Marriage seems to be one of the most lucrative “business ventures” in Nigeria right now. It is ubiquitous; all across our country, in every region, every social class, every ethnicity, every religion or non-religion, people are getting married in droves. Everyone I know is either getting married or planning to get married. Okay, not everyone but…
Marriage seems to be one of the most lucrative “business ventures” in Nigeria right now. It is ubiquitous; all across our country, in every region, every social class, every ethnicity, every religion or non-religion, people are getting married in droves. Everyone I know is either getting married or planning to get married. Okay, not everyone but you get the picture. One cannot hang out and enjoy a glass of beer or watch footie anymore without friends/family reminding you of your age and the need to include marriage in your to-do-list.
The emergence of social media, especially Instagram, has made weddings a competition. A Nigerian wedding is incomplete nowadays if it does not appear on Bella Naija and/or similar sites. Everyone is trying to out do each other in decoration, organisation, pre/post wedding shoots, costumes, couple entrance etc.
For some, especially the female folk, marriage is something they aspire to and holds the key to the pursuit of happiness. Many are of the belief that married people are better than single people and that a healthy marriage has a huge effect on physical/mental health, longevity and prosperity.
Before one goes further, let’s define marriage. Why? Well because marriage, in all honesty, is complex and hard to define. It encompasses all aspects of life; conjugal relations, friendship/companionship, love, procreation, mutual responsibility and/or solidifying family alliance (special thanks to Game of Thrones).
Traditionally, marriage is between a man and woman for any or all of the aforementioned reasons. Generally, it is believed that marriage gives one a greater sense of responsibility, life and purpose.
However, our society is at a turning point. The monopoly of traditional marriage has been questioned resulting in calls from different works of life for everyone to embrace marriage equality i.e. marriage between individuals of the same sex.
People are more vocal nowadays and throw their weights behind same-sex marriage; whether it contradicts religious doctrines or not. Recently, marriage equality won the day in Ireland and is soon to be legal following approval of a referendum to constitutionalise the recognition of marriage irrespective of the couple’s sex.
Despite the large Catholic community in Ireland, 78% voted in favour of same-sex marriage hence becoming the 22nd country in the world to legalise same-sex marriage. Other countries include: Netherlands (the first country to do so in 2000), Belgium (2003), US (some states in 2003), Spain (2003), Canada (2005), South Africa (the first African country to do so in 2006), Norway, Sweden (both 2009), Mexico (some parts in 2009), Argentina (2010), Portugal (2010), Denmark (2012), New Zealand, France, Iceland, UK, Brazil, Uruguay (all 2013), Luxembourg (2014), Slovenia (the first Slavic and central European country to do so in 2015) and Finland (2015 but will not take effect till 2017).
Unsurprisingly, despite the marriage madness in our country, Nigeria doesn’t appear on the list. Nigeria and its citizenry still uphold the sanctity of the traditional marriage between a man and a woman. Civilised individuals believe traditional marriage is obsolete and based on religious and moral tenets – which cannot be proven.
This is what piques me the most about same-sex marriage advocates. They are quick to tag people who do not share the same view as homophobic, unexposed and even ‘haters’. According to Matthew J Franck who wrote in First Things, “In the contemporary debate on the future of marriage, there appears to be, amid many uncertainties, one sure thing. Those who publicly defend traditional marriage can be haters, bigots or irrational theocrats and perhaps all of these at once.”
My question is, how is it homophobic for anyone to reason and express his views based on religious and moral grounds? What happened to one’s right to freedom of religion? It is our constitutional obligation to respect others’ freedom of speech, freedom of association and freedom of thought/conscience as well.
I am not for/against same sex marriage; I respect everyone’s decisions but you can’t and won’t force certain things down the throats of people and expect them to smile and say thank you. A number of religions do not support same-sex marriage but if your religion or non-religion supports it. That’s fine!
However, I don’t support people who clamour for religious rules to bend to satisfy their desires and ambitions. If you are a same-sex advocate and your religion abhors marriage equality, it is nobody’s fault. Human beings, whether religious or non-religious, base their lives on beliefs and use reason to distinguish between right and wrong.
From a Christian perspective, “therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh.” Proverbs 18: 22 also says “He who finds a wife finds what is good and obtains favour from the Lord.” Before you frown at my Bible citations because of your belief or view about the Bible, the truth is that we all tend to make sense of things on the basis of limited evidence available (beliefs).
The Igbos believe marriage is a public institution hence the saying “otu onye anaghi alu nwanyi.” Truly, the only certainty in this unending debate about marriage equality, is that marriage is the business of the society and its success or failure has a huge impact on the society. For me, based on my beliefs I say live and let live. Don’t expect religion(s) or anyone to bend a knee to your beliefs.
What do you think about marriage equality?
We still do???
I do not want to rant, but damn boo!!
Please if you are going quack and swim like one, at least have decency to realize what it is you are; which is a homophobic Duck!!!
P.S. that duck was autocorrected.
In essence the author is saying, you don’t want to be judged for being gay so don’t judge me for not liking your lifestyle. If you are allowed your preferences, i must be allowed mine as well
Based on these definitions, I can’t categorically classify myself as homophobic.
I’m guessing it’s really simple…
*silence*
will it??
It won’t right??
using religion as a way to bar someone from their basic right or wants is like a misogist using the Bible to make women into second class citizens ..
Christians seem to think marriage was an invention they created lol
Marriage was a pagan tradition before it was made Christian… like almost every thing that’s Christian… so I really don’t see why Christians get so territorial on the word “marriage” …ask them the origin of the word and they’d be silenced.
Everything will always evolve… marriage evolved plenty and will continue to do so…
There was a time “marital rape” was legal before someone had the brains enough to change it..
But I guess there’s always going to be someone opposing a good thing…
I can really imagine a guy opposing that stand
“As a husband, I am disgruntled by this new law that will not allow me to have marital affairs with my wife… what goes on in our bed room is no-one’s business….i paid for her fucking brideprice… I deserve to enjoy my money’s worth.
I would like to convince all u men to vote against this ploy of the devil ….I Am a human being, I have rights!!!… and have the right to do what ever to my wife!!”
U cant be an LGBT ally and not be happy by whatever progress they make in the world. .
If heterosexuals can get married and divorced for as many times as they wish… y’all… marriage isn’t that sacred
Posted from TNC Mobile
“If you don’t want to be judged for being gay don’t judge those who dislike your lifestyle”
He (or she) stated very clearly that our way of thinking is based on our beliefs. It is how we make sense of things. The Bible is the source of a Christian’s moral compass and it is been ridiculed by some and now one questions the origin of marriage and that suddenly it isn’t that sacred? To the author of said statement, I say that: “to you it may not be, but to every Christians marriage is sacred.”
To refer to the article directly, Jesus while being questioned by the Priests about taxes said this: “Give unto Caesar what is Caesar and give unto God what belongs to God”. In order words, if a thing is a law in your Country whether or not you agree with it, you have to abide by it. To go contrary to it would be to invite the wrath of the legal system on said person.
Now in light of that, Christianity and Islam are against same sex marriages and no amount of liberalism or open-mindedness will change that. It is set in stone. This however does not mean one should hate a person for choosing to practice it. It is their life and they have a right to it. Not being for it while still having a “live and let live situation” does not make one homophobic. As has stated, it is when you begin to actively discriminate against said persons that one is termed a homophobic individual.
If this is not your belief system, practice your own words and do not attack the author for his beliefs. If he (or she) were gay and one was not in support, it is the same way there would be bashing. Attacking him (or her) for such a belief is the same as being a “homophobe”, just in a different situation/scenario.
Your dislike for gays does not give you any rights to use YOUR religion as a basis for discrimination; your religion should be personal to you & kept out of the public space.
As an earlier commenter noted; marriage is changing swiftly and will keep on doing so and oh am gay & Nigerian- proudly so! You can read more about the authentic experiences of contemporary gay Nigerians on kitodiaries.com
http://anonhq.com/new-u-s-study-says-gay-people-not-born-way-sexual-orientation-not-fixed/ . That said, wether or not it is choice is immaterial, as humans we are allowed to have choices.
So far there has been chatter and media (trad and social) backlash on refusal of religious officials to marry gay couple. It is only a matter of time before that becomes the law.
Where does it all end. At what point does giving some people freedom takes away the freedom of others?
I read through your post and your thought process seems to be a little…. I really couldn’t get a grasp of your message.
You started my detailing how people are harassed for being single… then how women think getting married is the ultimate.. followed by the drama of the wedding ceremony … you summed it up by adding the same sex marriage ish… Quite a mouthful if you ask me
Live and let live though? i don’t think that’s applicable in the Nigerian society…
Instead, it should be judged on the grounds of what is best for individuals and the country as a whole.
(Marriage aside, the criminalisation of same sex acts is a violation of human rights, as what to people choose to do privately with each other is no ones business)
So you need to ask, does it serve the country as a whole to encourage same sex relationships? One could say no, since it is in the interest of the state to encourage traditional relationships that will in turn produce children to secure the future of the state.
Next you need to ask if this is a good enough reason to stop two people from expressing their love for each other.
The argument of the state needing to sustain it’s population will not hold water in Nigeria today, rapid population growth is a problem.
My stand therefore is, despite my Christian beliefs that homosexuality is a sin, people are free to sin. And I do not have the right to police other people’s decisions. So by all means same sex marriages should be legalised.
What I was taught in my psychology class about phobias isn’t just a dislike of something. It’s much deeper than that