to ensure the payment of N400,000 for my release and N300,000 for my wife,”

Nigerians are scum. Yes, I said it. Fight me.

“The Nigerians selling people in Libya are more wicked than many of the ArabsI have never seen people so heartless as the Nigerians who bought and sold me. When you approach them and say, ‘Please, my brother, help me.’ They would tell you, “No brother in the jungle”.

Lies. Mufasa and Scar were brothers.

I’m not sure that’s the best example to use here bruh.

LOL! To be honest I think it’s the perfect example for this post.

Man. The things we heard this week about this Libyan slave trade. My ears are still ringing.

You dare not talk to them, else they would beat you and lock you up. They sell women for 5,000 dinars and men for N4,000 dinars. I noticed that the connection houses were also controlled by Nigerian women.

Esosa Osas, another victim.


This is why we can’t have nice things in this country.

In more palatable news, the returnees are being rehabilitated and re-introduced to society.

It will take some time. All that trauma…

Gratefully, the Edo state government is doing something right. A home has been provided to help them recover, and the government is giving them a stipend.

We still don’t deserve nice things.





Atiku has returned to PDP.

I mean, you should already know that.

What you might not know is why…

Well, because he can’t get that Presidential ticket at APC. We all know that Buhari is fixing to run for a second term.

God forbid.

God forbid.

God forbid oh!

God forbid.


Ah, you people have vexed oh. So you will not be voting for Buhari in 2019??

LOL! Please. I know we throw banter back and forth on here all the time but let’s be serious. Nobody in his right mind is voting for Buhari again.

How do you land the country in a recession TWICE in one lifetime?

Uncle please step dan. The evil you’ve done is enough.

I mean, if he wasn’t indisposed and Prof didn’t take over the reins of leadership during that period, we’ll probably still be in the recession.

And Baba will come on air and be talking about kwarapshun.

That’s if he even deems it fit to address us.

Please please please it’s enough. If he can take early sabbatical sef we won’t mind. You don’t have to finish your term. We will understand.

When is Yemi going to contest for presidency, that’s what I wanna know.

Speaking of contesting for Presidency, Atiku has already put on his running shoes, complete with socks.

Well, that sucks.

So let me get this straight, he was in PDP before…

He’s actually one of the founding fathers of the party.


Right. SO he left because??

Well, he was chasing that Presidential ticket. And he legit thought he had a shot at the seat with APC.

And now that he knows that he won’t get it in 2019 with APC, mans decided to bounce. And where better than home sweet home?

Obasanjo!! Professor will hear of this.

I thought he said he dropped out of PDP..

LOL! Once a soldier…

Word. But I think mans is too busy gaining new knowledge to be involved in politics?

We’re still in 2017 fam. He still has one year to stretch and write a few letters.

“Signed. Dr. Obasanjo.”

*sigh* When are we gonna have 30 year olds contesting for presidency?

We’re waiting for the two of you.

Nah. Somebody has to play the role of the press.

We volunteer.

And as the press, we’re tired of this crop of politicians.

Speaking of…



Rochas Strikes Again

Imo kwenu!




Kwezo nu!


Imo people which ways? What did you do to offend your governor that he has decided to make your state the L capital of the country?

As in, I’m tired. We’ve gotten to that point in Nigeria where our leaders don’t even care what we think anymore. Like they just damn the consequences because, what’s gonna happen anyways??

Or how do we explain a Nigerian governor appointing his sister as the Commissioner for Happiness and Couples fulfillment.

Appointing his sister is the first error but then creating a ministry of Happiness and Couples fulfillment for her to head?? The audacity!

He made that error long ago apparently, she’s also his deputy Chief of staff and Special Adviser on Domestic Matters while his son-in-law is his Chief of staff.

Meanwhile, his spokesman defended his decision saying there is nothing unusual about it. IN his words:

“The governor is a man of ideas, always introducing new things to governance.”

Hmmm, can’t disagree, he’s definitely introduced so many stupid ideas. I’m just here wondering what her job description would be.

Well I’m assuming paying outstanding salaries or creating jobs and improving their healthcare and doing things that would actually make the people happy is definitely not one of them.

How exactly do you even ensure couples fulfillment? Ban the wives from watching Zee world and the husbands from pursuing university girls?

Lol. Well in a terrible effort to save face, they later came out and said it was a typo and that the actual name of the ministry should be Ministry of Happiness and Purpose Fulfillment.

What’s the difference please? A better name would even be Happiness and Purpose Fulfillment Ministries with Senior Prophetess Ogechi Ololo aka Amaka Jesus.

Lmao. Honestly still find all this hard to believe.

For someone who built a statue of a corrupt politician from another country with millions of tax payers’ funds, what do you think?

Sigh. I am yet to get over that total waste of state resources.

Meanwhile, Rochas be like…hold my palmwine…

Unbelievable that he has aspirations of becoming President someday when he obviously has no…




Haha! Love it!

Time to stop laughing and bring out your note pads guys.

So what did we learn this week?

First, we learnt that if you corner a goat it will eventually fight back and protest.

Sometimes 140 words really does make a difference.

It’s 280 now, update your Twitter for blackberry.

But why didn’t you people turn up for protest na?

Please please. You want them to come and use me as for example?

All I’ll say is not every protest has to be on the streets. The pen is mightier than the placard.

Still though, I was expecting way more people to show up.

It be ya own niggas.

Speaking of, God will punish all of you for us. All of you selling our brothers to the white man.

Oh they’ll get what’s coming to them.

Next we learnt that loyalty is a myth as far as politics is concerned.


So far it looks like it’s Atiku19, apparently.

I weep in advance.

Meanwhile, congratulations to OBJ on that defense…

At least someone is still developing himself. Not calling out any names or anything…


Also we learnt that even if Nigerians have given you overwhelming evidence that the guys you hired are assassins in uniform… Go ahead and praise them for their efforts and also restructure the unit by putting a bigger rogue.

Then we learnt that it’s important to always surprise people with how stupid you can be. Never show them your full abilities at once.

Go further with it, ignore the people’s need for health and education and everything else necessary for life and go install a commissioner for happiness…that ought to fulfill them.

So that’s it from us this week.

We love you.

We appreciate you.

And we hope to see you next week, same time, same place.





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  1. Jen
    this whole slavery shit boils down to our lack of trust in NPF, I mean they are supposed to be our friend….definitely the kinda shit you call friends for….still very hard to believe that people are been sold out in this our time, this our_everybody_don_tear_eye time

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