Hey people, good morning and welcome once again to the Rush. Who elses Saturday evening/ Sunday morning felt incomplete without the usual Rounds update? I was so sad I had to resort to Thisday and Punch instead… Such a snoozefest. Anyways, I hope everyone had an enjoyable and restful weekend and y’all are ready to blast this new week all the way into the weekend again. I’m kidding, you should enjoy every single day that the Lord made.
On to today’s post. So it’s summer time (well, I know it’s been raining like crazy in Lagos but rainy weather is weather for two so it also counts) and everyone knows what that means… Summer P! For those who somehow don’t understand what I mean by ‘Summer P’, your Summer P is that guy or girl that you have a little usually meaningless fling with over the, yes you guessed it, summer period. Summer is especially notorious for this because the sun’s out, (except for in Lagos -___-) school is out, people are taking leave from work to travel and there’s just a general sense of excitement in the air. All you need is someone to share that excitement with on a day-to-day basis and you’re ready. However, for the people in relationships, statistically summer is the period where you’re most likely to end the relationship or at least hear your partner say these four dreaded words “I need a break”. Yes I just made up a statistic based on nothing remotely factual, but think about it, who wants to break up when it’s cold outside?
So are breaks ever a good idea? Do they strengthen the bonds of the relationship or do they just allow for misbehaviour? Let’s see if we can get to the bottom of this today, I have two scenarios for us… The first one is personal and anyone that laughs at me will be banned from the site. #nosmileshere. I had been dating this guy for a few months when one day he called my phone to ‘confess’ that he had been unfaithful in the relationship… He begged for forgiveness, said it was a mistake, he doesn’t have feelings for the girl and infact, they didn’t even kiss once. Like that’s meant to help things. Anyways, as soon as I heard, I did what many young and in love girls would do… I asked for a break. I already knew I didn’t want to break up with him and I would forgive him, such was the depth of my mumu-ism for this guy but I wasn’t ready to seem like a fool.
So I took casual leave from the relationship for two weeks for us to “think things through” and then came back to tell him all was forgiven only to find out my n*gga had moved on and didn’t want the relationship anymore. Things got so bad that at some point I ended up being the one begging for the relationship, I had unwittingly allowed him space and time to get over me and continue his dodgy dealings with other girls with no restraint. His biggest excuse was, we weren’t together. Words can’t even explain how foolish I felt but let’s not get into that. The point is, instead of him to spend the time thinking of how he could win my heart and my trust back, he lost focus and got carried away. Me asking for a break initiated what became a slow and painful break up over a period of about a month.
In the second situation, a couple that had been dating for the better part of two years found themselves drifting apart from each other because they had reached that stage in the relationship where things were more or less a routine. After having some long discussions and deciding they were in love (yes Toolsman, love is a decision, but let’s not get into that right now) and didn’t want to end things so drastically, they decided to go on a break to see if they could live without each other. It turns out, the girl could live without her boyfriend and she eventually got carried away in their down time and started seeing another guy. Her biggest excuse was that her and her guy weren’t talking and she was getting attention from this other guy. Oh and don’t forget, according to her logic she never cheated because technically they were not together even though it was clearly a break not a break-up. Obviously the relationship ended after that.
I know you thought the second scenario would be one where the couple goes on a break and things end happily ever after but those are two very real events and of all the people I asked only one person had ever had a successful break period. Successful breaks are definitely the exception and not the rule. Most times in relationships once one or both parties are given the chance to look outside at that grass that remains permanently greener, something is going to change and in my opinion it’s usually not for the better. I personally feel that a better way to get over issues in a relationship is through increased not reduced communication. For instance, in the second scenario if the girl was more focused on finding ways to make her relationship more exciting, she would have had less time to focus on other people. Even in the first scenario, if my ex had just seen it as a situation where his girlfriend is angry with him, he might have tried harder to mitigate the issues rather than leave me to “sort out my feelings” on my own. But obviously these are nothing more than my assumptions.
I’d like to read some of your thoughts and assumptions on this whole “taking a break” issue. Have you ever been in a situation where going on a break was NOT a prelude to a full break-up? When your partner tells you they want a break, do you see it as a means to grow stronger together or do you over think things and decide they must be trying to end the relationship? Sharing is caring people and everyone needs that extra dose of TLC on a Monday morning so use the comments section generously.
P.S. If you laughed at me, expect your ban in an email soon. Have a great day everyone and see you on the flipside.
Queen of The Rush signing out!