They looked at me like I murdered a son, a husband, a Father, a brother, a nephew, an uncle, a professor, a clergy man…like I murdered an asset to my country. They stared and it pointed accusing fingers at me. Just ready to “wound” me. Wound me just enough to bring him back or maybe not. They wanted to wound me because they judged me. They wanted to wound me because man constantly removes the specs in his brother’s eyes instead of first removing the gigantic beam in his. They couldn’t wait for the judge to pronounce me guilty. They all wanted the death penalty as my finally verdict. I looked at their eyes filled with pain or so I could interpret. That’s what I saw beneath their wondering eyes. I can never blame them. I was equally fooled. I was lavishly carried away. I was floating like Titanic before the iceberg. Oh! When the iceberg hit me. I sunk deep. Deep into the ocean of regret.
It was one careless November, while I eagerly waited for the school calendar. I was idle, if only I never took “an idle man is the devil’s workshop” lightly. I should have saved my heart from being pieced with so many sorrows. I sent him a Whatsapp message. He didn’t reply I sent him another the next day, same response. I’m not one known to back off easily, so I pesevered in sending him messages and pictures with captions that will arouse his curiosity. He was stubborn, extremely I must say. That further drew my being to him. And unlike the cat who curiosity kills and satisfaction brings back. We are of a genre called Man. Satisfaction never brings us back. We are devoid of satisfaction. We can only get enough of our greed once we have been thoroughly consumed. He finally replied my messages. Aaaaaaaaaaah! Even a blind man could feel the heat emanating from my spread out cheeks. I smiled like a trillion bucks. I was filled with ecstasy. He still acted cold for a while but in less than 3weeks, he already felt like my soul mate. I nodded to myself, smiled and said “woman thou art great” We bonded like ties. We just couldn’t get enough of each other. He finally put up an invitation to me “please come visit me” that tiny little monster in my head whispered “what took you so long” Getting permission from my mom wasn’t going to pose a threat as it was already time for resumption. I run my life in school, I set the rules.
I left for his house on a Sunday. As the saying goes love is that 7th sense that renders the others useless. When you are in love you never! You never dare to ask important questions. He gave me directives on how to get to his mansion. He treated me like gold. I couldn’t help but helplessly fall in love with him. I practically forgot I was sent to school,believe me without the slightest grain of exaggeration in that sentence. Everything about your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost, disappeared from my memory. Abstain from all appearance of evil went extinct. Flee from all appearance of evil felt so So wrong. At that point marriage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled was simultaneously replaced with soft kisses and massages. I got to the peak of it where all I wanted was real fantasies. I felt I loved him enough to get laid. The worse misconception of all was when I reasoned to myself that God would understand. Apparently he was skilled at walking his hands through me. In gentle motions that made all your fears disappear. He was a sexual artist. The supple massage to the juicy flesh strategically positioned on my chest. The skilled use of his tongue in my private pinky. Then the final steady in and out motions that made me moan. My happy moment of wondrous enJOYment. We reminded in this world of ours for what seemed like eternity. In the real world I had shut almost everyone for 5months.
Then one golden morning he violently said I needed to leave. Of course the fighter that I was threw back “why” he bluntly said His wife and 5kids are coming over. If you say that moment I became possessed with evil at that second you might as well have won an award for the all knowing chap. I smiled and said “okay…you should have told me earlier” That day I went to the hostel where I legitimately belonged. We chatted all the way till his family left. Then then…. I played the new me. First I drugged him to weaken him a little. Then I tied him to an armless chair. I meticulously caved holes in his body to put in my fire sticks. I lit them and remembered Christmas. How we played with fire sticks as children. How I was so unharmed. I was indeed happy. As I watched those sticks spark. I realized how in love I was not to think that he was probably married, or that I was being used or that he plainly just took advantage of naive me. He can’t deny he didn’t know his HIV status, can he? As I watched the sticks spark it dawned on me that love was never something I should have associated with him. I felt regret settle densely on me like rain clouds. I rained it all out from my eyes. My heart was crushed. In this state of grief I stabbed him till there was no flesh left for my dagger. I didn’t feel peace I only felt fear…fear your honour. Fear that that they are so many of my kind out there. Your honour my younger sister could be next. Or your pretty daughter. Who is next petrifies me your honour.
I looked into their eyes and now I saw the mixed feelings of pity, regret, fear and revenge wondering like lost souls in purgatory. I watched and listened to My Lord pass his judgement….the accuse has been…