The pressure is ON to loose your virginity like yesterday!!!  Parents who might have otherwise counseled you, forbade you or restricted you from sexual involvement before marriage, are now encouraging you to use protection because they have given in to the belief that YOU WILL DO IT ANYWAY, so you might as well be safe.  But, before you go ahead and do what ‘everybody’ thinks you should be doing or have done by now, here are seven reasons to WAIT!

WAIT because IT’S NOT TRUE!  Not everyone is doing it.  You are not everyone, you are an individual.  Make your own decision, don’t follow the herd!

WAIT because YOU CAN’T TAKE IT BACK!  Once you give it, it is gone!  There’s no rewinding the time.  When you meet the one you should have shared that wonderful first experience with, you will know what a waste it was to throw it away.

WAIT because YOU DESERVE LOVE. Yes you do.  Anybody that compels you to have sex outside of a loving commitment (marriage) does not really love you.  Putting out doesn’t lead to happily ever afters anymore than losing your shoe!

WAIT because IT IS NEVER 100% SAFE.  There is no such thing as safe sex!  The safest sex is that between a man and a woman who are wholly committed and truthful to each other.  You might end up with a baby, or even worse, a fatal disease.

WAIT because THERE IS A TIME FOR EVERYTHING. There’s a time to play, and laugh, and cry, and yes, have sex for the first time.  Enjoy your adolescence.  Don’t be in a hurry to grow up.  When you have grown up responsibilities, you’ll realize that you cheated yourself of a childhood, if you never really enjoyed the simple things of love without the burden of sex.

WAIT because PRACTICE DOESN’T MAKE YOU AN EXPERT.  The idea that practice makes perfect is true in some situations, but not all.  And definitely not where it concerns something as personal and emotional as sex.  Having many relationships never made anyone an expert at relationships.  It actually reveals how BAD they are at relationships.  You really don’t need to be a prostitute to be good at sex.

WAIT because GOD SAYS SO.  The dangerous impact of promiscuity can be felt all over the world, among Christians and Atheists alike.  Consider the many broken homes, teenage pregnancies and abortions!  God put in those boundaries for a reason bigger than we realize.  When we do it His way, we get the best outcome!

My brothers and sisters, Christian or unbeliever, please WAIT!

Responses

  1. aguh jennifer
    This is a great piece, thanks for writing it! Reading this made me wait and re-think.
    You know nowadays, people see virgins as hypocrite..they’ll say with a puzzled look,she’s a virgin? how is that possible?she must be doing self servicing or a lesbian.
    A friend of mine in her early 20’s who is pregnant was telling me, she wished she had waited ,she went on and on telling me that the guy who she thought had loved her wanted her body and nothing else.
    Thanks once again for this! God bless you.
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      1. A.
        That was sarcasm. You make it sound like prostitute is the opposite of virgin.

        To be honest with ourselves, all the reasons here don’t apply if you don’t wait. People have sex outside marriage and go on to leave great lives. There are also people that are virgins till marriage and still suffer the so-called repercussions above.

        If you want to encourage people to wait, don’t be condescending. Appeal to their heart and mind. By now you know not everyone believes in God.

        My 2 cents.

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        1. Ufuomaee Post author
          Hi A,

          Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I would have to disagree with you that I am making it sound as you say. I think you disagree with me, and that is simply the issue. Don’t accuse me of saying what I didn’t say. Am I wrong to say that being a prostitute doesn’t make one an expert at sex? Or do you truly believe that being a prostitute or having many partners equates to being better at sex?

          I really don’t believe your statement that “all the reasons here don’t apply if you don’t wait”. I truly believe that is a dishonest statement, made to devalue the wise counsel because of your preference. Certainly people break the rules, take short cuts, jump the queue and do all sorts of selfish things to get ahead – and yes, many succeed that way. But would it be wise to tell everyone to ignore the rules and do the same? Like Chris Rock once said, “just because you can drive with only one hand doesn’t make it a good idea!” Wisdom is profitable in all things.

          And I also disagree with your accusation that I am being condescending. How can you say I did not appeal to their heart and mind? I didn’t base the whole post on religion. In fact, I kept the religious argument til last, as the seal of WISDOM, but presented strong, relevant arguments in favour of abstinence until marriage. But because you know I am a Christian, and because I appealed to the God factor at all, you would like to through my whole post out as just a religious condescending piece. But it appears that you are the one not applying critical nor sincere thought.

          Sincerely, Ufuoma.

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          1. A.
            Hi Ufuoma,

            You could have just said having a lot of sex doesn’t automatically make you good at it. The reference to prostitutes was totally unnecessary.

            The rest of your comment amused me because you assumed that 1. I’m against waiting and 2. I’m not a virgin. Well, SURPRISE, I’m a virgin and I’m waiting till marriage because (another shocker) of my religion and preference.

            Waiting till marriage is not a rule so I don’t see what you’re saying. I mean your first 2 reasons are true. The other ones…nah. Someone can lose their virginity to someone they love outside marriage. Don’t go assuming that someone that loves you won’t have sex with you till you guys are married. 100% safe is also not guaranteed in marriage fyi.

            Practice makes you perfect when it comes to sex. Let’s not kid ourselves. That’s probably why you used relationships to explain that point and not sex.

            Toodles :)

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          2. Mya
            I also think you are being condescending, but my main problem is with your first paragraph where you said parents are now telling their children about protection. You say that like it’s a bad thing and it’s these kinds of statements that put countries like ours at the top of the list for unsafe abortion and teenage pregnancy. Teaching abstinence is great and wonderful, but it is a fact that there are some adolescents who will have sex, and not telling them about how to protect themselves is partly how we got here. And you may not have meant it that way, but you basically implied that if a woman has had more sexual partners than others she is a prostitute. I’m saying as a health worker here that abstinence only policies do not work and we have to stop pretending that if we try hard enough they will.
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  2. Au Contraire.
    Interesting write up.Some quick questions though…

    -Is this article addressed to a particular age group (read teenagers) who need guidance?
    -Wait till when exactly? Marriage? what then happens to all the folk who have no intention of getting married or those who never get to meet the “right”one till late in life? Are they doomed never to enjoy sex?

    2+
    1. Ufuomaee Post author
      Interesting questions. Thanks.

      The main target group are youths, who need guidance, but whose parents have given in to the world’s lies and are now among the many people pressuring them to have sex. You know some guys want to make sure the girl can get pregnant before they decide to marry them, and parents wanting their children to get married, can also fall for this, and encourage their daughters to have unprotected sex, so they can get pregnant and marry their boyfriends. It’s sad and foolish.

      Yes, marriage is the only safe place for sexual release and intimacy, and as a Christian, I believe that everyone, whatever their age or gender ought to wait until they are in such a committed loving and trustworthy relationship before engaging in sex.

      Regarding the many folks who are not interested in marriage… My counsel would still be to abstain from sex, even if they are not Christian, because the impact of sexual immorality affects as all. It is a human right concern. Life is far more than sex, but the sexually immoral have perverted it so that sex is the be all and end all of human existence! Sex is great, but we needn’t be so focused on it.

      You can enjoy many wonderful and deep relationships without engaging in sex. And if you feel your bond deepening without sex, which often happens with people who have genuine affection for each other, then why not get married, and make it real? But when we are obsessed with sex, we want to marry so we can have sex, rather than marry because we genuinely love someone and are committed to them. Taking sex off the table until marriage purifies our motives!

      Also, sexual pleasure and intimacy are much more heightened where the relationship is characterized by mutual love, trust, faithfulness and agreement. Pre-marital sex can affect the sexual pleasure and intimacy of two people who come together, after having sexual adventures prior to marriage. They bring their diverse expectations and experiences into the equation, which though they hope will enrich the experience, actually takes away from their bonding as they are unconsciously comparing and judging each other’s performance against past conquests. This can lead to discontent, rejection and ultimately, unfaithfulness.

      There’s so much that can be said on the benefits of keeping sex for marriage, even without bringing God into it. Many people who don’t believe in God abstain for this and many reasons. It is really about WISDOM, and God who is the wisest of all has ordained sex for the marital bed, to protect both partners and their offspring from the abuse of sex, and the ravaging power of lust!

      Sincerely, Ufuoma.

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  3. Andronicus
    If after marriage one finds out she’s not compatible with her spouse, what happens? Counselling? Manage it? Divorce?
    Love does not guarantee great sex.
    Loving sex does not 100% make one a prostitute.
    It’s advice like this that give young girls the impression that sex is only enjoyed by men and thus a favor to men.
    5+
    1. Ufuomaee Post author
      Hi thanks for asking your question and making your contribution.

      You said: “Love does not guarantee great sex”, so I have to ask you, which is more important to you, real love or great sex?

      Sure, you may not have great sex with the person your love deeply at the beginning, but you have your whole lives to learn each other’s sexual capabilities, and to experiment and grow together in being ONE sexually. My husband and I didn’t get it right from the beginning. Now, we’re loving it!

      If great sex is more important to you, you will probably find your heart hurting and bruised by the person you are giving your all to, who is not returning the favour, and who is in fact hurting you by being unfaithful, untrustworthy or uncaring about your feelings. And even if you think you don’t have emotional needs, you will soon learn that you do, and they need to be satisfied with real love! Don’t settle for less than you deserve.

      It can only be a win win, when you win with love first…then you can work at winning with sex, if it doesn’t come naturally. If you start off with winning with sex, you should know that it doesn’t always lead to love or marriage. It mostly leads to heartbreak, if you’re being honest.

      You also wrote: “Loving sex does not 100% make one a prostitute”. Your response implies that loving sex makes one a certain % of a prostitute. Of course I am not saying loving sex makes you a prostitute. My reference to prostitute was in the context of practice making perfect.

      Many prostitutes are not even good in bed. They are not intimate with those who sleep with them… Great sex is more than the physical act of intercourse. Love making is the greatest form of sex and requires a deep emotional connection, and you can’t have that with many people.

      And for the record, many prostitutes do not love sex, because sex is not something they choose to give freely, but they feel compelled to sell their bodies to survive, and the abuse their bodies have suffered have numbed them to the pleasure of sex. It may be even hard for them to enjoy sexual intimacy after leaving their trade.

      I really don’t know how you can say my advice gives girls the impression that only men can enjoy sex. Where in my post did I distinguish the sexes? I was careful to address both males and females, so that all can know that this is the TRUTH for both sexes. No, not all men or boys are having sex. No, not all women or girls are having sex. Yes, they both deserve love and they both ought to wait until marriage. I think you are putting your own biases into reading the post. Please read it again.

      Sincerely, Ufuoma.

      6+
  4. belle
    l love this. Kinda reminds me of an article updated on this site by a charming teenager called The sophomore. I suggest you read it . The poor teen was attacked and called naïve and all….anyways,the truth would always remain the truth and,that’s what you’ve just written!!!!!!!! Thumbs up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  5. Hephie Brown
    Sex is safe in marriage, and because God says so.Those are the only reasons i’ll hold out. The other reasons don’t quite gel with me.. They are one sided, it can be twisted to sound like only dudes can enjoy sex..Result of saying anybody that compels you to have sex outside of a loving commitment (marriage) does not really love you means a girl will give it out once she “believes” what he has for her is love..and what happens after proposal? they shag! not like i am debating what is written..It could be more comprehensive..

    and how about a post for what to do to take your mind off raging sexual hormones? We all get them, they are the reality of life..we have to learn to acknowledge them and deal with them..”dos and don’ts” don’t really help anyone to where they should be, but rather “how tos”..

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    1. Ufuomaee Post author
      Thanks for sharing your views. I intentional kept the God-factor til last, so that critics of abstinence can see that there are many other reasons why abstinence until marriage is the wisest way to go. Truly, having “God says so” as the number reason closes the discussion altogether, because why bother of thinking of any other reason, when you have already presented your closing argument?

      Also, I don’t think it is fair to say the other reasons cited are one sided. STDs and pregnancy affect boys and girls, even if the burden of pregnancy is more felt and laid on girls. Also, rushing to grow up and having sex affects both sexes the same! Also the lie that everyone does it is a problem of peer pressure that probably affects boys more than girls. I could go on an on about how the reasons I presented affect both sexes. It isn’t just girls that are pressured to have sex to prove their love…and it isn’t just boys who are made to feel that they need to have multiple partners to prove that they are good in bed.

      I really think we need to be careful of the biases we are bringing into this. It is a critical issue, and though the religious argument is solid enough for me, we need to bring more to the table for those who are not religious minded. Thanks.

      Sincerely, Ufuoma.

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    2. Ufuomaee Post author
      The suggestion about a post on how to take your mind off raging sexual hormones is good. I write by inspiration, and I’ve written a few pieces that touch on this – one is a poem called MY FLESH, MY ENEMY. I also give counsel to young singles through my series Reader Questions: http://www.ufuomaee.com/category/reader-questions.

      I haven’t written a singular piece addressing the issue, and I don’t think it is really my forte… Maybe you can do so. However, I will consider it a challenge to write something for the singles on my Reader Questions, addressing this.

      Cheers, Ufuoma.

      PS: This post was not a post of “dos and don’ts”. I’m not a fan of that either. However, it sought to explore the benefits of abstinence, waiting until marriage. I hope you and others won’t discard it as another “do not touch” piece, but rather take heed!

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  6. Pingback: Reader Questions: If everyone must wait until marriage to have sex, what about those who don’t want marriage? – Grace and Truth

  7. Pingback: Reader Questions: What’s Your Advice For Singles With Raging Sexual Hormones? – Grace and Truth

  8. Bkd
    Dear Ufuome,
    Let me begin by saying that I like you very much for a number of reasons, one of which is that we bear the same name. I also think you’re an intelligent African woman… Thank Goodness.
    Now there’s so many things wrong with this piece but I’d rather address the 7th point you raised because others have tried but to correct you on the other 6. Too bad you refuse to be objective in your arguments.
    About the 7th point you raised, which I believe I should the I say the pivotal, let me inform you that God never said anything against premarital sex. On the contrary, the Bible I read actually supports premarital sex.
    It’s very important that this wrong impression I should corrected.
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      1. Bkd
        Of course. Exodus 22:16-17; Deut 22:28-29; Deut 21:10; 2Sam 12:8.
        The Bible contains stories of bible heroes such as Abraham, Samson, David, Solomon etc who continuously engaged in premarital sex without any reprimand whatsoever from God. Hell, at one point God even offered to give David many more concubines(equals more premarital sex) if he so desired. Not so sure but I think Esther also had premarital sex.

        And no, I can’t readily think of any New Testament verses right now but what does it matter? Or are you saying that the Old Testament is not “scriptures “?

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        1. Ufuomaee Post author
          Hi Bkd,

          Your response shows that you do not understand the Scriptures, nor do you have any appreciation for Christianity. I do not even know where to begin to explain this to you, because I am quite certain you do not care to know the truth. If you did, then you would have considered the many Scriptures in the New and Old Testament speaking against sexual immorality (in particular fornication, which is sex between two people who are not married), and sought to gain an understanding of Old Testament IN LIGHT of the New.

          Wisdom tells us that the New is better than the Old…and the New fulfils the Old. And the practices of several people in the past that God permitted them to do is not what we are to do in Christianity. Because of the hardness of their hearts, God allowed them to do certain things…including divorce. But we who have been born again, and entered into a New Covenant have been renewed in our spirits and given new hearts, so that we can fulfil God’s righteous law.

          But nonetheless… My desire is not to get you to do what would require a new heart to do, which is to submit to God’s law. The carnal mind can neither understand nor submit to God’s law, unless their hearts are first transformed and their minds renewed. And that comes by the grace of God, when they have heard the truth, and God has granted them the grace to receive it and understand and obey.

          A debate with me about this will not give you the heart that is needed to appreciate the truth. Only the grace of God, and I plead it on your behalf. Let him that has been given ears to hear, hear and understand and receive grace to obey the truth. God bless you.

          Sincerely, Ufuoma.

          1+
          1. Bkd
            WOW!!!
            It’s quite funny of you to suggest that I don’t understand scriptures considering the fact that I backed my argument with SUPPORTING scriptures but you didn’t…not even one. I also wonder why you didn’t react to the Bible verses I gave. But then, maybe you’re right. Maybe I really don’t understand… Because I sincerely can’t fathom how a God described as an all powerful creator of the universe would have a “kryptonite” in iron chariots, or not be able to just simply provide inhabited land space for his people rather than commanding unimaginable genocide and manslaughter. How can a God described as being “not a man that he should lie” or “…that he should repent”, author falsehood and instigate people to lie, as well as regret his actions and change his mind every now and then, mostly on the “Better” judgements of “lesser ” mortals? A God who claims not to tempt men(which he does quite often) and described as giving/respecting free will, yet overrides men’s free will by manipulating them to sin only so he can create an excuse to punish the innocent-SADIST, anyone? A God who promotes religious extremism as opposed to “evangelism”? A God who is described, in the same scriptures as an egomaniac whose jealousy and fear of man’s prowess takes the better of him always? A supposedly loving God who tortures and punishes the innocent for the crimes of their fathers and forefathers, even for “crimes” as trivial as forgetting to circumcise the child. The list 0f Bible inconsistencies, discrepancies and contradictions is endless. I can list at least 20 more by rote, backing them with scriptures if you there want.
            Now let me, for argument’s sake indulge you by accepting that I really don’t understand the scriptures and you do… hoping that you’d be kind enough to ENLIGHTEN me by answering the following:
            *a yes/no would suffice but feel free to answer however you please as long as you keep it objective.
            1. Does the Old Testament constitute the Scriptures just as well as the New Testament?
            2. When the Bible, especially the New Testament mentions Gods laws, is it referring to the laws given through Moses to the Israelites?
            3. Are the laws concerning premarital sex, as mentioned in the Bible verses I gave you previously, included in Gods laws?
            4. Would you say that the New Testament nullifies the Old Testament for it’s “fulfillment’s” sake, thereby rendering it obsolete?
            5. Can there be sin/transgressions without the law? If yes, how so?
            6. Can you cite at least one scripture that specifically condemns premarital sex?(not sexual immorality)
            7. Does God change? Or is the Old Testament God different from the New Testament God?
            8. To the best of your knowledge and borrowing from the WISDOM you alluded to in your rebuttal, wouldn’t you say that pushing the notion that God permits some sins during certain periods of time and not during others seems not only absurdly questionable but also highlights the inconsistency of God’s character?
            9. What is A Christian to do when he/she encounters a situation requiring either of two contradictory options as provided in the Bible? E.g.: should a Christian defend himself against an asailant or leave himself at the assailant’s mercy since the Bible clearly suggests both?

            At this point, I think it’s best I react to some of your points as I go along. Let me fisrt categorically state here that the New Testament says nothing about premarital sex. Although, There exist some modern bible versions that that mistranslated the original Greek word pornei, which means sexual immorality, into the word fornication. Pornei(or sexual immorality) is a generic term for sex with a woman in her period, adultery, temple prostitution, pederasty, sodomy, bestiality, and the likes, many of which God prohibited in both old and New Testament.
            I’ll take on your points 1 at a time.

            A. “Wisdom tells us that the New is better than the Old…and the New fulfils the Old. And the practices of several people in the past that God permitted them to do is not what we are to do in Christianity.”

            I’m no expert in the English language but I’m quite certain that “fulfillment” of the Old by the New implies nothing short of a positive confirmation of the Old. It’s a perfect validation of the Old. How anyone would interpret this to mean that the New nullified the Old beats me. I don’t know which scriptures you drew this from, but Jesus stated that he did not come to abolish the law. Key word being “abolish”. What this means is that the The Old laws still stand, right?
            Could you please mention Bible passages listing the “old school” practices Christians are now forbidden to do? I know some, but I bet premarital sex isn’t included.
            Sometimes I pity Christians because the New Testament puts them in a terrible dilemma with such verses as Matt5:17-19; Luke16:17 where Jesus specifically underscored the supreme permanence of the LAW despite popular Christian doctrines annulling the supreme authority of the Law.

            B. “Because of the hardness of their hearts, God allowed them to do certain things…including divorce.”

            I dedicated over an hr scouring through the Bible to find any scriptures supporting this claim of yours but found none. I don’t want to believe you were referencing Lk16:18; Matt5:32 and/or Mk10:11-12 because all three condemned adultery and not divorce. You don’t need to be a theologian to see that Jesus was okay with Divorce but not Adultery. According to Jesus, divorce is not okay only when done on any other grounds besides chastity as opposed to the Old Testament where men could divorce their wives for the flimsiest of excuses. I state again that Jesus never had a problem with Divorce and I dare you to cite one scripture supporting your claim. All Jesus did was streamline the terms for divorce.
            Secondly, why would God even be bothered by “hardness of man’s heart” after all, man’s heart had always been hard throughout the ages. In fact, man’s heart has only grown harder over time. Since when does the hardness of heart determine what’s right or wrong?

            C. “My desire is not to get you to do what would require a new heart to do, which is to submit to God’s law.”

            Is it not the prerogative of Christians to do what’s necessary to win over “lost souls” like me? Why wouldn’t you want to get me to do what would require a new heart?
            And what exactly is this Gods law that I have to submit to? You must admit that its almost impossible for any genuine Christians to figure such out since obeying anyone of Gods laws would always certainly put you in violation of another. What’s a man to do?

            D. “The carnal mind can neither understand nor submit to God’s law, unless their hearts are first transformed and their minds renewed. And that comes by the grace of God, when they have heard the truth, and God has granted them the grace to receive it and understand and obey.”

            I’m sure by “carnal mind”, you probably mean me(or average Joe), which raises some questions:
            1. Who made my mind carnAl?
            2. Who is to blame if I’m yet/unable to receive this “grace to understand and obey”?

            Bear in mind that the Bible says that it’s entirely up to God who gets saved and who doesn’t. What this means is that No matter how noble my intentions are for seeking God’s truth and love, God could choose to intentionally keep it from me just because. So who’s at fault? Is it the genuine seeker of truth and understanding, or the one who consciously and sometimes, painstakingly, keeps them away from the seeker but reveals it to some chosen “others”? (See Matt 11:27; Mark 4:11-12; Jn6:44; Job). And there in lies another irony. These “others” still end up with as much scriptural ineptness as the guy next door. WTH?

            E. “A debate with me about this will not give you the heart that is needed to appreciate the truth. ”

            If a debate(is it?) wouldn’t do this, then I wonder what will. Have you ever won a soul(the great commission)? I ask this because I don’t see how a lost soul can be won over without a “debate”? You don’t expect these souls to just swallow anything you tell them hook, line and sinker, without questioning your belief systems when you’re are actually questioning theirs. Furthermore, , the Bible insists that debates are healthy for Christians. Even Paul was called The Great Debater. You’d also agree that the Jesus temptation in the wilderness was one hell of a debate.
            If you’re unable to critically defend the faith you proclaim, how then can you preach to the unbelievers? Contrary to popular opinion, Christians are not supposed to “just have faith”, but to know what they believe and why they believe it. They are commanded to give answers to those who ask. The Bible commended the Berean Christians who never let the teachers teach them nonsense(Anikulapo). The way I see it, debates are unavoidable for any professing Christian. Even God offered for us to “reason together” with Him. The following scriptures would help better appreciate the relevance of debates to the xtian faith. 2Cor10:4,5; Matt28:19; Acts1:8; Col4:5,6; 1Peter3:15; Titus1:9; Jude1:3,9;2Tim2:4; Rom10:14;
            Like my pastor would say,”Christians avoid debates for fear of admitting that sometimes, they wrong or just don’t have the answers”.

            I’m sorry for rambling.
            God bless you too.

            1+
  9. Bkd
    Of course. Exodus 22:16-17; Deut 22:28-29; Deut 21:10; 2Sam 12:8.
    The Bible contains stories of bible heroes such as Abraham, Samson, David, Solomon etc who continuously engaged in premarital sex without any reprimand whatsoever from God. Hell, at one point God even offered to give David many more concubines(equals more premarital sex) if he so desired. Not so sure but I think Esther also had premarital sex.

    And no, I can’t readily think of any New Testament verses right now but what does it matter? Or are you saying that the Old Testament is not “scriptures “?

    0
  10. Bkd
    WOW!!!
    It’s quite funny of you to suggest that I don’t understand scriptures considering the fact that I backed my argument with SUPPORTING scriptures but you didn’t…not even one. I also wonder why you didn’t react to the Bible verses I gave. But then, maybe you’re right. Maybe I really don’t understand… Because I sincerely can’t fathom how a God described as an all powerful creator of the universe would have a “kryptonite” in iron chariots, or not be able to just simply provide inhabited land space for his people rather than commanding unimaginable genocide and manslaughter. How can a God described as being “not a man that he should lie” or “…that he should repent”, author falsehood and instigate people to lie, as well as regret his actions and change his mind every now and then, mostly on the “Better” judgements of “lesser ” mortals? A God who claims not to tempt men(which he does quite often) and described as giving/respecting free will, yet overrides men’s free will by manipulating them to sin only so he can create an excuse to punish the innocent-SADIST, anyone? A God who promotes religious extremism as opposed to “evangelism”? A God who is described, in the same scriptures as an egomaniac whose jealousy and fear of man’s prowess takes the better of him always? A supposedly loving God who tortures and punishes the innocent for the crimes of their fathers and forefathers, even for “crimes” as trivial as forgetting to circumcise the child. The list 0f Bible inconsistencies, discrepancies and contradictions is endless. I can list at least 20 more by rote, backing them with scriptures if you there want.
    Now let me, for argument’s sake indulge you by accepting that I really don’t understand the scriptures and you do… hoping that you’d be kind enough to ENLIGHTEN me by answering the following:
    *a yes/no would suffice but feel free to answer however you please as long as you keep it objective.
    1. Does the Old Testament constitute the Scriptures just as well as the New Testament?
    2. When the Bible, especially the New Testament mentions Gods laws, is it referring to the laws given through Moses to the Israelites?
    3. Are the laws concerning premarital sex, as mentioned in the Bible verses I gave you previously, included in Gods laws?
    4. Would you say that the New Testament nullifies the Old Testament for it’s “fulfillment’s” sake, thereby rendering it obsolete?
    5. Can there be sin/transgressions without the law? If yes, how so?
    6. Can you cite at least one scripture that specifically condemns premarital sex?(not sexual immorality)
    7. Does God change? Or is the Old Testament God different from the New Testament God?
    8. To the best of your knowledge and borrowing from the WISDOM you alluded to in your rebuttal, wouldn’t you say that pushing the notion that God permits some sins during certain periods of time and not during others seems not only absurdly questionable but also highlights the inconsistency of God’s character?
    9. What is A Christian to do when he/she encounters a situation requiring either of two contradictory options as provided in the Bible? E.g.: should a Christian defend himself against an asailant or leave himself at the assailant’s mercy since the Bible clearly suggests both?

    At this point, I think it’s best I react to some of your points as I go along. Let me fisrt categorically state here that the New Testament says nothing about premarital sex. Although, There exist some modern bible versions that that mistranslated the original Greek word pornei, which means sexual immorality, into the word fornication. Pornei(or sexual immorality) is a generic term for sex with a woman in her period, adultery, temple prostitution, pederasty, sodomy, bestiality, and the likes, many of which God prohibited in both old and New Testament.
    I’ll take on your points 1 at a time.

    A. “Wisdom tells us that the New is better than the Old…and the New fulfils the Old. And the practices of several people in the past that God permitted them to do is not what we are to do in Christianity.”

    I’m no expert in the English language but I’m quite certain that “fulfillment” of the Old by the New implies nothing short of a positive confirmation of the Old. It’s a perfect validation of the Old. How anyone would interpret this to mean that the New nullified the Old beats me. I don’t know which scriptures you drew this from, but Jesus stated that he did not come to abolish the law. Key word being “abolish”. What this means is that the The Old laws still stand, right?
    Could you please mention Bible passages listing the “old school” practices Christians are now forbidden to do? I know some, but I bet premarital sex isn’t included.
    Sometimes I pity Christians because the New Testament puts them in a terrible dilemma with such verses as Matt5:17-19; Luke16:17 where Jesus specifically underscored the supreme permanence of the LAW despite popular Christian doctrines annulling the supreme authority of the Law.

    B. “Because of the hardness of their hearts, God allowed them to do certain things…including divorce.”

    I dedicated over an hr scouring through the Bible to find any scriptures supporting this claim of yours but found none. I don’t want to believe you were referencing Lk16:18; Matt5:32 and/or Mk10:11-12 because all three condemned adultery and not divorce. You don’t need to be a theologian to see that Jesus was okay with Divorce but not Adultery. According to Jesus, divorce is not okay only when done on any other grounds besides chastity as opposed to the Old Testament where men could divorce their wives for the flimsiest of excuses. I state again that Jesus never had a problem with Divorce and I dare you to cite one scripture supporting your claim. All Jesus did was streamline the terms for divorce.
    Secondly, why would God even be bothered by “hardness of man’s heart” after all, man’s heart had always been hard throughout the ages. In fact, man’s heart has only grown harder over time. Since when does the hardness of heart determine what’s right or wrong?

    C. “My desire is not to get you to do what would require a new heart to do, which is to submit to God’s law.”

    Is it not the prerogative of Christians to do what’s necessary to win over “lost souls” like me? Why wouldn’t you want to get me to do what would require a new heart?
    And what exactly is this Gods law that I have to submit to? You must admit that its almost impossible for any genuine Christians to figure such out since obeying anyone of Gods laws would always certainly put you in violation of another. What’s a man to do?

    D. “The carnal mind can neither understand nor submit to God’s law, unless their hearts are first transformed and their minds renewed. And that comes by the grace of God, when they have heard the truth, and God has granted them the grace to receive it and understand and obey.”

    I’m sure by “carnal mind”, you probably mean me(or average Joe), which raises some questions:
    1. Who made my mind carnAl?
    2. Who is to blame if I’m yet/unable to receive this “grace to understand and obey”?

    Bear in mind that the Bible says that it’s entirely up to God who gets saved and who doesn’t. What this means is that No matter how noble my intentions are for seeking God’s truth and love, God could choose to intentionally keep it from me just because. So who’s at fault? Is it the genuine seeker of truth and understanding, or the one who consciously and sometimes, painstakingly, keeps them away from the seeker but reveals it to some chosen “others”? (See Matt 11:27; Mark 4:11-12; Jn6:44; Job). And there in lies another irony. These “others” still end up with as much scriptural ineptness as the guy next door. WTH?

    E. “A debate with me about this will not give you the heart that is needed to appreciate the truth. ”

    If a debate(is it?) wouldn’t do this, then I wonder what will. Have you ever won a soul(the great commission)? I ask this because I don’t see how a lost soul can be won over without a “debate”? You don’t expect these souls to just swallow anything you tell them hook, line and sinker, without questioning your belief systems when you’re are actually questioning theirs. Furthermore, , the Bible insists that debates are healthy for Christians. Even Paul was called The Great Debater. You’d also agree that the Jesus temptation in the wilderness was one hell of a debate.
    If you’re unable to critically defend the faith you proclaim, how then can you preach to the unbelievers? Contrary to popular opinion, Christians are not supposed to “just have faith”, but to know what they believe and why they believe it. They are commanded to give answers to those who ask. The Bible commended the Berean Christians who never let the teachers teach them nonsense(Anikulapo). The way I see it, debates are unavoidable for any professing Christian. Even God offered for us to “reason together” with Him. The following scriptures would help better appreciate the relevance of debates to the xtian faith. 2Cor10:4,5; Matt28:19; Acts1:8; Col4:5,6; 1Peter3:15; Titus1:9; Jude1:3,9;2Tim2:4; Rom10:14;
    Like my pastor would say,”Christians avoid debates for fear of admitting that sometimes, they wrong or just don’t have the answers”.

    I’m sorry for rambling.
    God bless you too.

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    1. Ufuomaee Post author
      Hi Bkd,

      I fully intended not to reply you at all, in keeping with my Lord’s command not to throw His pearls of wisdom before swine (Matthew 7:6). You have shown that that is what you are. As one who neither believes in God nor in blessings, how can you utter with the filthy mouth you used to speak evil against my God, “God bless you”?

      It just so happened that my daily reading today was of the Book of Jude, and I find that such timely messages are never by coincidence. The word speaks of your kind, I will share it with you as my sufficient response to all you have said. The Lord rebuke you indeed.

      Sincerely, Ufuoma.

      Jude, the servant of Jesus Christ, and brother of James, to them that are sanctified by God the Father, and preserved in Jesus Christ, and called: Mercy unto you, and peace, and love, be multiplied.

      Beloved, when I gave all diligence to write unto you of the common salvation, it was needful for me to write unto you, and exhort you that ye should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints. For there are certain men crept in unawares, who were before of old ordained to this condemnation, ungodly men, turning the grace of our God into lasciviousness, and denying the only Lord God, and our Lord Jesus Christ.

      I will therefore put you in remembrance, though ye once knew this, how that the Lord, having saved the people out of the land of Egypt, afterward destroyed them that believed not.

      And the angels which kept not their first estate, but left their own habitation, he hath reserved in everlasting chains under darkness unto the judgment of the great day. Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.

      Likewise also these filthy dreamers defile the flesh, despise dominion, and speak evil of dignities. Yet Michael the archangel, when contending with the devil he disputed about the body of Moses, durst not bring against him a railing accusation, but said, The Lord rebuke thee. But these speak evil of those things which they know not: but what they know naturally, as brute beasts, in those things they corrupt themselves.

      Woe unto them! for they have gone in the way of Cain, and ran greedily after the error of Balaam for reward, and perished in the gainsaying of Core. These are spots in your feasts of charity, when they feast with you, feeding themselves without fear: clouds they are without water, carried about of winds; trees whose fruit withereth, without fruit, twice dead, plucked up by the roots; Raging waves of the sea, foaming out their own shame; wandering stars, to whom is reserved the blackness of darkness for ever.

      And Enoch also, the seventh from Adam, prophesied of these, saying, Behold, the Lord cometh with ten thousands of his saints, To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are ungodly among them of all their ungodly deeds which they have ungodly committed, and of all their hard speeches which ungodly sinners have spoken against him. These are murmurers, complainers, walking after their own lusts; and their mouth speaketh great swelling words, having men’s persons in admiration because of advantage.

      But, beloved, remember ye the words which were spoken before of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ; How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts. These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the Spirit.

      But ye, beloved, building up yourselves on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Ghost, Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. And of some have compassion, making a difference: And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.

      Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.

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      1. S-Star
        Ah Han! Auntie Ufuoma, U took it too far. U didn’t hv 2 insult him. U should hv just made ur point by correcting him wif scriptures. This kind of attitude that gives s Christian in bad name. I know how scary it is to talk scripture with an Aetheist who kno hw 2 quote it. Even devil can quote too. I found myself in a similar situation during evangelism. I will tell U d story another day. Very interesting. But all I know is that even with the evil and scripture to back it up, I still know my God and he is not evil to me because I have a personal relationship of pure love with him. No atheist can chake my faith. 
        As for U .
        R U a xtian or atheist. I was shocked when U say  U hav a pastor. U sound too atheist to be a xtian. My advice for U is to seek a relationship with God and all the truth U seek will be revealed. Bible said seek1st kingdom of God and everything else will be added. It worked for me, it can work for you. Just ask God to enter your heart. And please be careful the way you talk about God so that you don’t blasphemous and put curse on yourself. Confess your sins and ask for forgiveness.  ‎
        God bless. ‎
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        1. Ufuomaee Post author
          Hi S-Star,

          I appreciate your perspective, but I disagree that I took it too far or that I insulted him. If anyone was spitting insults, it was him. For me to say that the has revealed himself to be a swine for all the filth he was spewing against a God he doesn’t know, was only making a righteous judgement. If he doesn’t qualify to be categorised among the swine, who does?

          Did Jesus simply mean that expression for the devil? He told us this so that we will be able to discern those who are listening, and those who are just looking for a way to not only tear us asunder, but also trample the truth underfoot, and cause others to fall. Indulging him in a scripture war will not produce any good fruit. He deserves silence, and maybe God will have mercy on him and answer him.

          And for the record, we are not sent to contend with unbelievers about the existence of God! Paul did no such thing. Paul was clear that God has left man without excuse as to His existence (Romans 1:19-20).

          Paul contended with the Jews and he contended with the Greeks who practiced religion in error, to show them the true God and the way of salvation He had prepared in Jesus Christ. And I do not believe that Paul who said, after the first and second admonition, reject the divisive person as a heretic (Titus 3:10), would have carried on a needless debate with someone over the existence of God, who had a mouth to defile his God.

          Sincerely, Ufuoma.

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      2. Joygirl
        Insults is not what we want to hear…. Your scriptures backing to ur claim is what we need bkd has made valid point even though I don’t or didn’t want to admit that cause it’s just gonna ruin my whole life beliefs….but he has made a valid point. Ufuomaee I need you to give valid point and scripture backing cause some of my beliefs are hanging on a thin line.thks
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        1. Ufuomaee Post author
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      3. God expressed.
        Bkd was really clear about his points. I’m really disappointed in the response as I was looking forward to it. How does calling someone a swine and copying and pasting scripture help? I don’t remember Jesus doing any of that. He calls us and gently teaches us the truth, inviting us to see beyond our unbelief which I’m guessing has a lot to do with the doubts and questions we all have. I did not see any blasphemy against God to warrant any insults but valid questions coming from a person who most likely has a deep personal story.
        Ufuoma, this is not teaching, and it most definitely isn’t rooted in Love.

        Bkd, I understand you, I truly do. I hope you have gotten closer in your journey with Christ. I know you are on it because you are questioning, you are truly searching. And he that searches will find. Very soon (if you haven’t already), you’ll find the identity and unconditional love that encompasses and fills you up with joy and happiness.

        If you have already, keep growing, keep shining and stay blessed. :)

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        1. Ufuomaee Post author
          Hi God Expressed,

          You are welcome to answer BKD’s questions yourself, if you think they were so well expressed, and without any blasphamy, as you say. I would be interested to read your response.

          Sincerely, Ufuoma.

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          1. God expressed.
            No need. As my responses would probably get me named something worse than swine as you’re not willing to be objective as previously noticed.

            If Bkd is interested in honest conversation though, we can talk privately.

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  11. MetaplasiaMD
    Hello! Admin. Toolsman? Seryxme?
    I haven’t been able to access my account.
    Username: MetaplasiaMD
    Email: [email protected]
    I was a frequent commenter with those details. Until the website was revamped.
    I tried signing up official with these same details I’d been commenting with I.e. the aforementioned. It keep saying: username and email already in use. So I tried login in, it said incorrect password. I tried reseting password. And a link was sent to my mail. I put in a new password and then I tried to login in again it said incorrect password.
    I’ve repeated this password reset cycle twice now, still no change. Whsat do I do at this point? Btw I receive emails from TNC.
    Thanks.
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  12. Pingback: Reader Questions: What’s Your Advice For Singles With Raging Sexual Hormones? – Ufuomaee's Oasis

  13. God expressed.
    There are many loopholes in this logic/post. I don’t mind that. What I don’t understand is the the lack of clarity, of the audience you’re speaking to and the context too, and also, as usual, the attitude we put out that seeks not to understand the gaps, but to assume that we have it all covered.
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