When people think of one-sided love, they often consider it from the perspective of the person giving unrequited love. They think of a person who loves another so deeply, but doesn’t receive this. This person is often thought of as the victim and the other as the villain. I, too, used to have such thoughts, until…
When people think of one-sided love, they often consider it from the perspective of the person giving unrequited love. They think of a person who loves another so deeply, but doesn’t receive this. This person is often thought of as the victim and the other as the villain. I, too, used to have such thoughts, until I found myself at the receiving end of affection I could not return.
I met guy X through a friend and the first time I saw him I didn’t even bother to take a second glance. He wasn’t my type. He wasn’t tall or dark, neither did he have this confident aura about him, nor amazing dress sense that always drives me crazy in a guy. In fact, I only spoke to him out of courtesy. And when I spoke to him, oh Lord! It only made matters worse because he had this thick Igbo accent that I can only describe as the biggest turn off I had ever experienced.
However, as the universe had it, guy X found himself attracted to me, and he made it clear. From that day onwards, he tried everything in his power (or so I assume) to get me. He asked for my number, which I felt would be mean to deny him. And so the antics started. Romantic texts, constant phone calls to check up on me, and dates, which I tried to avoid, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Thinking back to those times now, he really was a hopeless romantic.
All my friends noticed. And even though I made it clear that he wasn’t my type, they kept pressuring me to give him a chance.
Me: but I don’t like him. I can’t force myself to.
My friend: you will grow to like him Chioma! See ehn, the type of guy you’re looking for is the type of guy that will break your heart. Better take this one oh! He’s a good guy and he’s clearly into you, so you better not let him slip away o! If not, you will regret it.
Hearing advice like this over and over again made me decide to give guy X a chance, with hopes that I would eventually like him with time. So, when he asked me out, I said that we could see where things would go with us. He seemed so overjoyed with this answer, and honestly, because I had spent a significant amount of time with him, I had began to care for him. I didn’t want to break his heart. So, although I knew at the back of my head that I couldn’t love him the way he loved me—oh yeah, did I mention that he told me he loved me after about a month?—I went ahead with a relationship that I didn’t want in the first place.
After a while, I realised this wasn’t what I envisioned my love life to be like, especially as this guy started scaring me with talks of rings and marriage. So, I broke it off with him. And believe it or not, he cried. He cried and begged me to take him back. He said he would try better, and even told me that he would cut of his friends if that was what I wanted.
I was beyond shocked, because I didn’t think he would take it that badly. I felt so bad, because the problem wasn’t with him, but with me not feeling a certain way towards him, and so eventually, I took him back. This break up scene happened 3 other times before he realised that things wouldn’t be the way he wanted it to be, and he gave up.
The sad thing about this whole story is that I truly believe that somewhere at the back of this guy’s mind, he knew that the way he felt for me wasn’t mutual. And it made me question why he kept fighting for us to be together.
And so the story of Guy X and I ended. This experience made me think: maybe in stories of unrequited love, there isn’t always a clear victim or villain. Maybe sometimes, it’s just complicated.
Guy X and I no longer talk, but I’ve heard from our mutual friend that he’s seeing someone new now. So, I guess there really is someone for everyone.
Have you been the ‘victim’ or ‘villain’ in stories of unrequited love? What did you think of the other person?