What Is The Purpose Of Being Together?

I was talking to my friend about his marriage yesterday, and my feelings went from the anticipation of a testimony of harmony, fun, friendship and love to disappointment and sadness, sadness in my part because I couldn’t believe that these two people I once knew as very much in love, who admired and cherished one…

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I was talking to my friend about his marriage yesterday, and my feelings went from the anticipation of a testimony of harmony, fun, friendship and love to disappointment and sadness, sadness in my part because I couldn’t believe that these two people I once knew as very much in love, who admired and cherished one another are locked in frequent fights on very mundane issues, personality clash, threats of divorce, and total lack of disregard, because none of them wants to back down and give up control, or accommodate the other person’s flaws and excesses; which has led my friend into the arms of another woman barely one year into his marriage because according to him, he had to find someone before he’ll go crazy or harm himself in some way (it’s that bad).

I tried to tell him what they were doing to each other, and make him see the issues from another angle and what this means for their future, at least from my little knowledge and understanding but he couldn’t see where I was coming from or relate to what I was trying to say. I don’t know anything about marriage, I know very little about relationships, but one thing I think I’ve come to understand that is common between the couples I know, both married and unmarried, is the lack of a sense of shared destiny. I know that we’ve heard the “find your purpose before you find a partner/spouse” advice too many times that I think it may have lost its potency to the point that, at least the few people I know as couples can’t really say why they’re together except for the fact that they were once or are in love with each other and they make each other happy.

One of the things that help me get over stuffs like disappointment, rejection, a broken relationship, or a mistake, is when I think about my vision and understanding of my life and what I believe I was born for, plus where I think my life is headed. It’s not that I don’t give the feelings of hurt and that initial pang of “oh why me” that hits us when things don’t go our way or we make a mistake its due, I do that, sometimes the hurt feelings lasts longer or less depending on the situation but I don’t let it linger, even though I need special effort and try to be intentional about not letting it linger, because I believe there’s more to my life than what happened or the person that did what he or she did. Now when two people come together and they believe they have found that one person who is with and for them, is that really all there should be about that coming together? I once listened to someone speak about modern economics and how it relates with marriage, and he mentioned that there should be a mission and vision statement in a marriage. According to him, kids should be raised according to the understanding of what the family stands for and where they’re going as a unit.

I kept thinking about this mission and vision issue after I spoke with my friend, I’ve come to understand that corporations only have a mission and vision statement when a group of individuals come together and decides to build something, maybe offer a service or manufacture a product that’ll serve a particular purpose to their target audience or target customer/client, that vision and mission statement serves as a testament of what they’re about and what they want to accomplish, but beneath the words written and recited is a shared understanding and purpose that says – I know why we’ve come together, I believe in what we want to accomplish and where we’re going because I see it, we’ll look for people who see what we see and are committed to making it happen. I won’t make personal demands in the process of building the foundation of the business that may devalue (or derail us from) the mission and vision that brought us together no matter how much money, time, energy, contacts, and intellect I invested in it because I’m guided by our shared purpose and no matter the challenges, failures, mistakes, personality clash that may want to break what we’re about to build, I won’t give up until I’ve exhausted all I think I can put in and given my best to make the business grow into what we envisioned at the beginning.

Another thing I believe that helps businesses grow, at least what I’ve come to know about my directors is that they’re open to unforeseen changes and they’re open to adjusting their plans and schedules to accommodate the change because they know that something else will come up, things always come up, but they stay focused on what they’re looking for and working towards. Is it possible that couples easily give up on themselves and their relationship/marriage because there’s no understanding of a bigger picture or they don’t see it? Will fights and focus on immediate disagreements be easily resolved when two people truly understand why they’re together and the vision for their union/relationship trumps the flaws or personality clash that may come up once in a while? When I say why two people are together, I don’t mean to get married and have children, it’s obvious that marriage isn’t the destination at all but a beginning of doing life with someone to accomplish a shared purpose that may align together as one or are different but similar.

Are couples right when a man or a woman says that his wife or her husband was pretending while they were dating and suddenly showed their true colours after marriage? Is what they saw after marriage as a result of deceit from their partner or did they just marry a human being with many layers and complexities that even the person that owns that life doesn’t or hasn’t fully known himself or herself and what they’re capable of? I once watched an interview of Will and Jada Pinkett Smith and they were asked about their marriage, Will said that to him what keeps him interested in his wife is the fact that he always looks forward to meeting someone new every day, the newness of Jada’s person may not make a daily appearance but he’s fascinated by the fact that he doesn’t live with the same mentality, attitude, character, for a long time. And I think what he said is possible in their marriage because he didn’t put a lid on Jada from the beginning, there’s the opportunity for growth, she has the freedom to evolve, and he seeks it out, and probably demands it.

Won’t it be so beautiful if the people we love and are committed to see where we are, but refuse to let us stay there for long, and this isn’t just in achievement but who we are as people while we in turn do the same for them, there’s so much we don’t know – why don’t we all commit to learning, and if you have someone in your life who is excited about learning how to do this love and life with you, all the better. I saw a quote that somehow sums it up: “we think of marriage as a relationship between two mature people…who love each other and settle into constancy and continuity. And, in fact, those two people are growing and changing all the time…Marriage requires a constant rhythm of adaptation between two people who are changing”. – Mary Catherine Bateson.

So, what do you think?

Responses

  1. Nosa
    ” because none of them wants to back down and give up control, or accommodate the other person’s flaws and excesses”

    One common theme i’ve noticed in most relationship/marriage issues is the refusal of one or both parties to make minor concessions. COMPROMISE.

    Shared destiny or what anyone else chooses to call it. If we agree on where we wanna end up but can’t agree on how we wanna get there, then it’s no use.

    4+
    1. Priscilla Joy
      But won’t knowing where you’ll end up bring the “how to get there” question? I think knowing “where” will bring up the need to figure out “how”.
      0
      1. Nosa
        I’m not married neither have I been a serious relationship. So correct me if i’m wrong; but i kinda think that knowing “where” isn’t as hard as it seems, as long as there is an open discussion about it. They say communication is key, and also “why” a couple gets together makes the process of defining a purpose that much clearer.
        Most couples had a clear purpose of “where”, but they never got as far as discussing the “how” probably because of egos, individual dreams and prospective disagreements that they felt would be unresolvable, discussing the “how” is scarier than the “where” because this is where each party is expected to make concessions and give a little ground. But human nature being selfish makes it tough.
        In summary, even the couples who define their purpose forget it over time, they fail to remind themselves of it everyday,
        0
  2. A Loco Viva Voce
    A wise person once said “the peace in your home is worth more than winning an argument “.
    The problem with marriages of these days in my opinion is the whole misconception of feminism aka girl power.
    Women now feel equal to men because that’s what society teaches these days that they forget the fundamentals of what makes a relationship succeed which is compromise and to be honest, majority of that compromise ought to come from the woman. Thus says the word of God.

    DO MEN DESERVE A FREE PASS TO CHEAT?
    http://alocovivavoce.com/2015/11/23/do-men-deserve-a-free-pass-to-cheat/

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    1. Ron
      That reasoning is quite frankly sexist and flawed. Compromise is not something that is exclusive to a woman. It is a shared responsibility. As much as a woman will respect her husband, the husband still has to honor his wife. It is a give and take. Not a give because it is your duty to.

      That is where animosity builds, when one party feels like they constantly have to sacrifice for the other. Even in a friendship, or a relationship with two non-romantic parties, you always have to learn to compromise. Give and take. It’s a dance. An exchange. Like salsa, one partner pushes, the other pulls and the fluid movement of one into the other is what makes it work.

      Don’t get into a marraige and expect your wife to compromise because it is her “duty” and the “word of God” says so. She will grow to resent you and you will never have a happy marriage. Never.

      My own dollar and two pence.

      37+
      1. Olushola
        I don’t know about marriage more than I’ve either read or overheard in people’s discussions, therefore excuse my ignorance.
        I quite agree that when submission becomes a duty, then we are all headed for the plunge. The essence of the marriage is for the man to cling to his wife. Cling means cling and not to permit, it means holding onto her no matter her mistakes and errors.
        However, asking a woman give in more often than the guy accepts his mistakes is relatively not sexist, the sexism isn’t until it’s become a routine.
        As much as the woman receives commendations for a successful marriage, she also gets the condemnations for the failed one. To whom much is five, much is expected. The woman on whom lies the major responsibility for sustaining the home (I didn’t say marriage) must learn to submit since it will be more logical to subscribe to the wisdom of keeping your marriage. She has more to lose if it goes wrong (I stand to he corrected). Our people say “kneeling for the dwarf doesn’t make one shorter after standing”. Logic says you ‘jejely’ stroke his foolish ego and live happily ever after even if that last for just a couple of days.
        Not excusing the foolishness of the man’s ego but a woman who wants to make her relationship work must once in a while push gender equality aside (except in cases of domestic abuse or outright irresponsibility) and fight for her home.
        Considering the frequency in the failure of marriages in the name of gender-equality, can I ask that we push the subject aside for a while and seek logic and sense? Which makes more sense, losing your home in the name of gender equality activism or just ‘jejely’ bearing the mumu’s foolishness for the sake of your marriage? Unless there is no possibility of happiness and divorce is the last resort, when you can exhume your equality guns and blast the bastard to perdition till you get all you deserve, the woman must brace herself to accommodate his shortcomings often.
        That said, reaching compromise is everyone’s responsibility, at least that’s what the preachers say at weddings, probably because the Holy pastor acknowledge (from experience) that no (wo)man is strong when it comes to issues in marriage.
        Well… What do I know?
        3+
        1. A
          I’m confused. Why does the woman have these many responsibilities? Is she married to herself? Why should anyone push gender-equality aside? So many questions.

          You need to rethink what you think you know.

          13+
          1. A Loco Viva Voce
            This is just the life we live in. Women make or break homes and rather than remain adamant and ruin your home, it is your duty to be submissive. Marriages that last a lifetime didn’t last because the man and woman were equals. Ask our parents and grandparents.

            There comes a time when you just have to let the man have his way in order to retain the sanctity of your home. Insisting on gender equality will only cause more havoc especially when the husband is trying to exert his authority as a man and you constantly insisting on your stand will only make him feel immasculated and drive him away leading to divorce.

            Then it becomes a vicious cycle cos there can’t be two captains in a ship so you would most likely end up divorcing every man because you want to be equal to them. This is why most strong and independent women are unmarried because they refuse to submit to their husbands. To each his own but I stand by the point that the key to a happy home is submission from the female.

            1+
          2. Olushola
            Okay.. Lend me your imagination.
            Your boss gave you a document with wrong set if data, these data however will affect a lot of variables.
            You meanwhile, while processing this information, you discovered it was completely wrong and so used the supposed correct data for the assignment. Thereafter you told your boss and before you could say “sir, I changed the data becau…” he, abruptly cutting you short had told your life story, yelled at you and even called you names while threatening hell and brimstone.
            My question is will you maintain your grounds pointing out your boss’ error while you invoke any section of the Constitution that can intimidate his decision to penalize you or will you just simply apologize?
            You have only two choices, submit and be pardoned or be an activist and suffer.

            Personally, I will apologize since I’ve not got a NNPC job yet. Sometimes you just lose so you can win. Apologizing will probably make him hear your side of the story, see things your way or even indirectly make up for his errors since not many bosses accept their mistakes.

            Or will you rather fight omo onile because you have your papers or just settle them so you can build and live in your own house by December?

            Sometimes, you just forget who’s right or wrong and just be the matured partner.

            0
          3. thetoolsman
            WOW wow Shola. Im sorry but wow again. The fact that you even chose this analogy to represent the relationship between a husband and wife is wrong in too many ways and makes me understand where your mind is. Boss and employee? Come on. A wife is a partner and not an employee or a slave. If a wife can’t argue constructively with her husband and try to convince him over a decision that will probably affect both of them, then somebody definitely married wrong.

            This still doesn’t apply but I just see the need to mention that even in your example with the boss and the employee, I would maintain my grounds. Not because I have another job or I don’t know where it could lead to but I know my rights as an employee especially if it’s a structured organization with some kind of reputation. If I get dismissed wrongfully, they will regret it – don’t tell me this is Nigeria, I have witnessed firsthand where this was done successfully. Condoning such behaviours results into abuse and though a huge number of Nigerians are abused at their jobs daily, that doesn’t make it right. Thats discussion for another day though.

            I agree with you that sometimes you just have to forget who’s right or wrong but context is key and what you explained in your comment is not of the right ones as far as I’m concerned.

            4+
          4. Olushola
            Okay, toolsman, agreed, my analogy was totally off, my point remains.
            Submission should not be anyone’s duty, no one should be too big to seek compromise, asking the woman to be often submissive is not as (or more) sexist than blaming the woman for success or failure of a marriage (blame our society), unless there is no possibility for happiness, work out your relationship issues. My thoughts revolve around these points however poorly I could express them.
            But my mind doesn’t compare marriage to boss-employee relationship. The analogy was intended to depict how foolish the man’s stand can sometimes be.
            Thanks for your thoughts and that conclusion.
            My point is not against equality, but against losing your marriage in the name of gender equality when a momentary submission could save you a lifetime of regrets.
            0
    2. Naomi
      Hmm…..what is the purpose of being together?
      Dear Sir/Ma, the purpose is not for someone to perform duties prescribed by society for each gender. The media propaganda about gender equality/inequality is just that, fuelled by the media. Have you met a real feminist? I have 2 as tutors, male and female, and what i learned is fairness in business and having equal opportunities – a girl can choose to fly a plane likewise a boy can choose to be a nurse.

      None talk about ‘don’t cook for your husband’ blah blah nigerian twitter yap about. That’s a personal decision in your own home.

      Quite funny you talk about a wife maintaining a home. “Women make or break homes and rather than remain adamant and ruin your home, it is your duty to be submissive” No. Please don’t say that again. Anyone can make or break a home.

      “Marriages that last a lifetime didn’t last because the man and woman were equals. Ask our parents and grandparents.” Big lie. I know grandmothers that committed polyandry and grandmas that were not subdued or did not ‘submit’ to their husbands.
      Those marriages u speak of, most last because the women resign themselves to fate not because of love or happiness. Ask questions from older couples around you and don’t assume because something lasts it must be perfect.

      “There comes a time when you just have to let the man have his way in order to retain the sanctity of your home.”
      This is the worst line. Sorry for the analysis but its so funny. Most of these women act without an ounce of sense, catching diseases, raising an adulterous husband’s child(ren), fighting mistresses and sidechics and going for endless vigils. If the man dies she is left at the mercy of inlaws for inheritance. Ngwanu, all to keep a home?

      Losing every effing time.
      Forbes list you no dey, happy marriage list you no dey!! Na wa oo.

      12+
    3. tfordmoney
      please women ARE equal to men, they do not just feel it. what is happening now is that men don’t get a free pass for being mean humans just because they are men and everyone is held accountable for their shit.
      0
  3. Larz
    I believe in the uniqueness of our character and differences in opinion sometimes. I have come to embrace my spouse different. Understanding this means I am less alarmed by disagreements. I am also more purposeful in my response to it.

    My goals is to figure out if a particular action is best for me or best for us? If the answer for me is yes then I ask my spouse ths same question.

    I dont know about most ppl but I used to be very argumentative and my words can and do hurt. And boy every winning shot makes me feel very warm inside. I came to realise that in the middle of an argument, anything goes but if I can surmon the courage to break the flow of the argument, I can gain perspective. Hubby understands that and allows us to call a time out. The only person my new sunny attitude doesnt work on is my mum becuz she never lets me take time out but I am working on that too.

    2+
  4. Gracey
    Love your wife as Christ loved the church and wives be submissive to your husbands. Power tussle, lack of compromise, suppressed anger and hurt part of the things that cause marriages to fail. I’ve heard many women say, ooh but must we always be the ones to back down n broker peace? My dear, if that’s the only way the man won’t go looking for solace outside wouldn’t u have that and rest?

    Then again, what do I know…

    Epiphany29.com
    Olive X Mustard

    2+
  5. Femme
    First instincts is to say: companionship, love, passion bla bla ..then reality hits and u realise the questions is hard.

    We all think we have it covered until reality sets in. Sometimes u actually ask urself this question. Sometimes ur partner does somethg dumb and u have to ask again. Most couples marry, have kids and actually don’t remember why they came together. It is hoped that after all, we realize we are together because we have d same goals,want a family, love each other, and can tolerate each other while we hope to build something that we can ride on in this journey of life.

    Sigh! Can we really answer this question? Your analogy of mission and vision for businesses covers it for me.

    This post is so relevant to me despite d fact that it doesn’t seem to have gotten comments like those controversial posts. Tnx.

    1+
  6. Meh
    I do wish the comments didn’t go down the rabbit hole of submission and ‘home keeping’ because I don’t think that was what the author was pushing for. The question asked is a very delicate one and I often think on it and push it away because it requires a lot of maturity for a man and woman to put aside the whirlwind of work, commitments, kids etc and re-assess what their marriage currently is. There’s a reason why some divorces peak when the kids have left home. All of a sudden the identity of mom and dad is gone and you are left alone with your partner like at the beginning. Why are we together??? Companionship? What are our shared goals? I’m glad I read this article cos I may be making a decision soon and I need to examine my motives…
    5+
    1. Priscilla Joy
      Sigh, finally!!! I was hoping that more people will get it, and shed more light on the topic, especially the married folks among us cos I strongly believe that this is a question that needs to be explored deeply and asked.

      I don’t know if i’m right, but I think that when there’s a bigger picture, a shared vision or purpose, it creates a certain resilience and a kind of depth that can withstand little issues and challenges, and perhaps put the two people back on track should they get distracted or lose their way at some point.

      But another thing is, at the end of the day no two people can come together and make such decision if they don’t first of all know who they are and what their individual life is all about.

      3+
  7. thetoolsman
    Ok.. so I try not to jump on posts like this early on so as not to influence the comment pattern. On this one, feared the comments would go exactly how they did. Many here don’t know that I’m married and though a lot of the team members have continuously put pressure on me to write more about my experiences in marriage, I’ve decided not to- just yet. Why? Before I got married, many said I couldn’t have an opinion on marriage, now that I am, they say I haven’t been married long enough to know stuff. So I’ve decided to give myself a year at least before sharing – it’s almost time so hang in there.

    On this post though – which by the way is awesome in many ways because it addresses so many things in not so many words – I think logically, it does make sense to agree on a kind of defined path/purpose/direction/vision for a marriage outside of just being in love and having kids but when it comes to the practice, e no easy. And thats not so much of a surprise. Some years back, I sold all my shares in a very very successful venture I got in with a friend – why? Because the vision for the business was mine and no matter how hard I tried to sell it to my partner, he just didn’t see it. It was some kind of divorce but thats story for another day. Now imagine if it’s that hard to sell a business vision to another person, how hard will it be selling the vision of a marriage to someone else?

    Also, I work in marketing and one of the things I always push to clients when setting up new businesses is that your mission and vision have to be dynamic. Just like I keep saying about culture – things change so you can say you want to be the biggest bank in Nigeria and keep that 20 years down the line when you should be competing internationally. This is just another reason why this vision business is not easy.

    So, this being said, what is the way forward? If you can’t sell this vision to someone, do you then look out for someone who keys into your vision before even getting married – yes and no. No because if we were all doing this, very few people would get married. Yes, because whether we like it or not, marriages (especially nowadays) have become very transactional. It’s like a merger between Mr XY limited and Miss Z limited. Yes there’s love, think of it as the law firm that perfects the merger but you know what you have in mergers? Negotiations and eventually, COMPROMISE. The compromise a lot of people spoke about above are the little ones in my opinion because they happen during the marriage (often influences by the dynamic nature of the world), the major compromise comes before the marriage. Thats where you weight the discrepancies between your personal vision and your potential partner’s and see if you can live with it for the rest of your life. If you can, perfect. Go for it. If not, don’t even think about it because it will only get worse from that point.

    I could go on and on but just so I don’t end up posting another post here, I hope I’ve been able to clear up some stuff 🙂

    7+
    1. Priscilla Joy
      Yes you have and what you said about culture makes sense, does that mean there should be a certain flexibility when the purpose or vision is being considered? since it’s people we’re talking about here, they may grow out of what was driving them in the beginning or evolve, have some kind of epiphany and decide they want another path. Like you said the major discussion, negotiations and compromise should be done before the marriage, that way almost everything is laid out and both parties go in having made some concrete decisions, if there’s anything like that.

      Thanks for your comment.

      0
    2. Larz
      Well done Toolsman and Priscilla. Love might bring us together but something else keeps us together. I am definitely guilty of not having thought about what my vision of marriage is. Something to think about. But like you said, I am sure it will always keep evolving as we grow.
      0
  8. Cavey
    I fear that i would leave a post guised as a comment so I’m going to try to respect myself.

    I am not married but this is what i think…before a couple answers the question of the purpose of being together, they need to know WHY they got together in the first place. The purpose of staying together still stems from why you got together…love. And if the love is as true as love gets, it addresses the issue of ‘submission’ & ‘gender equality’ and the rest of that stuff because love is SELFLESS. That means the woman compromises for the man and the man does the same for his woman.
    Remember ‘The Gift of Magi’? A tale with the woman who cut her hair amd sold it to buy a watch fob for her husband’s watch only to present it to him to discover he’d sold his watch to buy combs for her hair.
    Love, like God meant us to experience, also means that you want your partner to be the best person (s)he can be; you’d supoort her, encourage her dreams, criticize her in love and spur her on to fufill her potential. Its this love that’s the purpose of being together because a marriage is not a solitary race but a three-legged race and both HAVE to work together to get a good result. Working together means knowing each others strengths and weaknesses and finding a way to make it work.
    Yes, there would be the occasional fall but like toolsman said, if both share the same vision of crossing the finish line, they will find a way to get up and continue. And if one can’t get up? Pffttt. Samwise Gamgee already showed us what to do. Carry your Frodo in your back!
    No one says it will be easy. Hell, it might be the most trying thing you do but crossing the finishline, destroying the ring (not your marriage o…I’m referring to Saruman’s ring),whatever it is, the shared ‘vision’ and Love would keep you together.

    4+
    1. Priscilla Joy
      Bless your heart Cavey, you’re such a romantic. but while love is important I still doubt that we humans can love unconditionally because we all have a degree of selfishness in us and it’ll come out at some point in the marriage/relationship.

      It’s said that when the purpose of a thing isn’t known abuse is inevitable, and I used to think that only applied to knowing the purpose of a relationship which we’ve been taught to believe it shouldn’t be anything other than marriage, but somehow that’s like belittling the individuals’ potentials, their reason for being, and giving this impression that there’s no life beyond marriage. But it’s obvious there is, so when the marriage happens; what then? you say love, others say friendship, but can there be more? what about this: “conversing about “who are we, what’s our mission and what’s our legacy” creates shared meaning and purpose in the relationship”.

      1+
      1. Cavey

        I sincerely think we can love unconditionally. Thats why i said in my post that being in love trumps loving but that’s not the matter at hand.
        What I believe is that if the selfishness surfaces at some point, the love is questionable. See Will!
        0
    2. Ugo
      Hi Cave,

      As much as I like what you said, and would love to wholeheartedly agree, I cannot.

      Been married a couple of months…and that’s all I will say on that now.

      Love is not enough. It’s never enough. As a purpose for being together, it is still not enough.

      I know, I’m being repetitive, but love is still NOT enough.

      1+
        1. Larz
          Most of us in this new generation have this idea of I will do anything for love but I wont do that, or that or that, esp not that. Our definition of love is based on hollywood, disney or whatever. The concept of sacrifice doesnt even begin to venture anywhere. I agree with Cavey, the love for another will push back selfish thought or act.
          1+
  9. Nosa
    I’m not married neither have I been a serious relationship. So correct me if i’m wrong; but i kinda think that knowing “where” isn’t as hard as it seems, as long as there is an open discussion about it. They say communication is key, and also “why” a couple gets together makes the process of defining a purpose that much clearer.

    Most couples had a clear purpose of “where”, but they never got as far as discussing the “how” probably because of egos, individual dreams and prospective disagreements that they felt would be unresolvable, discussing the “how” is scarier than the “where” because this is where each party is expected to make concessions and give a little ground. But human nature being selfish makes it tough.

    In summary, even the couples who define their purpose forget it over time, they fail to remind themselves of it everyday,

    0
    1. Priscilla Joy
      ” i kinda think that knowing “where” isn’t as hard as it seems, as long as there is an open discussion about it. They say communication is key, and also “why” a couple gets together makes the process of defining a purpose that much clearer.”- this is so right, I think the issue with figuring out the how is a vulnerability issue, it may not necessarily come from selfishness or the urge to be conceited but maybe because we’re afraid of laying ourselves bare for someone else because we’re not so sure they’re really true or they’ll be there to catch us. But when there’s sincerity of purpose or motives, maybe it’ll be easier
      1+
  10. Gio
    Hmmn! So much sense in this post… I think I quite buy into the story of “comb & hair” cos I am of the opinion that you should both live for each other, bearing in mind that efforts won’t be equal but the zeal to keep it together should be, simply put,not one above the other when it comes to keeping the friendship, marriage and subsequently the home as desired. Starting out by living for each other from inception is the way to go,so when the challenges set in it becomes second nature to know your partner would be after your best interest.
    1+
  11. Nosa
    I. Am. Confused.
    I keep seeing words like “win” and “woman should compromise”, and i am not subscribing to that scope of wisdom.
    I did mention at one point that relationships are never 50-50, one side is always doing more at any point in the relationship timeline.
    As stubborn as I can be, striving to win an argument that can affect my relationship is just not what i would do. I don’t care how many times I have to look dumb or boost my lover’s ego, i will do it. It doesn’t make me clingy or needy, i just realize that what I have is worth saving at whatever cost, and because I may relent in these areas to let her have her way doesn’t mean she doesn’t do the same for me in other ways to. So please if my woman doesn’t like, she shouldn’t compromise, i will, but just because i may let her take the wheel doesnt mean………..never mind

    What i’m saying is; in a relationship, no one wins unless you both win, so if you have to compromise 20 times (whether you’re the man or woman), you do it as long as you have something worth saving.
    All this talk about expecting the other person to do crap is just a stupid sense on entitlement, if it’s something you can do, dont wait or expect the ither person, do it

    3+
  12. Funk
    Purpose of being together? Biology. That’s it tbh. Raw biology. Our inbred desire to continue the human species and the chemicals that are responsible for engendering that desire. Every other thing is just layers and layers of some of the many delusions we choose to make sense of a lot of the nothingness in this life. “Naw c’mon. There’s gotta be more to…”. And one of the things marriage is is a way to continue the human species in a socially acceptable manner.
    Lol. I’m not weird. Chill… I’m not weird.
    1+
  13. DL
    Long post…
    Even longer comments…
    One thing I do know is that understanding more than love is what keeps the boat afloat…it’s hard to feel the love when your partner leaves hair all over the sink you just scrubbed or chooses to play video games instead of listening to how bad your day was…
    Love may be what brings people together but it’s nowhere enough to keep…
    0
  14. That smart chick
    The purpose, vision and mission of the marriage should come from the purpose of each individual in the marriage. Someone whose purpose in life is to minister should not be married to someone in show business. They just don’t go together and that’s why they say find your purpose before you marry. The person you marry should either have a similar vision for their life or compliment your vision for yours. Robert Kiyosaki and Kim Kiyosaki, Barack and Michelle Obama, Sam Adeyemi and his wife, Bishop Oyedepo and Faith the list is endless.
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