The Death Of Love?


Score: Kindest Regards|| Witt Lowry For a romantic like me, the last decade has been full of heartbreaks. Too many couples I thought were so cute and made me want to find that special someone have ended up not staying together. Andrew Garfield & Emma Stone. Gwen Stefani & Gavin Rossdale. Miranda Lambert & Blake…


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Score: Kindest Regards|| Witt Lowry

For a romantic like me, the last decade has been full of heartbreaks. Too many couples I thought were so cute and made me want to find that special someone have ended up not staying together.

Andrew Garfield & Emma Stone.

Gwen Stefani & Gavin Rossdale.

Miranda Lambert & Blake Shelton.

Justin Timberlake & Britney Spears.

Jason Derulo & Jordin Sparks.

Heidi Klum & Seal.

Wiz Khalifa & Amber Rose.

The list goes on and now Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie-Pitt?

I wasn’t that active on social media when Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams where an item. Those two gave me an understanding of what love should be by their roles in The Notebook so it seemed perfect that they fell in love on set and continued the relationship so for a second, I refused to believe when I heard the news that they had broken up BUT the reaction Mr. & Mrs. Smith have caused is unbelievable (hell, it’s inspired two posts on TNC in as many days).

Since the Brexit announcement, I’ve seen too many “love is dead” and “does love exist anymore?” tweets and all through the day that was pretty much the theme and brother Taiwo and his masters paying ex-fiancé eviscerated any hope that it might fade away anytime soon and its increasingly looking like ‘love’ might be a fable told by our ancestors to give us something to believe in.

It’s not.

Love exists. How do I know? I have seen it.

I created the playlist for a friend who was celebrating her first anniversary with her boyfriend. Might not seem like a big deal to anyone but it was  because this is a girl who’d never been in a relationship for up to 6 months, not because of anything but because she just didn’t believe in love & relationships but baby girl can’t shut up about her boo. “have you eaten?” may be a Nigerian way of showing affection but I remember how stunned one of my close friends was when she answered ‘no’ to her boyfriend and less than an hour later, he showed up at her doorstep with food he’d just made (he stayed in Maryland, she stayed in Ajah). I have seen glimpses of the (wo)men a couple of my friends can be, simply because they met someone who drives them and makes them want to be the best version of themselves they possibly can. I have seen love and I know it’s very real but more than that, I have shown love.

For a second, forget all the things I said in Dear Future Girlfriend and forget all the cute gestures boyfriends show their girlfriends. I’ve stayed up all night watching over the one I loved while she tossed and turned because of menstrual cramps. Hell, y’all should’ve seen me strolling into a store to buy Tampons and casually answering the attendant about what day of her cycle she was and how heavy her flow is on that day like I wanted to use them for a severe nosebleed. I’ve been the one she lashed out at when things were going terribly and she needed someone to transfer the frustration to and rather than get upset, I kissed her forehead and encouraged her to, if she couldn’t tell me what was wrong, talk to God about it, I’ve gone to the bank to send her some money because she felt like ice cream. Not a big deal but 1. I hate going to the bank (plus I could easily have just transferred from my phone). I went because I knew the smile on her face when she got the alert from Coldstone would be worth the trouble but even more than all these, more than seeing and showing it, I have felt love.

I received a gift every day from the one who loved me for the twenty-one days leading to my 21st birthday. She was brutally honest with me, especially when it was a truth I was oblivious of or didn’t want to hear. I stared in bewildment when one day, we were out and she just started crying. The night had been beautifully perfect till that point so I didn’t know what could have gone wrong, I mean I just blinked and she had tears streaming down. The worst part was that she was smiling. When I asked her why she was crying, “because I can’t believe how much I love you and how blessed I am to have you” was her response. I could go on but I won’t. “Cavey you haven’t been married before, that’s a different thing altogether!”. Is it? Not really. It’s in a different dimension but it’s the same love. I should know because despite everything life flung their way, later this month, my parents would celebrate their 36th anniversary. It’s not always perfect but in their own way, they have taught me what love should and shouldn’t be so please spare me with the “love is dead” BS; It’s only dead if you chose not to give it life and if Mr. & Mrs Cavey’s Parents are not celebrity enough to use as examples, how about The Obamas, Ashton Kutcher & Mila Kunis, The Smiths (I mean Will & Jada), Fabolous’ marriage? Even if at some point, these fail so what? Hell, even Miss Piggy & Kermit broke up. “Dating moi is like flying close to the sun. It was inevitable that Kermit would drop down to the ground while I stayed in the heavens”. Poor Kermit 😀

But just because it ended doesn’t mean it wasn’t true.

The death of love has been greatly exaggerated. I still believe in love. You should too.


  1. MIA
    “Just Cause it ended doesn’t mean it wasn’t true”. I always say this to people.
    Had a terrible break up sometime ago and people kept on saying , oh but he didn’t love you to just leave you like that. I know he loved me, I knew it was genuine and I felt it. anyways, I believe love isn’t dead and will never be.

    Keep an open mind and you will be amazed.

  2. Hephie Brown
    Just Cause it ended doesn’t mean it wasn’t true. This. After my ex and I broke up, did I finally understand that. Bad relationships before then, i always questioned the love. But We were perfect, we were disgustingly perfect. We were shamelessly in love. He was a recruit, fresh from DSSC training camp. Pimples and sunburn. It was my first few months of serving in the Air Force. Commanders, Group Captains, Flt Lieutenants, all ranks above his sha, they were on my case. We got into soo much unnecessary trouble because I kept seeing him. It was so bad he could’nt come to the corpers lodge in peace and I couldnt go to his base in peace. We used to joke about how the forbidden-ness made the love sweeter. Of course he wasnt a perfect being. But the love was. We were like two puppies in love. And even through the distance and many flight tickets after, it was fine for me. Till we grew up and realized, genotype won’t let us be great. It was painful and harder to accept. I even prayed for God to take away his love from my heart. I don’t love him now, but i loved him then, and i never doubted his love for a whole day straight. I doubt I will ever come across such disgustingly sweet relationship again. Love exists still.
    1. Cavey Post author
      “Genotype wouldn’t let us be great”
      That just broke my heart :'(
      I’m sorry that love had to be snuffed but i’m glad you were once upon a time, in the cocoon of love’s euphoric arms. I hope, dear you find it again.
  3. Cheekayy
    I wish I can relate to this.. inasmuch as I have been in relationships, I have never had a reason to go an extra mile for anyone. Maybe I am still young and yet to discover love or/and the essence of a relationship.
    1. Cavey Post author
      the strange thing is, it doesn’t feel like you’re going an ‘extra mile’; it just feels like the right thing to do *chuckle*
      To be in love is an amazing feeling, I hope you discover it real soon.
      Thank you for reading,
  4. Girl
    Dear Cavey,
    I think you have a beautiful mind and heart. I also think you are a wonderful writer. Reading this article made me wish I had a better example of what love can be than what I’ve got. I pray nothing in your life ever causes you to loose faith in love.

    Posted from TNC Mobile

  5. Purple Rain
    This “genotype” thing such a big spoiler..It spoilt one for me recently…scars still very fresh..But then,it’s for the good of all.I heard the trouble it brings can chase love out of the window of any home.
  6. anon
    You are 21? I’ll wait till you are 27 and you got bills to pay, money to save, relatives and friends to cater for, long work hours and all…that’s reality and the strain it can put in a relationship…that’s when timing can be a real bitch and when work pressure has got you by the neck, I doubt you’ll be encouraging her to pour her frustration on you.

    Don’t mind my cynical self. It was a beautiful write up. Just wish adulthood was so much easy and as much fun as I thought it would be. *sigh

    1. Cavey Post author
      Hello, . Its been a while someone called me 21 *chuckle*
      Trust me, i know how demanding ‘adulting’ can be, seeing as the birthday I used as an example was a lifetime ago [i’ve forgotten what it felt like to be 21 and without a worry in the world ;'(] but take it from someone who knows, it gets better; the responsibilities would not reduce but you’d be stronger, wiser and be able to navigate the demands of adulting well enough.

      I wish you the best and thank you for reading. 🙂

    2. Dammy
      I’m 28, my husband a little younger than me, with 2 kids, full time jobs and sometimes part time, school fees, feeding, housekeeping, fuel, subscriptions impromptu expenses and even illness, not malaria ó, illness that takes you a year to recover from, pregnancy, unrealistic expectations . They all put a strain on the relationship, but the love is maturing, and it’s real and now, many ups, downs and fights later, is growing stronger
  7. Exclusive
    That’s a truth I’ve believed my whole life, and one I’ll continue to. That in the midst of the quagmire life can be, love does exist, and it’s real, strong and true.
  8. Orlaarmy
    Love is not dead. Hmm, but it seems to be crippled or even in a coma. Jokes apart, love is not the fleeting for feelings people have, it is commitment. You would never always have that craziness for that person even after years of marriage. You would have issues, you would frustrate each other. But at the end of the day, u are committed to each other ‘s happiness. Love only dies when it was never there in the first instance. *justmythoughts
  9. Chips
    Wonderful piece!!
    Love truely isn’t dead and it’s wonderful you’ve already felt a tip of the wonderful iceberg.
    I can’t completely relate with the whole love thing though, I haven’t completely allowed myself to love or be loved, don’t quite know why but I still look forward to it though.
    I want that Cavey and Cavey’s babe love ❤️
  10. HOlMES
    @cavey, pls do tell me she is a Jehovah’s witness..cos, dis I can’t stop thinking of au perfect it was tin going on here; I can totally relate wit it. but tinking abt it retrospectively I hope I had nt experience wit her cos dt break up almost left me damaged…d real love is great bt it hurts wen it goes awry, u don’t want to be in the crossfire..
      1. HOlMES
        Actually I have experienced dis kind of hrtbrk u kip describing in ur write-ups.. it ended cos she was a Jehovah’s I was enquiring if the lady wasn’t a Jehovah’s witness .. nd d subsequent follow ups was au I felt afterwards; the realization of au perfect it was was less Dan d PAIN I felt wen she left..
        in conclusion we jst av to agree sometimes love sucks as much as its fun nd adventurous as u paint it..thanks
  11. HBaby.
    Love is certainly not dead. I have loved and I have been loved but somewhere in the middle of it all it kept crumbling down and my friends would say “if I had gone through that I’d never love like that again” but in a life as blurry as this, I have only strived for two things happiness and love just because I know it is true, alive and worth it all.
    I remember having a perfect relationship at some point.. it wasn’t even all perfect I guess somehow that made it perfect and next minute it was all gone but I never doubted the existence of love not even for a second. I watch my parents tease each other, I watch them fight over the person who deserves the biggest meat, I watch my dad fight with my mum over the silliest thing like her not wearing the earring he wanted her to wear, He had even threatened to cancel a trip before just because my mum refused to wear any jewelry. I watch my mum in full swing go after my dad over him eating cake without taking off the icing sugar, I watch both of them laugh and giggle. What more proof is needed that love is not dead after all? I hope this beautiful peace by you yet again be a push for someone who believes other wise.
    Sometimes not being able to move on might feel like there is no love anymore, like it’s been zapped but like I once told someone Some people are just stains on a painted wall no matter how much you repaint you still feel the dirt there but he retorted by saying paint such that they aren’t stains but designs. Love is a beautiful design and it is far from being dead.

    Mr Cavey with the right words every time. How do you do it? Beautiful read.

  12. Tori
    “just because it ended doesn’t mean it wasn’t true.”

    This! People need to realize that some relationships aren’t meant to be long term. You can still be happy in the short time it lasted. Give it your all or don’t give it at all, or you would deny yourself the true experience.

  13. Butterflymind
    Err right! Lol I won’t be a party pooper.
    Perhaps love does exist. Perhaps it doesn’t. I think either way humans will always try to stay committed to one person and make their lives as relatively better as they can afford to.

    Nice post, Cavey 🙂

  14. A.
    “I remember how stunned one of my close friends was when she answered ‘no’ to her boyfriend and less than an hour later, he showed up at her doorstep with food he’d just made (he stayed in Maryland, she stayed in Ajah).”
    My jaw dropped at this. I might just propose to the guy. (had to comment before continuing)
  15. CeeCee
    I can’t help but comment, even though it’s coming late.

    I believe in love. It’s not exactly the 50 Shades of Grey kind of love, but the Shakespeare, Keats and Coleridge kind. The kind that gives you butterflies and secret smiles, and offers hope for the future.

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