Yup, it’s another post for the ladies. Sorry guys! I’ll get to you in a minute. I promise. So, dearest ladies, let’s talk about periods. Yes, that wonderful visitor that announces its unwanted arrival every month with cramps and spotting. The necessary evil that comes with having two x chromosomes. That shit we curse Eve…
Yup, it’s another post for the ladies. Sorry guys! I’ll get to you in a minute. I promise.
So, dearest ladies, let’s talk about periods. Yes, that wonderful visitor that announces its unwanted arrival every month with cramps and spotting. The necessary evil that comes with having two x chromosomes. That shit we curse Eve for. At least I do. I can blame Eve for the monthly torture that is menstruation, right? I’m just going to go with that. Bible scholars, argue amongst yourselves.
Periods are nature’s way of punishing us for not being pregnant, which is frankly quite unfair. I’ve done a good job of not prematurely introducing the world to mini-mes and what do I get? Stabbing pains, iron deficiencies and dizziness. A woman’s life is not easy sha.
And can we talk about the mood swings? This is something that came to me much later in my period journey. Indeed, it has been a long, winding, painful road. We started at Heavy Flow Avenue, turned off into Leg Cramps Lane and are now cruising steadily along Sudden Tears Street.
The first time I noticed it, I was deeply sad for absolutely no reason. I promise you, no one died or stole my meat. I just suddenly felt uniquely crappy about my life and everything in it. Literally by the end of that day, voila. Blood. Coincidence? Nah, bruh. Same thing happened the next month. And the month after that. Then I realised that this thing called PMS was far more than a plot device in shoddy rom-coms. It was living in my brain and in my uterus.
The crazy thing is that I started my period quite late so I was pretty anxious to join the “Big Girls’ Club”. Now that the thing has landed, I’m looking for how to return to sender, yo. Can we just pause this thing until we’re ready to do the whole baby making thing? Future baby daddy, agatchu. I won’t jeopardise anything. Just taking a long hiatus from monthly agony, ice cream binging and random sadness.
At this point, I have to state how annoying it is that all women’s emotional reactions are put down to period wahala. Not only is it insulting, the maths is wrong. This thing happens only once a month, dude. If I’m mad, it’s more likely because you screwed up, not because my ovaries conspired against you.
With that being said, sometimes I wonder if others can tell when we’re on our period – especially guys. Being on my period makes me very self-conscious. I have years of horrific public staining incidents in secondary school to thank for that. It just changes my whole demeanour and I wonder if it’s as obvious to others as it is to me.
Okay, that’s my anti-menstruation rant over. Anyone currently basking in that wonderful time of the month? Any horror stories out there? We all know how periods can embarrass somebody! And as for the guys out there, I’m really curious about how much you know about these things. Can you tell when someone is on their cycle?
And have you learned to stay out of their way? Anyway, you know the drill. Express you, and all that good stuff.