I once wrote about how I would almost never trust a black woman (read Nigerian woman) with setting me up on a date simply because I have come to realise that for some strange reason, it seems most of our women define beauty/sexiness etc based on their own insecurities. A simple example is the fact that more often than not, an A-cup chic that feels insecure about her boobs would automatically consider a chic with C/D cup when defining what is hot/sexy/beautiful to her. This she would do without paying too much attention to her other features, which, for all you know may be average.
Yes, some will say this is a broad generalisation and of course you can argue that some guys also do it (though I think for guys, it’s more about material things like money, job, cars, assets etc) but that’s not exactly why I’m here today so I won’t dwell on it. I just started with that because I think it forms a background for our topic of discussion today which is the fact that for some strange reason, when it comes to physical appearance, women find it extremely difficult to trust men.
Let’s begin with an example. This post is actually a result of a conversation I recently had with a friend. He came to me to vent (yes – just so you know how frustrated he was). His wife was obsessed with her skin colour and it was driving him nuts. You see, his wife is one of those sexy chocolatey skin coloured beauties who simply glow most of the time – well, that’s me talking. But he totally shares my sentiments and he pretty much told me it was one of the few things that initially attracted her to him when they met. The problem started when she got pregnant and she started getting slightly darker. Every opportunity she had, she made sure to reference the fact that she hated her new skin colour and though her husband repeatedly assured her that he had absolutely no issue with it, she wasn’t buying it. Perhaps she thought he was only saying nice things to her because she was carrying their baby but things got crazy months after she gave birth and her body was gradually returning to its natural colour but she was still obsessed with looking even lighter.
She invested in all sorts of “toning” skin products in her quest to win back her skin while she constantly ignored the voice of her husband who kept on reassuring her that he was perfectly okay with the way she looked. Of course she didn’t listen until things got a bit ugly and became a huge fight and that was when I was invited into the conversation.
Now before you comment, let me also share a similar personal experience. All my life I’ve been about moderation when it comes to my women. Like I’m an ass guy but don’t come at me with your Kim+Khloe sized behind and think we can hit it off. Sure, if it was just for the sex, a one off or something short term, exceptions can be made but for me to have ever dated or even considered having something serious with you, everything had to be moderate (let’s leave my reasons for another day). And so, I’m the B-cup loving dude (maybe occasionally C but you get the idea). There was no surprise when I married a B-cupper but just like many women, wifey turned out to be one of those who has always been insecure about the size of her boobs. No amount of reassurance from me cured this – it was simply a case of – garbage in, garbage out whenever we had the conversation. She was absolutely convinced I was only saying those things because I was married to her and pretty much had no other choice. And then came the baby, which (almost) changed everything. I watched as my beloved B-cups transformed into these ginormous things I couldn’t recognise and my wife was having the time of her life. Finally she got to live her dream of having bigger boobs without going under the knife and I could see the look of satisfaction in her eyes everyday as she stood in front of the mirror.
In this particular instance, I won’t say she was disregarding my feelings because it was pretty much something she couldn’t control and as a result, I decided to give her the moment and let her enjoy it while it lasted. As much as I hated that period because it almost felt like a stranger was living in my house, I tried my best not to let it show. But that’s me and that came about as a result of something out of our control. In my friend’s case, it was totally different, as his wife could have simply trusted him.
During our conversation, my friend made a statement, which I had to caution him on. He said “Who is she even looking nice for – am I not her husband, once she’s good enough for me, who else matters.” Many men, especially those married or in serious long-term relationships, think this way and I think it’s unfair and selfish. Yes, she’s with you and you should be able to influence her physical appearance based on what you like but it shouldn’t be only about you. Self-confidence is one of the greatest qualities anyone can have and though it may sound vain, for some this only comes when they absolutely feel like they’re looking like a box of 100 million.
I think the key thing here is trust. We know women have always and will always be more particular about their physical appearance than men and anything related to the body can easily lead to insecurity. As a result, it’s definitely going to be harder to get any woman to trust you as a guy when you say, look, I love your natural hair or can you please not fix your nails for a while, I just love your natural finger nails or please don’t lose weight babe, I think this is the perfect size for you (I know all women will want this guy).
Am I right or am I right? It’s time to read from you. To the women reading, let us know if and why you don’t trust us when we say we like you just how you are. To the men, can you relate? Please share your stories and lets talk in the comment section.