Why Is Sex With The Ex Always Tempting?

Some time ago, I ran into my Ex, Chinelo and her bestie, Nkeoma at the movies. I had gone to watch Total Recall, the new blockbuster starring the multi-talented Colin Farrell but I was told it was yet to hit the cinema so I had to settle for ‘Think like a Man’ for the umpteenth…


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Some time ago, I ran into my Ex, Chinelo and her bestie, Nkeoma at the movies. I had gone to watch Total Recall, the new blockbuster starring the multi-talented Colin Farrell but I was told it was yet to hit the cinema so I had to settle for ‘Think like a Man’ for the umpteenth time. I never get tired of seeing that movie though.

Chinelo and I broke up almost two years ago because the fights kept getting worse. When a woman is fed up in a relationship, you know. She starts bringing up old dirt and gets agitated at the slightest provocation so I took the hint and ended the relationship amicably for both parties to be happy. Although we claimed we were still friends, we lost contact and hadn’t seen or talked to each other for 18 months.

She looked like a bag of money: sassy, beautiful and enchanting. Chinelo has always been a nymphet; she is worth more than a second look. At a glance, I was bewildered by her pliant lips and curvaceous body. It brought to mind all the good times we had – the mind-blowing sex, the incredible adventures and the crazy games we played.

We saw the movie together – though we talked throughout the length of the movie. At the end of the day, we exchanged numbers and other relevant information and set up a date in the near future – that’s where all the temptation started!

We hooked up again last Friday, had a drink or two and went back to my place for some sexual eruptions. We couldn’t resist each other; to make it worse, the sex was better than before; it was as if we were never apart. After the first round, my iTunes randomly selected Lil Bit’s joint with Yung Joc and Jim Jones “Sex with my Ex” from my music library. A line in the song goes: “…can’t believe I’m having sex with my ex” and post coital tristesse set in. We vowed never to do such again but after some minutes, we were at it again.

We wanted each other so bad but there was an obstacle – we had new relationships. In order to save our present relationships, we had to stay away from each other.

Often times, I hear people blabbering about their exes and it makes me laugh all the time. It’s a very common scene on Twitter; people diss their exes every 10 minutes or so. Some of these people may have gone back to their ex for sex, care or help at least once in the past but here they are, raking over coals and cursing them on Twitter. Anyways, Nigerians are known for their hypocritical ways.

I keep asking myself why we repeatedly feel affection when we see our exes. I don’t get it; if we still feel something for each other, why then did we break up in the first place? For me (and several others), it seems like it takes courage, self control and GOD to resist the sexual advances of an ex.

There’s an old proverb that says: “Insanity is doing the same thing in the same way & expecting a different outcome.” Some often get bemused after these run-ins with their exes and find themselves craving reconciliation. The fact remains just because you had awesome sex with him/her doesn’t mean when you leave your present partner, that things will be as cosy as you want/expect/dream. Returning to an old flame is like reading a book over and over again expecting a different twist in the end.

At least, that’s what I think. Do you guys agree? Have you had any reason to return to an ex? If so, was it temporary or did it last the second or third time around? If you’ve managed to avoid such reunions, how do you manage the temptation? Let’s talk it in the comment section.


  1. Empress Cyn
    I can’t get over the fact that you’re sinning… I’m not a fan of premarital sex… god says it isn’t right and u shouldn’t be allowed to… and to write about it too??
    oh goodness!!!!
    1. Ramat
      You saw the title. Clicked. Read the entire piece and THEN it dawned on you that he was writing about sex? What did you think you would find when you clicked it? How to lead your ex to Jesus?
    2. Bkd
      I understand that you’re not a fan of premarital sex. But I assure you, your god certainly doesn’t mind at all. You really should get your scriptures straight if you’re talking about the Christian god, that is.
  2. Ramat
    Usually, when I done with someone, I am done. But I got tempted with this ex (probably because we didn’t get physical when we were together) and long story short, we should NEVER have tried to.
  3. Olushola
    This is why I decided to stop the chain and stopped getting into fresh relationships. I don’t know how not to remain attached, all my exes tempt me. As a matter of fact, I’m back and very serious with a ‘used-to-be’ ex, and I’m sure I’m marrying her.
  4. Osasu Elaiho
    Usually our bodies and brains never forget no matter how hard we try. Take this from someone who only last night was up until midnight chatting with an ex of mine that I broke up with close to two years ago.

    There’s something about trying to see if things will be different this time around and usually after time has passed, we see only the good things that one had and usually forget the reason why one broke up in the first place.

    At the end of the day, it does take the grace of God and extreme self discipline to stay away from an ex especially if physical intimacy was above average.

    1. Reeree
      You are so right!!! But I have learnt in this exes matter that things only look better from afar, people never really change.
  5. Errrmmm
    I had a goal this year to have only 12 new partners this year. We are in month 6, and I cannot seem to go past month 4. Still friends with them all, and we still have sex regularly, like super regularly to the point that I have no time to see anyone new. And this is not talking about the others from the previous years. Sigh…distance makes the heart fonder.
  6. Toby
    First thing that got me, was that first comment and the reply it got, well actually no, the first thing that got me was the fact that i had to go google the definition of the word Nymphet (New word learnt yes!!)
    But seriously though, sex with the ex is my go to thing. Cuz its easier having sex with them, like sliding into a well worn glove (wink wink).
    For me that is, cuz the sex is always fire with all my exes, that was certainly not the reason why we aren’t together no more.
    It has more to do with the fact that I am crazy af, but thats why the sex is fire though!!

    Anyhoo, fantastic piece dude!!

  7. Chiggy
    Interesting topic I must say… Well for me I have had only 2 real ex’s in my lifetime before I got married..(yeah.. I used the word real cos others were just side attractions.. ????) Anyways, I really think I loved one so much.. That was my first time I thought i was in love. Cos we were cute together, tho he liked like a player & gosh was he fineee but I still left him..(long story but he didn’t cheat) moving on.. while dating ‘new guy’ I bump into my ex at a restaurant with my new guy. I went to say hi & He just kept staring at me & wanted to have my number.. I was feeling so good, that he was tripping, then I made sure I introduced him to my new guy.. (evil wink). I so didn’t feel anything honestly when I saw him. For me when something is over, no matter how good it was..it was over for a fucking good reason. I never go back (except he becomes president..????) forget about the sex. To me if u go back to an ex, u would simply look cheap or desperate or like I was the best u ever had.. #Based on statistics you’re not Irreplaceable!
    1. Arturo Zinga Post author
      Nobody is irreplaceable to be fair however humans are often happy to see that their ex miss them in their lives hence it is one of the reasons why people try to get back with their exes
  8. vanilla
    Its tempting because its familiar territory …likely to happen if u meet them and you are still single than if you are hooked to someone new. Also, if the break up was mutual or without malice then sometimes konji can win .

    However, if it was a messy breakup, the sight of the person is likely going to make u dry up. It just gets to a point when you know someone that was a dick will remain one and not even the awesomeness of the sex will make you think of a re-fuck! Okafor’s law dies here!

    P.S Its always funny seeing an ex come on to you thinking they still have that hold over you, esp if they fall into point 2 above…i laugh, then play along till you tire!!!

  9. Mrs B
    “Ole fire tick easy fi ketch”

    Translation: Old fire stick is easily ignited

    Meaning: Old love is easily rekindled

    Or just old sex. I hope that answers your question Post Author…

  10. Jade
    For me it’s just the sex, it’s easier to have sex with someone old than someone new. it is always just sex with exes for me
  11. Nana
    Sex with ex is a never for me. Not judging but the way to prevent it is to always go higher. Never had current sex that’s not better than a former back blower. I’m lucky like that. Once you’re good, I get disgusted by the thoughts of any former not that they were bad people but with mind-blowing sex, what’s an ex?

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