Tales of A Naked Hausa Boy – Telling The Parents

Opinion

When Munir Bello decided to write his book, The Break Up Recipe, he got naked for the marketing material. This, in his own words, is the story of  how he told his parents about the idea. **** So… I had made a decision that I was going to write a book. The contents would be…

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When Munir Bello decided to write his book, The Break Up Recipe, he got naked for the marketing material.

This, in his own words, is the story of  how he told his parents about the idea.

****

So… I had made a decision that I was going to write a book. The contents would be very explicit and it would touch on all sorts of subjects from masturbation to loss of virginity. The second decision that I hade made was that I would pose provocatively for the marketing material. I would get my naked body out and only conceal my private parts with a tablet, glancing at my privates you would see the book cover. This was all well and good except for a few problems. I was born into a hausa-fulani family and my parents might take a bit of convincing. Secondly, I worked as a banker in a reputable bank and was considering giving up my job to focus on writing.

For the purpose of preserving their identity my parents will only be referred to as Mum and Dad. I visited their house while coming home from work one day to tell them that I was writing a book. With surgical precision, they saw right through me and asked, “Are you planning on giving up your job?” I answered in the negative in order to prevent them going crazy at me. I immediately knew that I was in for quite a struggle and so resisted (or neglected, whichever you prefer) the urge to tell them about the naked picture. No, this was going to have to wait.

I wrote the book and did the naked cover shoot. I then made a decision to go ahead and publish the book and release the marketing material to the public before consulting my traditional, upstanding parents. On the first day of release the naked photo went viral and I knew that there was no chance of it being kept under wraps. I prepared to go over to my parents house to inform them about my new venture. I prepared a speech that I was going to unleash on my parents to show them that I was an independent man who was trying to make a living by doing something good. I was convinced at the end of my speech they would see me in a different light and applaud my new found maturity and self confidence.

The walk to their place felt like I was walking the green mile. My stomach churned with trepidation and I was convinced that once I reached their place, that my head would be shaved, a sponge would be placed atop it and the sofa I was sitting on would be plugged into the mains while thousands of volts of electricity was passed through my body, what happened was worse!!!

“Wanan Yaron!” (This Boy!), my mum called out after I showed her the first chapter of my book. When looking at the book with her it felt like there was a swear word in every line and all the references to sex seemed to be screaming out. I couldn’t stop cringing. My father’s reaction was even more biblical and epic. “Zan ci buran uban ka” (I’m going to kick your arse), this made me laugh on the inside because that sentence translated literally means, I’m going to eat your fathers testicles. The irony of the situation was not lost on me. The onslaught continued, “Zaman nan yasa ka lalace” (Staying here has spoilt you). In my head I kept trying to think of the perfect moment to cut in with my youth empowerment speech but the verbal firing squad was not going down without a fight.

They paused for breath and I sensed that this was the perfect moment to hit them with my pre prepared speech. There was only one problem. I’d completely forgotten what I was going to say. To top it off, facing their full throated verbal cannonball had thrown me off balance and so I launched into my speech of defiance, “I have come too far too close”….. nope that wasn’t it, I’d try again. “I’ve done too little too much” and on and on it went until I decided to give it a rest and regroup. After I silently ate rice and stew from my mothers kitchen I sheepishly made my excuses to go home.

Miraculously after a few days, they calmed down. In actual fact they knew that the image had gone out and they were resigned to the fact they could now do nothing about the release of the book or the naked image, seeing as it had reached such a large audience. I think they found the book quite funny although I wouldn’t dare ask them. For now all is ok and I’m still standing (just).

munir

To buy Munir’s book or sample the first chapter have a look HERE on Amazon

You can also keep up with him through social media on Facebook or Twitter:

www.facebook.com/thebreakuprecipe

@Munirbello1983

Responses

  1. King A-Maz
    Lol! Kai dan iska ne kam. Obviously your parents live far from the north – or so it seems. I'm about to get your book. Seems fun
  2. topazo
    Following one's dreams can be hard and the people that matters to us could be the very obstacle to achieving that dream…I'm glad you succeeded.
    Will check out the book
  3. JSBunny
    Grew up in the north, Bauchi to be precise. Can't imagine a Hausa man writing this, with a provocative cover. Now I'm interested, big time! Kudos to you
  4. kemz
    yum yum!!!!!!!! all i see is d cover. u av a superb body! lol can i v ur number?? lol
    am excited abt the book already.gonna get mine
    1. @munirbello1983
      Miss E, you're very observant lol, I'm glad you all like the cover, the book is worth a peak too, thank you very much for the support and wonderful comments, you're giving me such a big head 😉

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