no sex

Yes, We Still Have Single Ladies Who Do Not Have A Little Sex On The Side

I fell seriously ill when I was 14 years old. The kind of illness that scares your parents out of their wits. I had been given some drugs from the pharmacy because at first, my Dad thought that it wasn’t so serious. But few hours after he left for work, I could not even walk and had a splitting headache.

I attempted to get on a bike to go the hospital with my younger brother but almost fell at the stairs in front of my neighbor’s house… and that was when he saw me… my neighbor’s husband, that is. Of course, no one in their right senses would see a seriously sick young girl and leave her to die so he assisted me to his car and took me to the hospital.

On the way to the hospital though, he asked me if I was pregnant. I answered him and told him that I wasn’t but the question threw me off balance and seemed odd to me because I knew nothing about sex… then. I even told my parents about the incident when I was stronger because it was just absurd that he could look at small me and ask if I was pregnant.

I was recently ill again before I passed out from NYSC and the first thing the nurses and doctor asked me was if I was pregnant. And, of course, I said no.

And the next question was, “When last did you see your period?” I was glad that I could look them in the eye, give them dates and be certain about the fact that any pregnancy test that comes out positive would just mean that I was to be another Mary.

Every time I think about this “are you pregnant?” question being the first thing that’s asked a single girl when she’s sick, I get sad.

Why does everyone assume that every single lady is sexually active? Even when you say no, I haven’t had sex in years, they look at you like you are lying.

Sometimes I don’t blame them though. A few years ago I would indeed have had cause to be concerned about whether or not I was pregnant if I fell ill.

Yes, I eventually got to know what sex is all about when I was in the University… got into the experimenting stage and the works… got involved and was burnt and then discovered that when God says we should stay off pre-marital sex, it’s actually for our own good.

So I’ve been celibate for some years. Hence I’m back to the place where the “are you pregnant” question hits me in bizarre ways.

A friend of mine recently spoke to me about how her male colleagues ask her to tell them if she’s not having sex and whether “she’s not eating what everybody is eating” and I felt like pinching the eyes of those men.

I understand that yes, the world has gone to rot but not everyone in it has gone to rot with it. There’s still a remnant of ladies who are keeping their bodies pure for Godly reasons and some because they’ve tasted the pre-marital side of sex and realized that it actually doesn’t do them any good.

I think some men have so dealt with some ladies in the aspect of sex; used their bodies for years and years with fake promises of marriage – a marriage that never came and such ladies have wised up and vowed not to have any man enter their holies of holies except a man who has gotten the legal rights to their bodies – the rights gotten at the altar before God and man.

Whatever may be the reason why some ladies have decided to be celibate before marriage, my point in all of these is – yes, we still have ladies who do not have little boyfriends by the side – boyfriends who service their bodies (in the words of some razz men).

I think it’s unfair to group every woman into the same category and see every woman as a loose one who you can dangle a few naira in front of and you’d have her in your bed by the evening of the same day you met her.

I am one of the ladies who have understood the truth that sex isn’t merely a skin to skin transaction – sex is a covenant in which soul ties are forged and our bodies, the temple of the Holy Spirit are desecrated and made impure by being joined to one who isn’t our husband.

I am one of the ladies who have been celibate for five years running and will continue to stay celibate till God brings their man to them…

So it’s simply wrong for the world to group all single ladies into the category of ladies who are eating the forbidden fruit and as such, you can hit on her – even in the office – and expect her to give into your advances because “she does it anyway”.

It saddens me that the bodies of ladies have been reduced to a mere commodity – one men can hit at and gain access to at any time with the currency of a few sleek words, dinner at a fancy restaurant, gift of an iPhone and promises of “more to come”.

My darling sisters, what’s happening to us?

We are worth more than this.

Our bodies weren’t made to service every Tom and Harry’s bed, they were made to serve the Lord in purity and holiness and yes, even in our workplaces.

Doesn’t it also sadden you that your worth has been so relegated to nothingness, so much so that even in a professional environment where your worth should be predicated on the value you bring to the company; your body is being analyzed as the medium of exchange?

I believe all of these ills began because we lost sense of our true worth in Christ and it will stop when we regain our true value again.

Your body is not meant to be a commodity to be sampled everywhere you go.

You are a treasure worth more than rubies.

Not everyone should have access to your holies of holies. God took special care in crafting you, you know?

And remember that when He finished crafting our mother Eve, He gave her to a man who didn’t just want to take advantage of her body, but wanted to cherish her and love her the right way before the eyes of God and man.

Can we go back to that place sisters?

That place where we treat ourselves and our bodies with respect and also set the tone for how the men around us should treat us…

That place where we realize that though we may not have a lot of godly men in the world anymore, we can still let the less-than-godly ones know that they can’t expect to have our bodies because they bought us ice-cream or bought us a car.

We have too many cocky men rolling around now… men confident in their looks and money and not in their content because few ladies know that it’s the content in them that matters.

Can we decide to drop all that today sisters?

I’m not judging anyone who’s still caught in the trap of de-valuing their bodies because I was like you before. Meeting a man online and spending the night with him… Sleeping with him because he said he will marry me… I have done all that and then I realized when I found Christ that I am worth more than all those mistakes.

God has better in store for me than a man whose only goal is to get between my legs.

In fact, God has better for me than men who’d rather have the milk for free than buy the cow… and I believe that He has better for you too.

This is a call to you all my fellow sisters.

We still have single ladies who are not having a little sex by the side.

We still have ladies who are celibate and waiting for God’s chosen spouse for them.

Perhaps you’d care to join us too?

And perhaps someday, the first question that will be asked a sick single lady will not be “are you pregnant?”

I hope we get the true value and worth of our bodies back again. I sincerely hope so.

Please comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

The following two tabs change content below.
Avatar
Frances Okoro is a Lawyer by profession; Writer and Christian blogger by passion/calling. She is the author of "Chastity For Men" - go to the website link to get your FREE e-copy (with an exclusive chapter for the ladies) - and "10 Steps To Walking In purpose". Visit the book page and get started on living and walking in purpose! (book page link: www.facebook.com/10stepstowalkinginpurpose) She has a heart for young girls and currently organizes "Awakening Youths" seminars in Secondary Schools in Nigeria. She is also an adventure seeker and revels in any trip that kicks off her adrenaline levels. Visit her website to know more about everything she's passionate about; living a purposeful life, living in purity/chastity and living forth the fullness of life that God promises us.‎.. and you just might also get sucked into the bug of her #12TripChallenge and get started on enjoying life even as a single lady! You can keep in touch by liking her page on Facebook. Subscribe to her Youtube Channel at - Frances Okoro, and follow her on her Twitter account.
Comments
  • Avatar
    Olamide

    “I think it’s unfair to group every woman into the same category and see every woman as a loose one who you can dangle a few naira in front of and you’d have her in your bed by the evening of the same day you met her.”
    I really appreciate this.

    July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    Soft

    Nice writeup..this is a wakeup call fr evry lady…know ur worth n act accordingly

    July 19, 2016
    • Avatar
      S

      All this talk of know your worth. I need someone to actually run me through the thought process.
      How is a woman diminishing her worth by choosing to have sex?

      July 19, 2016
      • Avatar
        Uche

        See…

        July 19, 2016
      • Avatar
        Kay

        from the Bible’s POV…

        July 19, 2016
      • Avatar
        JAL

        God bless you! Sometime I wonder if religious persons are joking when they talk about their religions/God/gods saying man has free will when instead they promote one way of thinking and stigmatization for those who challenge that thought flow!

        July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    Larz

    1) it is actually a valid question for medics to ask if a woman is pregnant when she is sick. Because, it can change the whole course of treatment. For example, even if you have common headache, they cant prescribe Ibruprofen/ Aspirin to you. Again, the man dropping you off at the hospital will also know to inform medics that you are ill. It is not that deep. If you are not pregnant, then answer the question with pride and move on. Know (or assume) that it comes from a good place.

    2) On celibacy: the call to celibacy is one given to both single men and women. So why are women seen as victims/ pawn of mens advances. Men are too. The whole premise of this post is putting burden on women and women alone to stay pure. That is not what my Bible teaches me. Condemn sexual advances all you want but do it per the Bible and you should only hold those that believe in Bible/ other faith that holds celibacy dear to that standard

    3) You said you dont wanna judge those that are devaluing their bodies. Again this implies women are the only one devalue their body. Also, that statement screams judgemental.

    I will stop here before I write a book

    July 19, 2016
    • Avatar
      Larz

      PS- I hate all forms of stereotypes.
      -I didn’t like it when people assume I was sexually promiscuous
      -I didn’t like it when people thought becuase I was Nigerian I am materialistic
      The world would be a lot easier if people get to know a person individually and not just make general assumptions

      July 19, 2016
    • Avatar
      ashabi

      Thank you oh!!! A female security guard at my school’s gate(lautech college of health sciences) insulted a level and course-mate of mine.. This girl is sooo curvy and (assy) the woman said (to the girl) that she’s sure the girl wasn’t a virgin… On behalf of her I wanted to snap the woman’s head!!! But anyways my sistah sha insulted the woman.. I was proud. I feel its our right to rise above hatred and if I’m pregnant nko?? What’s their own? Shebi I went to their pharmacist to get condom and pills na one kind stinky eye the woman gimme? Sha sha sha its nobody’s biz. And yeah who says having sex devalues you? Who kept my values in my vagina biko?

      July 19, 2016
    • Avatar
      S

      Please say it louder for those in the back who didn’t hear.

      July 19, 2016
    • Avatar
      Od

      (2) Men are solicitors. Women are consenters. The power in this sex game therefore lies mostly with women. If they deny consent, unless the men force them, there will be no sex. Additionally, women are designed to be considerably less interested in sex until they have started having it. So, a virgin girl is mostly driven to sex because of curiosity while a virgin boy goes for it out of pure animal hunger. If she held in her curiosity, no males would be running riot with their penises hanging out.

      As I have told you already, especially the first time we talked on Rukia’s post on polyamory, it is unchristian to tell any Christian not to hold everybody to the standard of Christ. Nor does it even make sense if we were to talk purely logically. Would you say the same things about scientific standards? Does everybody believe that the earth is round or that gravity is not some weird force that makes things fly back to earth when they are released from it? Yet, do scientists and other people who believe these things take into account the disbelief of others when they make their calculations and launch satellites and attempt to explore all kinds of things?

      In John 17:2, Jesus claimed that God granted him authority over all people. In Matthew 28:18-20, he claimed to have authority over every last thing in existence and told Christians to go and teach everybody to do what he says. There are several other places where things like that are said in the Bible. While, of course, I do not advocate that Christians start building prisons and developing punishments for deviant behavior from the standards of Christ, they do have the right to call everyone’s attention to those standards and warn them that there will be a day of reckoning for failing to adhere to them. In so far as that is what Frances did here, you were very wrong to tell her that she shouldn’t have done so. And she did do it here.

      July 19, 2016
      • Avatar
        Larz

        Shebi we are quoting Bible which says thou shall not commit adultery, fornication and also says flee from temptation. That men are solicitors does not change the instructions per Bible. If we were talking about muslims, then the conversation might change slightly as more is demanded of women than men.

        Just cause you shared your opinion (which is contrary to mine) in another post doesn’t mean I agree with you. But I will like to remind you that first come the salvation before the santification. That is how I remember it being taught. This post to me is similar to the story of the woman brought forward to Christ for fornication n the pharisee wanted to stone to death. Funny enough, it takes two to fornicate but only the woman was brought forward. Whilst I cant begin to assume I know what went on in Jesus’s mind, I cant help but wonder if even he was disgusted by the hypocrisy of it all. His final words to her was go and sin no more. Not a long lecture but just compassion and salvation (Christ saved her that day). We are unable to find out more about the woman but one thing is for sure, santificantion did not start with her. So if we are going out there to be Christlike to non-Christians, let us go and preach Salvation anf let the Holy Spirit does his santification process. Note that, the only ones I recall Christ condemning in Bible are pharisees who claim to have superior knowledge of God (and so are held to a higher standard). So yes, there are times, we will have the opportunity to correct our fellow Christians if they live a life contrary to what is in the Bible.

        July 19, 2016
        • Avatar
          Od

          I didn’t argue that men have no responsibility. I just explained why the onus is that much on women. Men are responsible not to solicit. Men will be judged for not holding themselves back. Women will be judged for giving in. But if you want comparative judgment, that’s another matter.

          I don’t understand why you think that I think that you should agree with me. I was saying to you that this is a conversation we’re just repeating, a reminder of sorts. I never assume that anyone agrees with me, quite the contrary actually.

          I think I know what you mean about salvation and sanctification. I don’t want to assume about it but all those years ago when we played church and I read everything I could lay hands on about Christianity and religion, I did see this idea that you get saved, then you get sanctified etc. If that’s what you’re referring to, I’ve never, since I finally believed, quite seen any sense in it. The message of salvation is the same message that sanctifies. The two are the same. We don’t get people to be saved first before we worry about their sanctification. To preach salvation to them is to preach repentance and sanctification to them.

          That adultress’s story is a classic appeal. For that reason, I wonder if you have really thought about it. You say the exact same things that everybody else says about it: It was the triumph of Jesus and his love philosophy over the Pharisees and their judgmental self-righteousness. But is that really what happened?

          Was the story about how no one should judge or how we should all ignore other people’s failings because we’re all just as guilty? If it was, what on earth are we doing preaching to anybody and asking them to repent when we still struggle with all kinds of moral challenges and that at Jesus’s own command? It’s contradictory.

          The story was not about welcoming people with open arms and ignoring their sins and “leaving them for the Holy Spirit to sanctify”. Even the father of the prodigal son thought first about giving his son a good bath as soon as he got home. We were called to provoke one another to good works and be watchful for roots of bitterness among ourselves that result in sins like Esau’s when he belittled his birthright. So something else must have been going on there.

          Jesus taught us to attack sin, whether it is in us or in other people. He was manifested, according to the Bible, to destroy the works of the devil. Then he said that we would carry on his works and do even greater things than he did. He gave us the Holy Spirit specifically to teach us and help us in doing it but now, it seems it’s all his job. We just go out and play nice with the world, not speak words of power that the Holy Spirit can work with, because we are the very epitome of compassion. It’s beyond ridiculous.

          Anyway, what Jesus taught the Pharisees there is that eradicating the sin was not their objective, they just wanted to prove that they held the power of life and death and that too was a lie. That was why they couldn’t act. They really had an empty authority because they really did not care about the law. They used it to make themselves overlords in the society.

          About Jesus’s response to the woman specifically, he came to save the lost, not to destroy them. He told her not to sin again. And he released her from condemnation. Do you think that an arrogant person would have got such a reprieve? Jesus cursed whole cities for refusing to repent after he had preached in them and done miracles in them (Matthew 11:20-24). How does that work with your picture of compassion upon the adultress? He did not just have compassion indiscriminately. Or else he would not also curse the Pharisees and the Scribes. He would have also been nice to them. He was merciful to those who sought mercy and crushing to the proud and haughty. If he walked the earth today, believe me you would be attacking him for being so unyielding and hard on “poor sinners” that we should be “leaving for the Holy Spirit to work on”.

          In short, Larz, please, read the Bible. Drop all the ideas you have of what might be in it and just read it. Look what you said about the only people Jesus condemned. Bethsaida, Korazin and Capernaum were not Pharisees. The people Jesus threatened with perishing in Like 13:1-5 were not said to be Pharisees. I beg you to get over this “self-righteousness” phobia that may be blinding you to who Jesus really is and what he has tasked his disciples and children with.

          July 19, 2016
        • Avatar
          Miz B

          @larz, more is demanded of muslim women than men? In this sexual activity business or in something else? Cos if it is the former, you’r wrong o. The commands to guard one’s chastity and keep away from both adultery and fornication covers both sex equally (Q23vs5-6 and Q17vs32). Likewise, sharia punishment for whoever breaks the commandments are same for the 2 sexes, Q24vs2-3 even spells it out in the case of fornicators.

          July 20, 2016
          • Avatar
            Larz

            I am operating on the basis of men being able to marry multiplr wives and women can be punished for tempting men.

            July 21, 2016
          • Avatar
            Miz B

            @Larz, hmmn, you meant as regards to the permissibility of having multiple sexual partners? I agree with u. But you said it yourself, they have to ‘marry’ this women first so in this talk about pre-marital sex….anyway, let’s not drag that out.
            What really brought me back is the 2nd part of your statement “..and women can be punished for tempting men”. Pls could you expatiate on it?

            July 23, 2016
      • Avatar
        Don Flowers

        Nice one OD, I especially like the aptness of it all.

        July 20, 2016
    • Avatar

      What Larz said!! Please make your own post, say it loud and clear!

      July 19, 2016
    • Avatar
      Cavey

      With this comment, dearest @larz you forever have a warm place in my heart.
      I think it’s safe to ask for your email address now, I’m sure the Mr. wouldn’t mind ????

      July 22, 2016
      • Avatar
        larz

        Thanks @cavey. It is safe to ask for my email address 🙂
        I dont like posting personal details on public forums. I notice you are an in-house columnist here- but your profile doesnt have an email address. Can you get my email address off admin? @thetoolsman – can you help?

        July 22, 2016
  • Avatar
    Nonnie

    Well written. I believe we need a little reminding because being sexually-active has become the new norm while the ladies who don’t indulge are looked as weird and archaic.God’s word is still the standard and will never change, we are just the ones that keep trying to adjust His word to suit our situation. His grace is sufficient for us.

    July 19, 2016
    • Avatar
      S

      There is nothing new about this. Single people have been having sex since the beginning of time.

      July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    Nonnie

    @ Larz, I’ll go ahead and assume that this particular article was written specifically to encourage the ladies and the writer was in no way trying to condone or excuse the men. The men are just as guilty, however, if the ladies are a bit more protective of their bodies, the guys might be more inclined to adjust.

    July 19, 2016
    • Avatar
      Victoria

      Yes Larz. The focus was on women. Nowhere was it mentioned that men shouldn’t be held to the same standard. But your point stands. Both men and women have a duty to remain sexually pure.

      July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    Lucy

    I get the whole message of abstinence and sexual purity. Thank you for reinforcing that sex isn’t just an activity, that giving our bodies to another is more than just pleasure and should be within the confines of marriage.

    However, I have never felt slighted because someone asked if I was sexually active or if I was pregnant especially in the hospital setting.

    Oh well, maybe it’s because I am from the medical field and understand the implication of pregnancy in treatment. A doctor or pharmacist asking if you are pregnant is doing that for your own safety. It is the duty of the health professional to get your whole medical history. It is all in a bid to maximise therapy.

    1. You might present with signs and symptoms that depict a certain ailment yet also point to pregnancy. That will result in drug therapy failure due to unnecessary medication for wrong indication.

    2. There are drugs, a lot of them out there, that are contraindicated in pregnancy. They could harm the baby or result in complications.

    3. There are also drugs that are more appropriate (called drug of choice) when treating/managing pregnant women for certain ailments.

    I could go on and on.

    Conclusively, in situations where non-medical folks assume that simply because we are warm-blooded, we are sexually active, let’s not forget that it’s a really perverse world out there.

    Try to repay ignorance with kindness lol.

    For laughs: Yesterday, I told an old fool the school I graduated from and the next thing he wanted to know was the cult I belonged to. Smh. And I’m not even rugged….

    July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    Larz

    @nonnie – in everything else, we expect men to be leaders in a relationship but sex? why cant men be required to take the lead on this? Why cant men be the one to be more protective of their body so the women can adjust?

    Again, my personal preference is that BOTH parties should be held accountable

    July 19, 2016
    • Avatar
      Uche

      Larz. My woman. My everything. Thank you.

      July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    T-girl

    I recently got out of a relationship because I did not want to compromise on my values on premarital sex.
    Thanks for this article.

    July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    Jabz

    This article is preachy, and rather long without being as engaging.

    July 19, 2016
    • Avatar
      S

      My issue with this article is that : By all means be sexually active or not, but don’t attempt to drag those different from you.

      July 19, 2016
      • Avatar
        WaleDelaw

        I know you’re pro “do what you want with your body, it doesn’t define who you are” but If one appreciates that the post was written from a Biblical point of view, that issue won’t be an issue

        July 22, 2016
  • Avatar
    Jade

    Author said she is not judging single ladies but went ahead to insinuate that every single woman having sex is loose and doing it because a few notes were dangled in front of her with this statement “I think it’s unfair to group every woman into the same category and see every woman as a loose one who you can dangle a few naira in front of and you’d have her in your bed by the evening of the same day you met her”.

    That same thing being done to you which you think unfair is what you’re also doing to us single women who are having sex because we choose to do with our bodies what we want.

    I personally do not believe in soul ties or what have yous because even if you marry as a virgin and your husband isnt which is highly probable, wont you still be tied with all the people he slept with prior to you?abi does the sacrament of holy matrimony break all ties?

    July 19, 2016
    • Avatar
      S

      When someone says “Not Judging” it’s exactly because they are judging.

      July 19, 2016
      • Avatar
        JAL

        I am just clicking the like button on all your comments. You have been speaking my mind!

        July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    Lucy

    @Toolsman, please post my comment.

    July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    Abi

    It isn’t easy so I pray that you are able to keep to the promise you have made. You are right about the word of God and what it says about “fleeing”. God tells us to stay away from fornication and it is great that you are honouring that

    I just wanted to say that not every woman who is sexually active is a slut. Not every woman who is sexually active is because he “promised to marry her”. not every woman who is sexually active is being decieved to have sex because of the gifts the guy showers on her.

    Some people are in sexually active relationships because needs are strong , love is strong and controlling Yaself with someone like that is really hard. Not saying it is impossible (the help of the Holy Spirit) BUT it is really hard.

    Just wanted to mention that there are other reasons why woman are sexually active and women are not always the “victim”

    BUT great article, it is encouraging to woman who want to wait / who are waiting

    July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    S

    I’ve had so much trouble with this post. The headache I have is serious.
    1. I am not entirely sure but i think its routine that Doctors ask when last a lady who is ill has seen her period. My mum was ill and went to the doctors, she was asked the same, turns out she was pregnant with my sister. They dont ask because they assume all young girls are sexually active. Its not that deep.
    2. Yes, people assume other people have sex and that’s normal because human beings were wired to have sex. we are sexual beings.
    3. “I understand that yes, the world has gone to rot but not everyone in it has gone to rot with it” I don’t mean to assume but it seems like you’re saying people who have sex are rotten. LOL. okay, Judge ,Jury and Executioner.
    4. You do realize that not every woman who is abstaining from sex is doing it for ‘religious’ reasons right.
    5. “A man who has gotten the legal rights to their bodies – the rights gotten at the altar before God and man.” Women do not need permission from anybody to give their bodies to anybody. It’s your body. You decide what you want to do with it and who you want to give it to.
    6. “See every woman as a loose one who you can dangle a few naira in front of and you’d have her in your bed by the evening of the same day you met her.” Women who have sex on their own terms are loose? Well alright then. The subtle jab at sex-workers is unnecessary. For them sex is an economic service, a means of survival.
    7. “We still have ladies who have understood the truth that sex isn’t merely a skin to skin transaction” For a lot of ladies sex is a just sex and thats perfectly OK. How did we conclude this ‘truth’ that you speak of is rather subjective, its the truth YOU have chosen.
    8. “Sex is a covenant in which soul ties are forged and our bodies…. impure by being joined to one who isn’t our husband.” I’m guessing this is as a result of your religious understanding but you do realize its not the same for everyone right?
    9. “It saddens me that the bodies of ladies have been reduced to a mere commodity” See, dont be sad. We are made to want sex, sex is good, women who chose to have sex on their own terms aren’t commodities. The important thing is choice.
    10. Since when did ‘sex’ = your worth as a woman? Don’t even do that
    11. “Your body is not meant to be a commodity to be sampled everywhere you go.” Perhaps you mean this on a more personal level, because nothing stops a woman from doing what she wants with her body. You seem to be reinforcing the stereotype that a woman has to abound by certain set rules about what she wants to do with her OWN body and i dont subscribe to that. Who says women are ‘meant’ to do anything or not ‘meant to’?
    12. “Eve, He gave her to a man who didn’t just want to take advantage of her body, but wanted to cherish her and love her the right way” Surely you see that this is problematic right.
    13. “de-valuing their bodies” Sex devalues a person?
    14. “Meeting a man online and spending the night with him… Sleeping with him because he said he will marry me” .This is a thing women do, doing stuff because they want something from a man, e.g marriage. Why can’t it just be that you wanted have sex because you want it and enjoy it, why does there have to be a guilt trip attached? Nah…
    Lastly,
    THE LEVEL OF ACTIVITY OF YOUR SEX LIFE DOESNT DIMINISH YOUR ‘WORTH’ AS A WOMAN.

    July 19, 2016
    • Avatar

      Thank you so much for this detailed checking. This article was just too judgy, the author couldn’t mask their disdain for the rotten, loose sex-having women (why only women tho).

      Can we do away with this idea that a woman’s worth is linked to her vagina? Sex or the lack of it does not reduce or add “value” to a woman (or a man).

      July 19, 2016
    • Avatar
      Max

      God bless you for this comment.
      I couldn’t stand the tone or the message of this article, especially because the writer’s justification is a religious one.

      We all need to realize that life is choice, and you cannot equate your values to others.

      It is a type of hubris, to pass judgement on another person’s actions. We are all guilty of something or the other.
      Since we’re talking Bible, the writer should realize pride is an abomination to God.
      Say what you want, preach merits and de-merits, but leave judgement out of it.

      July 19, 2016
    • Avatar
      Uche

      Cosigned

      July 19, 2016
    • Avatar
      Od

      (2) So, if someone never had sex all their lives, they would live an unfulfilled life or a meaningless existence?

      (3) You know, you could simply ask her to prove that everyone having illicit sex is rotten, right? Screaming “judgy” does exactly nothing for the discussion.

      (4) I think she does realize that. What’s your point though?

      (5) Proof of ownership?

      (6) Assassins also kill as an economic service. What’s your point?

      (7) Where is your proof that truth is subjective?

      (8) And how is her religious understanding wrong or inapplicable to everyone?

      (9) Who or what made us to want sex? How are such women not commodities? What makes choice important at all?

      (10) Why shouldn’t she do that?

      (11) You contradict yourself. You say in one breath that we are made to want and have sex, then you say in the next that there are no rules and who decided what women are meant or not meant to do. Which is it? Are there rules or are there not? Where is your proof for either?

      Also, proof of ownership, right? Do provide it in your response.

      (12) Perhaps she does, but I certainly don’t. Could you explain how that statement is problematic?

      (13) Good question. It does if you do it the wrong way, just like driving a machine like a car the wrong way can reduce you to a wheelchair or a casket. Proof is in the psychological damage that results many times from even consensual sex. Suicides have resulted from emotional damage because of sexual predatoriness. Irresponsible parenting. Broken children who later become criminals and sociopaths. These are all examples of reduction in value. People have also become murderers and professional failures as a result of irresponsible sex.

      (14) Perhaps because women are naturally driven to demand something in exchange for their bodies. That is a plausible answer at least, isn’t it?

      “Lastly, THE LEVEL OF ACTIVITY OF YOUR SEX LIFE DOESN’T DIMINISH YOUR ‘WORTH’ AS A WOMAN.”

      Prove it.

      July 19, 2016
      • Avatar
        Max

        You sound so annoying, Od.
        Sorry, that was petty.

        But really, you request for proof for who to judge? And you submit empty and unnecessary counter factuals with few supportive points.

        Argumentative without being informative, that’s the summary of your comments.

        July 19, 2016
        • Avatar
          Od

          Um, my post is argumentative without being informative but yours did what exactly? I mean, what exactly did you accomplish here? What value did you add to the discussion exactly? Did somebody tell you that your pleasure was my business that I should be careful of annoying you here?

          July 19, 2016
      • Avatar
        Snow

        Prove it!! PROVE IT!!! Prove it!!
        Where’s your proof? Prove it!!

        Lmaoo. This is extremely petty

        It’s not everytime one says something in response to what they disagree it. When there is nothing to say, move ahead.

        Which one is; prove it!!

        This isn’t you being a jerk (you said we think of each other as such) this is just plain raw pettiness.

        Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing

        Posted from TNC Mobile

        July 21, 2016
        • Avatar
          Od

          Petty? You really think asking someone to make a real argument rather than hurling their prejudice around is being petty? Why would you think that? How is it petty to ask for proof in an intellectual exchange?

          July 21, 2016
      • Avatar
        Mariama

        In defense of 1-15 of S’ comment, especially 9.

        Many women choose to have sex and make love, because they WANT to, and when they do, they SHARE their bodies as GIFTS just as they receive the gift of the bodies of their sexual partners. Women are not only just sexual as men, they can also be solicitors of sex. This is what the article gets wrong

        A grown up person should have let go of the ‘men only want sex from you’ reprimand. You never graduate from primary school? The spite you harbor for and judgement you level on women who go out there and get what they want, does not make you worthy. What does is you knowing what you want and getting it when you want to. You cannot be better by stepping on others’ dignity.

        Are women’s bodies commodified? Yes, of course. Women may choose to exchange it for money, other forms of wealth, and even more socially acceptable, for the security and respect that marriage affords them. How many women are rushing into marriage with some unknown only because they are approaching the age when they are no longer marriageable? So before you go around labeling people as commodities, try to ask yourself how you are not one or trying to be one yourself. The effrontery and nonsense of your comment is boundless.

        July 21, 2016
      • Avatar
        Eby akhigbe

        Od I see your numerous points but many people don’t and might never, relax you’re not did you can’t please everyone and you’re definitely not Christ….. Just chill. Thanks about if energy you invest in your comments could be channeled elsewhere (like praying).
        Life is easy.
        Let’s leave it at that.
        God bless you like crazy

        July 21, 2016
    • Avatar
      JAL

      Like I said, imma gonna keep hitting the like button wherever I see your comments.

      July 19, 2016
    • Avatar
      Cavey

      Thank you for this, S!

      July 22, 2016
  • Avatar
    dahnae

    Dear S, you perception and critique is so on point. I need to hug you asap.

    July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    Od

    You have done well, Frances. Keep doing what you have just done.

    Granted that the pregnancy question and the period question are both legitimate because a doctor has to be sure in order to decide how to proceed with treating an ailing woman, if we all kept to the right moral code of avoiding sex until marriage, doctors would not have to ask that at all if the woman said she is single. But of course we live in a world full of rebels against God so they have to ask to be sure.

    Stand strong in the Grace of Christ and keep calling to those passing by. Maybe someone will hear and come.

    July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    Blaqlotus

    “So it’s simply wrong for the world to group all single ladies into the category of ladies who are eating the forbidden fruit and as such, you can hit on her – even in the office – and expect her to give into your advances because “she does it anyway”. – A man hitting on you even at the office, doesn’t necessary mean he’s doing so because he thinks you’re having sex. You think he wouldn’t hit on you even if he found out you were a virgin?

    “I think it’s unfair to group every woman into the same category and see every woman as a loose one who you can dangle a few naira in front of and you’d have her in your bed by the evening of the same day you met her.” – Not every one is having sex for money nne, some are doing it for love and passion. Don’t make it seem like the only reason single women have sex is because of money.

    You have also grouped men as chauvinist who only want to be with you because of sex, are only having sex with single ladies because they pay for it and have no respect for single ladies having sex.
    On a side note, you probably should check yourself.

    July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    Funmi O

    I completely agree that women’s sexuality is not something that should be assumed but I think this article is conflating two things.

    Men feeling entitled to women’s bodies is not related to women’s decisions to be sexually active or not. You’ve said it yourself – you are not about that life, yet you get spoken to and propositioned as if you are. Presumptuous, ignorant or sexist people will be presumptuous, ignorant or sexist whether you’re a virgin or a sex worker.

    I also think it’s important to point out that you may be contradicting yourself without realising. You’re arguing against women treating their bodies like commodities but the idea of locking up your sexuality until a man acquires the “legal rights” to it implies ownership. If you’re trading your sexuality for a ring, it is a commodity. Your price just happens to be different.

    July 19, 2016
    • Avatar
      Od

      Good points. I think that it is more correct to say that sex is offered too cheaply unless it is offered in marriage. There will always be a price for it.

      If something is given away too cheaply though, the deficit will demand filling from something and that is usually how psychological damage results.

      About men’s entitlement, the truth of it is this: a virgin is a conquest for men generally. There is something about being the first to get in there that makes men proud. So, there is a generally unconscious value placed on virgins that is higher than what we place on non-virgins. For us, a woman who has given in once without getting married is fair game. There is the “why him and not me?” feeling that drives the men who proposition a woman with the idea that she is experienced already in sex. It’s completely instinctive as far as I know.

      July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    JoyGirl

    Every girl/woman of reproductive age who presents sick in a hospital is pregnant until proven otherwise and that’s the best approach for reasons too numerous to mention. It doesn’t matter if you’re single or not. No smart doctor will fail to ask you about your last menstrual period so you better not let that upset you or else you’d be upset forever. I think you should just stick with the religious part.

    July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    Max

    I don’t understand this approach at all.

    Are you trying to shame women into being re-virginated?
    Shame!

    July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    Jeff

    At times, we Christians paint God to be this kind of person carrying a cane and waiting to flog us each time we sin. I am not against this article, but I feel the writer pushed too much as to hasten every girl up to stop having sex. In my opinion, if you’re having sex, do it for the right reasons with the right person. We should’nt just let the products of our burdened-thoughts put a burden on others. There is a subtle way around it…

    July 19, 2016
    • Avatar
      Abi

      @jeff hey please see my comment below. Forgot to mention you

      July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    Abi

    I agree with you . Wasn’t sure how to explain my thoughts cos I am Christain too. the focus on sex in the church is too too much. It’s crazy. and the way many young Christains see sex is weird to me.

    You see many Christains rush into marriage because they realize how hard it is to wait and then, they get married for the wrong reasons and feel locked-in.

    People act like sex is the most ultimate sin and push some sort of fear to young people. Perhaps the writer is under such fear too. The decision to wait is something I respect and it’s honouring to God. But I don’t think it should be done out of fear/ feeling condemned.

    They automatically view a girl who is more “open minded” as the ultimate sinner and yes, she must be having sex cos she is a slut or he promised her marriage lol. This might be coming from lack of exposure, I do not know.

    Anyways, you clearly articulated some of my thoughts.

    July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    Jeff

    Nicely said pal… I could’nt agree more… There are a lot of girls out there with feeble minds and with this, “anything goes”. As much as we see premarital sex as a reproach before God (according to biblical teachings), we should’nt sound as if we are outrightly condemned when we do it or those that are doing it are outrightly condemned as well. We are all making a conscious effort, and i’m certain that God knows this. It’s not that easy.

    July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    Jeff

    @Abi I don’t agree less

    July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    Olayinka

    I am sexually active and judge me as rotten all you want but ma, sex is fucking awesome when you have it in the right frame of mind. It’s beautiful and pleasurable and I proudly own it.
    All this preaching and judgmental conclusions and opinions of yours will simply remain what they are; irrelevant. All you managed to do here is to paint sex in the most bizarre picture as if sex in marriage brings some special benefits with it. Married people are all over still fucking other people while still married to their spouses so why is sex only okay in marriage? Because you vowed to fuck only one person in front of some people for the rest of your life? If marriage is so important in relation to sex then why do we get sexual urges even as children? Why can’t the sexual urge be activated on the wedding night? And are you aware that some people contract their marriages in marriage registries and not before God?
    There has never been a time in my life that one of the men I slept with ever tried to shame me over sex. Like how will he do that? I don’t hide the fact that I’m sexually active. My parents know. My friends know. What shame can anyone ever make me feel from having consensual adult sex with another sane adult? If anything, they come back begging for more. My value is tied to everything but my vagina ma. I’m a qualified lawyer with a job. I go to court and argue serious cases against stronger side and come out victorious. That’s what makes me proud. I stand for the rights of people as much as I can everywhere and that’s something that has become a reputation for me. I’m proud of that. I make a lively and brilliant company and make my parents proud because as a first child, I have never embarrassed my family.
    I am not ashamed of my sex life. I enjoy every fuck I get. You don’t have to be sexually active but please stop judging me for choosing to enjoy a natural activity.

    July 19, 2016
    • Avatar

      “I enjoy every fuck I get.” This made my day please!

      July 19, 2016
    • Avatar
      Damilola.

      you sound so defensive though… could it be because you know you’re doing something (infact, several things) wrong yet choosing to give off this i dont care vibe? sex is wrong outside of marriage. you know, i know. but you are choosing to attack her because she brought her perspective from a religious angle? smh. not nice.

      July 20, 2016
      • Avatar
        Olayinka

        I am being defensive. Isn’t that obvious enough? The post may not be directed at me in particular but seeing as I am sexually active of my own accord, I chose to defend my actions especially in order to show that I am not ashamed of what I’m doing.
        See, some of us don’t subscribe to religious morals especially when it seems unhelpful as in this case. I am not hurting anyone by having consensual sex. Seeing as I’m not bound by what the bible says about pre-marital sex, I shouldn’t have to agree to be lumped into a ‘never do well’ group because I’m having sex.
        I know it is hard for you to imagine that it is possible to not feel guilty over an act religion terms as a sin but darling, that’s the case for me. I feel zero guilt. My morals are not determined by religion.

        July 20, 2016
    • Avatar
      Frankie

      Huh?

      July 21, 2016
    • Avatar
      WaleDelaw

      Hmm… Colleague of life. Well done Ma ????????????????. Point noted, but I think people are being too hard on the writer. She wrote from a Christian’s view and her opinions may seem apt if construed in that light . No vex na.

      July 22, 2016
    • Avatar
      plumberry

      tiri gbosa for @olayinka …There is nothing to add.

      By the way, i havent had some in over 2yrs and some change. My reason for staying away has nothing to do with religion…i just dnt feel like giving my body to anyone for now and selecting my ex as delicious as that sounds is a no no….i can already imagine the devilish smile on his face with that stupid okafors law he will spew.

      July 22, 2016
    • Avatar

      Hello ma @olayinka the dear writer is advertising Jesus and not religion. I don’t think she’s judging you to be fair. She is just trying to tell you how she has tasted Jesus and He is sweeter and satisfies more than sex. At least you have a choice to even ask her how she’s experiencing this Jesus and how he has satisfied her so much she would rather spend life loving him than settling for less or anything outside His will.

      If you experience Jesus and don’t like what he gives, there’s something called free will but I doubt there’s anyone who has tasted the real thing and ever turned back. On the other hand, as you expressed, your genitals do not define your self worth, but even certification doesn’t. The above writer is a lawyer as well.

      Even Paul in the bible had so many things to brag about but when he found Jesus he came to realize it was all dung and bowed. So I do hope you have a great insurance you can hang on to just in case the earthly things do not work out anymore. For that’s what they are. They are things that expire and it would be wise to hang on to something that doesn’t like Jesus and the life He gives.

      If certificates and jobs and sex satisfies then the world wouldn’t be in chaos right now would it? So, I do hope you can see that the young lady was only trying to reach out in love and express how she wouldn’t want others to experience what she went through in the past and save them loads of headache.

      Jesus loves you. xo!

      July 22, 2016
      • Avatar
        Olayinka

        Thanks Itunu.

        July 22, 2016
  • Avatar
    Olayinka

    @thetoolsman- please approve my comment o.

    July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    thetoolsman

    Im just happy a lot more women came out to comment on this post 🙂

    July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    Butterflymind

    I’m just happy reading the many different opinions on this post 🙂

    July 19, 2016
  • Avatar

    I hate that when I’m sick I’m asked first if I am pregnant. But the truth is, I realized it’s not the question in itself that bothers me, it’s the tone that lines it, the accusation in it. I wish you had focused more on that, than sex being about “letting a man into your holies of holies”. Because as many readers have pointed out earlier, sex doesn’t always mean you are offering yourself to a man to use. If you want to do it, all’s I have to say is BE SAFE.

    I admire your ability to be celibate for 5 years, it’s highly commendable. But that does not give you the right to be critical of those who cannot or simply don’t want to.

    That said, nice write up!

    July 19, 2016
  • Avatar

    Well done dear @Frances! I appreciate the message you have shared, and don’t be surprised that it is offensive to the worldly. Keep it up!

    Cheers, Ufuoma.

    July 19, 2016
    • Avatar
      Sparks and Tingles

      “…to the worldy.” Take it easy with the judgement Sister, nor be all of us dey quote bible here?

      July 19, 2016
      • Avatar

        I find it interesting that you would make a case against me for saying that her message is offensive to the worldly. Sorry…who else would it be offensive to? Christians?

        Christians cannot be offended by her message because they would AGREE with her and support her and not accuse her of judging people. She has only spoken as a true believer in Jesus, and certainly, if you are offended, it is only because the truth has judged you – not her! Jesus said that He didn’t come to condemn but to save, but the one who doesn’t accept His message – the very words He spoke will judge them on the last day (John 12:48)! It is the truth that judges you, and you are convicted because she has spoken the truth and I have affirmed it.

        If you didn’t believe in God, why should you care whether or not she is judging you? If it was not the truth concerning you, then why make an issue of me saying the worldly would be offended. What are Christians allowed to say now?

        Anyway, let me leave you with the truth and your conscience to deal with it. Sexual immorality is contrary to Christ, and anyone who calls on the name of Christ should not partake in such. I am no judge of anyone.

        Cheers, Ufuoma.

        July 19, 2016
        • Avatar
          D

          It is offensive to some Christians, except you think your understanding of Christianity is better than others. Like it is written in the Bible, do not judge.

          If the someone wants to have sex and still be a christian, do not judge. You are only allowed that control over your own life. Key words- your own life. Not even your kids’ lives. Just yours. Even the act of classifying someone as sexually immoral is judging. Just live your life according to your understanding of your bible and you would have gone a step closer to what it recommends.

          July 19, 2016
          • Avatar
            Od

            This is so incredibly hilarious that I wonder if you didn’t really mean to be funny. The absurdity here is rank. Why exactly do we bother with judicial systems if this is such a good philosophy, pray tell? What are schools teaching these days, for heaven’s sake?

            July 19, 2016
          • Avatar
            D

            @od Read the comment again and read your Bible, which seems to be your guide from all I have read here from you. Most Christians are so used to living double standards they cannot tell the the difference. When you do that you have the answer to your question. Please do not misinterpret this a laugh-off of your question; your question is rather deep and with proper insight from the previous comment you would have your answer.

            About what schools are teaching these days I would have to ask my kids.

            July 20, 2016
          • Avatar

            1 Cor 5:11-13
            But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.
            For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within?
            But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.

            1 Cor 6:9-11
            Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,
            Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.
            And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.

            1 Cor 6:18-20
            Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
            What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
            For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.

            2 Tim 2:19
            Nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are his. And, Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity.

            July 20, 2016
        • Avatar
          thetoolsman

          Sigh.. I tried and really tried but I had to step in here to remind you of some things I thought we had discussed and agreed on on previous posts on this same platform.

          1. Christians cannot be offended by her message – have you looked through this comment section? I once asked about christianity and doctrines and what not. Yes, you will probably say those are hypocrites or whatever but it’s their decision. They call themselves christians, they serve God, believe in Jesus, read the same bible but choose to interpret it a certain way different from you – except you’re claiming to be all knowing or there’s an absolute way you can prove that your interpretation is correct (order than asking God himself to come down to tell us), then you should probably not assume.

          2. if you are offended – it is only because the truth has judged you: I am christian and I felt the pain of the so called ‘worldly’ here. Why? Because generalisations and assumptions like this paints christianity in a certain light and doesn’t help the propagation of the gospel at all. When you’re in a public space, you can’t make blanket statements – the author did not specifically say this post was written only for Christians and so, we can only assume she wanted the worldly to read it, she wanted to address them too but you know what, they wont believe in the same God you serve. You can’t hold them to your standards. If you’re going to talk to everyone, you can’t base your conversations on beliefs we all do not share. Heck even as average human beings we all do not share the same moral codes so to some extent someone who grew up in some twisted environment can question any global or generally accepted moral standard like “not eating human flesh” or something like that.

          3. If you didn’t believe in God, why should you care whether or not she is judging you? – They should because this is a public space and the author did not categorically say this post is only for believers. It’s the same way you’d feel judged if your boss at work suddenly starts speaking to you in a certain way in public simply because you’re christian. Am I saying you shouldn’t try to spread your gospel? Hell no. Thats what we are tasked to do as christians but the bible talks about sending you as sheep to the midst of wolves and how you need to apply wisdom. You will NEVER convince anyone to believe in your God if you start off judging them. How do you think the story of Jesus and the harlot would have played out if he had started off by calling her what she was?

          We are all human beings and if we are being truthful with ourselves, the christianity journey in our current world is far from easy. However, you don’t want to project this to those who haven’t met Christ even before they get the opportunity – everyone’s take on a subject will forever be different. Jesus called all his disciples but they all ended up having very different experiences. Your task is to bring people to Christ and leave them to be judged by their maker – it’s hard enough getting through this world on your own as a Christian not to now talk of taking on the role of judge Judy as well. I could have written this exact same piece in a totally different way and added a link at the bottom for people interested in experiencing a different life through Christ and I can bet my fingers on the fact that more people would have clicked that link – that my dear friend is the wisdom our bible talks about. It’s not always a take it or leave it thing because with that attitude, the gospel wont go far fast enough and that’ll only delay the return of Jesus no?

          July 20, 2016
          • Avatar
            Miz

            Hi, I tried…I really tried to just read and move on but I couldn’t.

            I’m not going to go into whether I agree or disagree with what anyone here has said; I would, however, like to suggest that you be more “aware” of the message being sent when you choose to leave certain comments. There are a number of times you have been silent when some parties have been quite rude when addressing other peoples beliefs yet when some people speak you are unable to stop yourself.

            I understand it may be difficult balancing your role as an Admin with the urge to respond like other readers would. I suggest you consider simply referring to other people who have already voiced your opinion and leaving it at that (for instance, Funmi O and Larz were quite civil and convincing in their comments); or you fairly and equally respond to every side in a discussion.

            My suggestions….you don’t have to take them. I just feel it may help in preventing you from seeming like you are taking sides in a discussion (which is not a very good look for an Admin)

            July 20, 2016
          • Avatar
            thetoolsman

            Hi there.. Thanks for the comment… A quick correction. I have not been the admin of this platform for over 4 years now. Yes, I founded it and I’m still involved albeit more on the business side and as an in-house columnist but I chose not to get handson with day to day activities so as to prevent such situations. And perhaps this is why you seem to believe there an instances I have been silent in the past when some parties were “rude” to others. The site admins take care of that and we have clearly spelt out guidelines. Moreover, the bone of contention here really has nothing to do with the community rules. It’s a simple debate for which admin or not, I get to have my opinion (one which has been consistent on such subjects if I must add) quite like Funmi or any other in-house columnist. If for whatever reason what I think you implied in your comment is right, then this post probably would have never made it onto the site.

            Thank you again for the comment and please I’m really interested in any instance you feel people were being rude and it wasn’t addressed. I try my best to read every single post on this platform but with our growth it’s not easy so we rely on community members like yourself to bring such instances to our attention.

            July 20, 2016
          • Avatar
            Miz

            Hi hi,

            Thanks for clearing up the Admin part……my focus wasn’t on the community rules, my focus was on you appearing to take sides and you being aware that you’re sending a message to readers when you do decide to make comments.

            Like you stated, you started this platform and people attach significance to the things you write (whether you know it or not). With this in mind, if and when you decide to comment you should try and do so without making it seem like you are part of any particular camp. Yes, your columnists and other Admin may jump in but you’re in charge and you should be aware of the effect of your comments.

            So, on people who have been rude, it’s in the past, we move on….on people who will be rude, I’m sure your Admin will spot them and handle accordingly….on you making comments that seem to take sides, I will let you know as soon as I see one again!

            July 20, 2016
          • Avatar
            thetoolsman

            I’m still a bit confused about this taking sides business. If there’s a debate, I’m either for or against so there will always be a side taken. However what I’m absolutely sure I make clear in my comments is that they are not personal – I don’t even know most of the community members personally anyways. For instance, the same OD I constantly disagree with on religious topics, I’ve come to agree with on a few other posts here on other topics. And I do know some particularly look out for my comments which is why I comment less and less nowadays and even when I do, I try not to comment early enough so an not to sway the direction of the conversation. At the end of the day this culture change business isn’t easy, we all learn new things everyday so I’m far from perfect. Please, if now or in future you see me comment in a way you think I’m taking sides, please let me know. Thanks.

            July 20, 2016
          • Avatar
            Jade

            Well said, remember the post about the girl who wanted to commit suicide and went to the club for a last hurrah? A brother in the club had a conversation with her and led her to christ. he neither judged nor condemned her but was christ-like in his approach to her which is what christianity should be anyway

            July 20, 2016
          • Avatar
            Miz

            It’s possible to hold a different opinion and present it as an individual and not seem like you are part of a group against someone’s idea. If you are still confused then it is probably something you do unconsciously…don’t worry, I will let you know if/when it happens again! 🙂

            July 20, 2016
          • Avatar

            Dear @thetoolsman,

            You must know that challenging you on this forum is going to be tough for anybody. Particularly for someone like me currently enjoying your graces to post on this site. But I push on, recognising that my status here is on the line, because I think you are quite wrong about your assessment of this post, and about my comment, if you think that we are judging the world…or anyone for that matter. I’m sorry in advance that this is long.

            As Christians, we – you and me – are supposed to follow Jesus Christ. Do we agree on that?

            As Christians, we not only follow Him, but He is our LORD, as well as our Saviour. Are we in agreement?

            As Christians, we are to obey Jesus as Lord, not only as an expression of our awe and respect, but also as an expression of our love for Him and His ways. I hope we do agree on this too.

            Jesus promised His Spirit to those who obey Him, who by so doing, show that they love Him (John 14:23). There is no other condition for receiving the Spirit. If you say you believe and do not obey, James says that your faith is as good as non-existent (James 2:14-26). So, you can’t say you are saved by faith, if you have a non-existent faith! The evidence that we have faith, and that we love Jesus, is that we obey Him (or at least try to!).

            Now, if we have the Spirit of Christ, we also have the Spirit of Truth. As Christians, we also believe that Jesus is the ONLY Way, the ABSOLUTE Truth and the ETERNAL (and abundant) Life. It isn’t maybe Jesus or also Jesus… it is ONLY JESUS SAVES.

            The Bible also says anyone who doesn’t have the Spirit of Christ (and Truth) is not His (Romans 8:9). So we know that if we do not obey Jesus, we do not love Jesus. If we do not love Jesus, He won’t come and make His home with us, by giving us His Spirit. And if we do not have His Spirit, we are not His. We are not Christian. There is no debate here.

            We may talk Christian. We may go to Church and act Christian. But like the verse I quoted said; “The Lord knoweth them that are his. And, Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity” (2 Tim 2:19). Jesus says that it is those who CONTINUE in His word that are truly His disciples (John 8:31), and that not all who call Him Lord are His followers (Matt 7:21-23)!

            I won’t be the one to tell you or anybody here whether or not they are Christian. The Word of Truth does that without my help. When we speak the truth, people who are disobedient to it tend to get offended. It is just a fact of life. It is called having a conscience. If you are offended by the truth, PRAISE GOD, it means there is hope for repentance. Paul says that we each need to “examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Can’t you see for yourselves that Jesus Christ is in you — unless you actually fail the test?” (2 Cor 13:5). Another translation says, “unless you are reprobates”.

            The BIG issue with my first comment is that I said that the worldly would be offended. Now, you are telling me that as a Christian Brother, who isn’t worldly apparently, you were also offended. Pray tell why and how? If you also believe in the Bible, and know that it tells us as Christians quite clearly to FLEE FROM SEXUAL IMMORALITY, why would another Christian writing that, and owning her beliefs as a Christian, be offensive to you or any Christian?

            If it is offensive to the world, that it only because of the nature of the world, which is contrary to the truth. Paul tell us that “…the mind of the flesh is hostile to God: It does not submit to God’s Law, nor can it do so” (Roman 8:7). Unless they are renewed in their mind, they can not appreciate holiness. Also, the message of the Cross is offensive to the world, yet we must preach it – to them!!! That perhaps they will move from offense, to conviction, to repentance and then to salvation…and thereafter to obedience. We preach the Cross to the world, and we teach and admonish Believers to obey the Truth.

            I can’t speak for who the writer’s audience was, but I got the impression that she was appealing to others who claim to profess the same faith in Christ to obey Him by keeping themselves holy. And even if she hoped to convict the world of sin, by exposing the lies around promiscuity, what is so wrong with that? She is speaking the truth, and you as a Believer, with the Spirit of Truth, should recognise the Truth and the need for it to be spoken, and will not accuse her of judging…unless you are in fact worldly, and quite like to keep your worldly affiliations by not being ‘too Christian’.

            @Od has said elsewhere that we seem happy for people to say their views on almost any topic, even when it is contrary to Christian beliefs. Their views are not met with instant condemnation, even if people may express disagreement, whether their disagreement arises from their Faith or just their life stance. But it seems Christians cannot even share our views on issues without being accused of judging. Why is that? Because Jesus’ command not to judge seems to be the most popular among the worldly. That and love your neighbour – not God by the way. They disregard, of course, Jesus’ counsel to “make a righteous judgement” (John 7:24) and also Paul’s teaching, which I also quoted under this post to “judge those WITHIN the Church!”

            So, I am still at a loss at how I have done any wrong in either my first comment, or my supporting comment, which you have sought to address. How have I misrepresented Christ? Do you think LOVE does not judge? The God who loves you and sinners, will He not soon judge the unrighteous??? Do you not know that Believers will also judge the world (1 Cor 6:1-3)??? Should we not be bold about speaking the truth – and yes, with love? My Sister, Frances, did that.

            You can’t please the world, because the world is at odds with God. No matter what candy-coated way you come at it, they will still tell you you are judging. So if your approach is to say nothing at all…you are denying Christ, and He says that He will deny you too. We are commanded to teach others what Christ taught us, to preach the Word, in and out of season. Let the chips fall where they lie. Let people be offended. And let God be glorified.

            So, each person should examine their motives here… Is it to justify ourselves or to glorify the God we claim to love and fear?

            Sincerely, Ufuoma.

            July 20, 2016
          • Avatar
            thetoolsman

            Sigh … And this is one time I actually sighed in real life too.
            Maybe I should have commented as a neutral and not a christian, maybe you would have understood why with an open public platform like TNC, it is important to consider everyone’s interests regardless of who they are, where they came from or what they believe in. If because of that, you don’t think I’m a christian, then fine – at the end of the day, it’s still your standards based on your interpretation of the law. It took a while before I could get OD to understand so I wont push this further. I will save my response to you possibly for a time when Im privileged to have a face to face conversation with you just so things aren’t lost in words. However, I need to clear up some extremely important points you raised.

            1. You used the word “challenge” and I must say it made me feel uncomfortable. This isn’t a battle field. Dialogue or even respectful debating is how I see it and I do it with a lot of people here from time to time.
            2. Your submissions are published not by anyone’s grace but simply because they are good enough and they meet clearly set standards. There are many opinions expressed in posts here that I disagree with – even from our in-house columnists. If the system was designed in a way that I could influence it, those posts will probably not get published.

            July 20, 2016
          • Avatar

            Hi @thetoolsman,

            Thanks for your kind response. I just have a few points to address regarding your last comment.

            First of all, thanks for the vote of confidence concerning my contributions on the site. I know that you have delegated the responsibility of screening posts to your Team, but your influence remains. I was once a contributor on another site, where I freely expressed my Christian views. Granted it was a Christian site. However, when I expressed the view that the Bible is not infallible, the owner of the site over-looked it, until another Christian sought to brand me a heretic, and we have a long back and forth over it. Eventually, my contributions were no longer appreciated. I imagine that in a situation that you and I or perhaps another one of your team came to heads over an issue, I would also be facing the door. But if I’m wrong, I’m glad to be. I don’t seek to be confrontational, I just defend the truth I know like my life depends on it.

            The only reason I am still writing comments on this thread is because of the challenge to my simple supportive comment to my Sister in Christ. You and others may notice that I am not big on posting opposing comments on posts, but mainly post in support of others. I reserve my teaching for my own published contributions, which I am glad is currently regular. Thank you very much. I am also of the view that unbelievers need to first appreciate the Cross before they can submit to Christ, and so I would never comment on a post by an unbeliever as though they were a Christian, who should know better.

            On the issue of the use of the word “challenge”… I meant it as a verb, not a noun. I am aware this isn’t a contest. The definition of challenge as a verb is “dispute the truth or validity of…” something. I got that from Google. You challenged my use of worldly. And I challenged your premise and understanding.

            On the issue of this being “an open public platform like TNC, it is important to consider everyone’s interests regardless of who they are, where they came from or what they believe in”, may I call bull on that statement? When someone writes a post about cheating and why they cheat, or write a post on their promiscuity or expresses their views against the Church and religion, they are NOT considering everyone’s interests regardless of who they are or what they believe in. They are expressing their minds. And they are allowed to, because on TNC, you are allowed to “express you”. Christians are among your readers and contributors, and we should also be allowed to express us…without having to tip toe around people’s feelings! The comment section is to iron issues out…the post is to present your perspective.

            On the issue of what I think about your Christianity… Let’s just say that’s of little or no relevance. What is important is what you think and believe…and what God knows to be true! You should be concerned about if Christ would acknowledge your faith as anything, and if He would say to you on the last day… “come blessed of my Father” or not. Each of us ought to work out our faith with fear and trembling, not with complacency. My relationship to you as a fellow Believer is to encourage you, to inspire you, to edify you, to rebuke you…with love, that we may both be found faithful when Christ returns. And I would hope you would do the same for me.

            And finally, on the issue of us continuing a debate on this issue of how to communicate our Faith without coming out as judgmental, face to face… I don’t really know how I feel about it. I’m excellent with writing (even if I say so myself), and I speak well enough too, but I don’t quite articulate myself so well face to face. You might have me at a loss. And it might actually get more heated, because some things that ought to be filtered will be said, and they can’t be taken back (unlike the benefits of writing, where you read through and edit before you publish). I would much rather just drop the matter, because I don’t know how I can better articulate myself. If however you wish to continue, you have my private email address, and I will kindly oblige.

            Thanks again for this avenue, and keep up the good job of administration!

            Sincerely, Ufuoma.

            July 20, 2016
          • Avatar
            thetoolsman

            Im quite enjoying this because I believe such debates not only help to educate but hopefully help us in our quest to drive culture change. However for the sake of organisation, I think we need another space to really trash out this issue and I already have some ideas. That being said, this isn’t the first or second time we have had a debate over a topic here and since then you’ve gone on to publish several posts and pretty much nailed down a column on Sundays so again, let go of the stereotypes, this organisation was set up to change such mindsets and that will never change.

            Now, I need to address this statement you made:

            “When someone writes a post about cheating and why they cheat, or write a post on their promiscuity or expresses their views against the Church and religion, they are NOT considering everyone’s interests”

            This is probably why I suggested a face to face conversation because for some reason you still don’t get the crux of the issue here. This is an open platform quite like Facebook, Twitter or whatever. Christians and non christians use it. I have fought against pressure from first generation community members asking us to censor content because it goes against the very vision behind this platform.

            Now when posts go up, the expectation is that the engagement happens in the comment section just like we are doing now. If a post is considered inciteful, it won’t even be published in the first place. Please show me one of such posts from “non-christians” where you or any of the other Christians here commented saying the post made you feel uncomfortable and as a result, you were attacked/criticised or whatever.

            From what I’ve noticed, the issue usually arises when you try to judge the person by your standards/beliefs. You can express your displeasure or even criticise a post or say it makes you feel uncomfortable because your beliefs are different but the moment you cross the line to judge or say this person is XYZ or that person should be ABC because of YOUR beliefs which they don’t share, that amounts to judging.

            You made this statement in this thread “if you are offended – it is only because the truth has judged you”… yet we couldn’t even agree on who a Christian is and I’m sure we probably have different views on what the “truth” is too. Again, if you can show me a post with a similar example where a non-christian made a similar statement on this platform that wasn’t as a result of the christian judging in the first place then we can start another conversation on me being wrong and how we can work together to update our community rules to prevent such from happening again.

            And this isn’t only about religious topics, occasionally, I have had to make the same calls on non-religious posts (check the recent posts we had on feminism) because I noticed a similar trend there. Whether we like it or not, religion or not, most African cultures are naturally judgy. For us it’s mostly, “because you do this, therefore you are that”. I think we just lack that open-mindedness and it has restricted our growth significantly but thats topic for another day. The target here is to encourage RESPECT FOCUSED dialogue regardless of the people involved and the topic. Hopefully we can achieve this not just on this platform but our entire society.

            July 21, 2016
          • Avatar

            Hi @thetoolsman

            I don’t know if it was you who did it, but someone has deleted the last communication between us. Your last comment to me and me response to you have been deleted. I wonder why that is?

            Was this an accident?

            July 20, 2016
          • Avatar

            Dear @thetoolsman

            I really hope I could say I was enjoying this as much as you…but honestly, I’m not. I think it’s rather tiring, but I will strive to make some heard way nonetheless.

            First of all, I think your standards are unequal. You are asking me to “show [you] one of such posts from “non-christians” where [I] or any of the other Christians here commented saying the post made [me] feel uncomfortable and as a result, [I was] attacked/criticised or whatever”, but I feel that is an unreasonable request for me, as simply a Contributor. You are better placed as an admin, because you are more likely to filter comments and screen comments and posts. I simply read SOME posts, and comment on only FEW that I read, usually in agreement with the authours, and rarely to challenge the authour, even though what they have written may be contrary, derogatory or critical of my views as a Christian. For me to show you what you have requested would require that I read ALL the posts as well as ALL the comments to find the ones where Christians complained about being uncomfortable. Maybe @Od can help you out there, because I think he reads and comments more than I do.

            Nonetheless, I will present you with a recent example of a post that meets your requirement…being one that made me feel uncomfortable, and that my faith was being attacked/criticised. I didn’t comment on this post, because for me, there was really no need. I couldn’t see it bearing any positive fruit, and I would rather let it challenge me and inspire me to come up with a post that would address the failing in this particular post. The post I am referring to is the one by S called “Bad Bitches of The Bible – Part One”.

            There have been others before this, particularly posts presenting the Christian Faith in a bad light through their generalisations. I know that I have also shared my reservations on the practice of Christianity, but I have shared them as an INSIDER. It is more understandable and more constructive, because I wouldn’t be knocking the foundation of the faith, but simply challenging the practice of the faith, where as the OUTSIDERS mock our Faith! It would be as a White person writing a post about NIGGAS, and complaining about how niggas are lazy, niggas are greedy etc. If a Black person were to write such a post, they would probably meet disagreement from other Black people, but it would not be as offensive as if a White person were to do that, because of the premise of SUPERIORITY. Such posts only boosts animosity, and marginalizes those being mocked.

            There are also several “sexually focused” posts that have made dabs at Christians within the context of the posts, and I have reserved my comments. I am also not among those who spend my days reading comments of such threads. They do not edify for one. And secondly, what do the ungodly know about holiness? I would rather talk to them about Christ than tell them that they are sinning and are going to hell. And such posts do not present an avenue for ministry, because the instant you present your Christian views, you are attacked by what feels like a pack of wolves. The way we are attacked for commenting on such posts, is the same way we are attached for publishing our own views on sexuality! It seems it is only sexuality that provokes such angry responses. How many people are commenting on my posts about Faith and Salvation? How many non-Christians are even reading them?

            I also do not understand your appeal to an OPEN forum, meaning that we should be open-minded about people not sharing our beliefs, and therefore not writing as though they should or would. I don’t get it at all. As an open forum, it means that all views, whether they be offensive to sensibilities or not, are welcome, and they are also challenge-worthy. You cannot police offence. It comes hand in hand with OPINIONS! If the person is writing to condone an illegal activity, then there could be a case to censor them by not publishing their posts or comments, but even then, how can we change the law if we can’t challenge it?

            I am not asking for preferential treatment for Christians, I am just asking for the same RESPECT of our views! When we share our views, whether on Christianity or anything…we own them as Christians. And if an unbeliever disagree, then they can simply disregard us as deluded or whatever.

            Now the contentions seems to be between those who are Christians and uphold sexual morality as a standard, and those who claim to be Christians and practice sexual immorality as a lifestyle! I do not think unbelievers truly give a hoot what we think of their sexuality! They won’t come and say “stop judging me” on a post written by someone who claims to be Christian saying why people should abstain from pre-marital sex. And if such people exist, they are just plain confused…or in denial about what they believe. So the problem seems to be those sexually active “Christians” who are trying to say by their opposition to such Christian pieces “don’t speak for me! I am Christian too, and people can do what they like as long as the call Jesus their Lord and Saviour.”

            You have said in this thread and elsewhere that these people are legit, because “they call themselves christians, they serve God, believe in Jesus, read the same bible”. I’m sorry, but calling oneself a Christian has never made someone Christian, any more than calling yourself British makes you so, when you’re in fact Nigerian! It doesn’t even matter if you travel to Britain every chance you get, and send your kids to British schools!

            The Bible is clear on who Christians are. Jesus also said that “you shall know them by their fruit!” Jesus was explicit when He said that He will tell MANY people who come to Him on the Last Day saying how much they did for Him to “depart you workers of iniquity! I NEVER KNEW YOU” (Matt 7:22-23). A lot of people, I mean A LOT OF PEOPLE are in for a rude awakening… so please don’t tell me I am Christian because I say I am! Have holy fear.

            Again…let me quote from the Bible we BOTH claim to read and submit to: “The Lord knoweth them that are his. And, Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity.” (2 Tim 2:19). Do tell me, what is your DIFFERENT interpretation of this?

            We are told that NARROW is the way, but all those who wish to do their own thing wish to be counted among the true Believers! But one day, Christ will separate the Sheep from the Goats, and we will all know ourselves, who was right and who was wrong. Until then, we have to deal with the Tares that are among the Wheat, choking our witness to the world.

            Finally, on the issue of JUDGING. You judged me. You ACCUSED me of judging. How can you accuse me of doing something without using your judgment? Are you allowed to use your judgment, while I am not? And in fact, I was not judging anyone, and neither was the authour. We were speaking the truth as Christians are commanded to do. Just as Jesus did. Just as Paul did. Just as Peter did. Just as James did! In fact, the Bible tells us in so many places to stand for the truth and to teach it, for the days are evil, and men will no longer put up with sound doctrine (2 Tim 4:3). You can’t make a case of judging, when someone is preaching the Gospel. If I had called YOUR name out, or that of someone else to cite as an example of a worldly person, then you would have a case.

            But what did I do? I simply spoke the truth – “the worldly would be offended”. And what happened? The worldly were offended. OMG! Prophecy fulfilled! By your offence, you judged yourself as worldly. It is written: “And by this we will know that we belong to the truth, and will assure our hearts in His presence: If our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts, and He knows all things” (1 John 3:19-20).

            The Bible is explicit – FRIENDSHIP WITH THE WORLD IS ENMITY TOWARDS GOD. Why should the truth offend you? If we both read the same Bible, on what basis is your claim to faith in Jesus apart from obedience to Him? Is it by grace? Do you accept His grace and not His discipline? The Bible says that means you are a bastard, because God chastises those who He loves (Hebrews 12:5-7). Still, I am not the one calling you a bastard, but if you deny God’s discipline, then that is what you have chosen for yourself…to be treated as a bastard.

            There is ONE Faith, ONE Lord and ONE Baptism…One Spirit of Truth. There are no multiplicities of truth. You can challenge my understanding, but you are yet to present yours! What is a Christian…and what are Christians called to do? Please use the same Bible to tell me why Christians should take offense at other Christians for teaching sexual morality, and do also explain why it is inappropriate on an OPEN forum as this.

            Sincerely, Ufuoma.

            July 21, 2016
          • Avatar
            thetoolsman

            Ok, now I’m also getting tired because for whatever reason you seem to be purposely ignoring the point here. You were the one who brought up the fact that some groups aren’t treated equally here, if this is true, you don’t need to read the entire site to find examples but Im glad you gave one. And maybe I can use that to better help you understand what the issue is here.

            S wrote a post about bad b*ches of the bible where she listed names of people from the bible and why she thought they were ‘bad b*tches’ now it could have been offensive to you simply because you are Christian and you were uncomfortable with the use of the term ‘bad b*tches’ in association with a book you consider holy, however thats what makes it an OPEN platform.. You could have written a counter post on why you felt that way. Heck, you can even write a post on why “christian” women should not read such posts. But did she at any point mention why everyone (Christian or otherwise) must see these women as “bad b*tches”, did she say if you don’t think these women are bad bitches because you claim to be christian then you’re wrong?

            Let’s compare this with a statement from your comment which started this debate.

            “if you are offended, it is only because the truth has judged you”

            Do you see the difference or do I have to spell it out. I can go further and also compare this with your posts published on Sundays and help you understand why you don’t get such comments there but I’m genuinely tired now.

            PS: I doubt I have quoted one bible verse since our debate began – it’s not because I don’t know them but I’m a trained First Choice expert and the root cause of this issue really has nothing to do with religion. It’s the simple fact that our people do not believe one can have respect focused debates without judging and this is one of the mindsets I’m hoping we can all find a way to change using this platform. It will take time and it wont be easy but it will happen!

            July 21, 2016
          • Avatar

            Hi @thetoolsman,

            I’m afraid you might need to spell it out, if you want me to understand the difference you are making from S’ post and this post or one of posts, and how S’ was not judging anyone? Was S’ not promoting disobedience as a good thing to be celebrated? Was not that the whole premise of the “Bad Bitches”? Women who defied the standards, who used their sexuality to get their way etc? Even if she isn’t judging ‘virgins’ as wrong for chosing to abstain, she is presenting her judgment on what is good and worthy of celebration and imitation. Whether it was a joke or not is of no significance to be. She was exalting sin from a Book that teaching us that sin is the reason we will be separated from God and must repent. So, her message against my Faith came out strongly.

            Anyway, I don’t wish to burden you further on this issue. Like I said before, I would much rather drop it. I don’t think I will ever agree with you that Christians expressing their beliefs or preaching the gospel – which demands repentance – is judgy.

            All the same, thanks for the “debate”.

            Cheers, Ufuoma.

            July 21, 2016
          • Avatar
            Eddie

            Wow ???? @thetoolsman I never knew you were a Christian lol. I dunno why though. Hmm its good to know! The essays between you and @ufuomaee though ????. Thanks for starting this blog/platform. Its amazing (as you well know)

            July 23, 2016
    • Avatar
      Jade

      O celestial being, pardon us for being worldly in your unworldliness

      July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    moonie

    Lmao!!! it’s a battle field in here

    July 19, 2016
    • Avatar
      Damilola.

      lmao! as in! i pinned this tab on a hunch yesterday and went home. i got back to work this morning, and everywhere is in a state of higi haga. i still dont understand.

      July 20, 2016
      • Avatar

        Lol @ higi haga! Aswear!

        July 20, 2016
  • Avatar

    I am really glad some women like this still exist. We need role models for our daughters and sons. Don’t mind the critics. I am not being only or sanctimonious. The truth hurts and many ladies usually won’t ever want to hear of this. God bless you for this write up

    July 19, 2016
  • Avatar
    Nnanyielugo

    “every Tom and Harry’s bed”
    You left Dick out.
    What happened to Dick?

    Posted from TNC Mobile

    July 20, 2016
    • Avatar
      Ngamsi

      Lmao #BringBackOurDick

      July 20, 2016
      • Avatar
        Nnanyielugo

        *chanting*
        Bring back our Dick!!!
        Bring back our Dick!!!
        Bring back our…… What are we saying?

        Posted from TNC Mobile

        July 20, 2016
  • Avatar
    KAS

    Well. Let me laugh in india first. Hehahehahehaheha! War film here.
    My opinion: I could not blame God for somethings. But let’s see it from here. God gave use dick when we are kids and the girls from when they are kids. These organs get mature (for sex) at puberty age. Then if a 12 years girl have sex then?! (Yeah its child abuse or its pre-marital).. Then the question it, “why is puberty happening before the right time?” Why is our sex organ ready when we are not ready? We should ask God. But rather than causing commotion between us and God. Let’s just have for grace, Forgiveness and stop stigmatizing people in pre-marital. Anti and brodas, forget premarital stuff o. moreover what about married people that have extra marital sex? Ki la fe so siyen? So why won’t singles do it?

    July 20, 2016
  • Avatar
    Hanie

    Okay, i think its safe to come out now. Wonderful responses i have read since yesterday and the best so far has been Toolsman…..Ufuoma and Od i really don’t understand the kind of Christianity you practice though. Apparently, any christian that has contrary opinions has to be “Worldly” Na wa o. Just to reiterate what Toolsman has said, You are not better Christians because your interpretation of the bible is different from mine biko. I choose to believe that God is merciful and not see him in the light in which you guys tend to portray him.

    And for the writer, the pregnancy question for ladies is actually valid, maybe try getting used to it and realize that they are just doing their jobs? And next time, when you are trying to sell this idea of abstinence to people, start off with a smile and try to sound less judgy. its ur opinion just like everyone else has theirs.

    July 20, 2016
    • Avatar
      Enn

      @Hanie Christianity is all about knowing God and forming a relationship(much needed) with Him & the first basic step to knowing God(which any acclaimed christian should know) is by studying His word which is the Bible.@Ufuomaee backed up The Truth with verses I’m sure is the same in any other bible, so I think the question should be what kind of Christianity are YOU practicing.

      July 21, 2016
      • Avatar
        A

        Hi @enn just a slight reminder that different people interpret bible verses differently and @ufuomaee used the bible verses that lent credence to her argument. I can have a counter argument and also bring out bible verses to support my views and those verses would be the truth as they are the same in every bible!

        July 21, 2016
        • Avatar
          Od

          Don’t just say it, A. Go find those verses and build an argument and we’ll see that it’s true that the Bible can contradict itself. Then we’ll try to find out why you still bother to call yourself a Christian following something so confused.

          July 21, 2016
          • Avatar
            A

            @od i think you should read again and try to understand different perspectives and standpoints as i did not say what was being said was not the truth. Because i drew out a perspective does not mean i do not agree with some things that have been mentioned. My comment only said that two different people can read the same verse and take out different meanings from it and this is why we need the Holyspirit for discernment. I choose to ignore the last part of your comment. Gracias.

            July 21, 2016
          • Avatar
            Od

            You didn’t say “different” argument, @a, you said “counter” argument. If you can use the Bible to contradict itself like that, then there is a legitimate question why you would let anyone call you a Christian. It’s actually insane to be a Christian when you can prove that the foundation of Christianity is inconsistent with itself. In other words, what I said was not a personal attack on you. It was a challenge to pay attention to the things you say.

            I’ll add this for a bonus: different lessons from the same Scriptures learned under the same Holy Spirit will agree with each other. They will not contradict.

            July 21, 2016
  • Avatar
    Don Flowers

    I am a Christian and even I, think that this article was intended to be judgy.

    Further, the author’s opinion is clouded by her experience when she was involved in the world. Her angst makes it obvious that she gave herself away for one or more of the reasons she deplores above and came to the conclusion that women only give themselves away for those reasons.

    She got burned, her righteous anger is suspect, she’s still suffering from the pain of those years.

    I have quarreled with a few of ‘S’ s comments here but I have to applaud the 14 paragraphed comment above as well as that of Toolsman.

    OD & Ufuomae, as much as I appreciate the need to preach the gospel, but we have not be called to pass sentences while at it.

    The Christian faith as espoused by Christ is a loving, non judgmental, self sacrificing faith. We welcome you in and let grace do the work. We don’t take the place of the Holy Spirit and convict people of their sins.

    We don’t let our personal opinions and experiences becloud our understanding of the Bible and it’s principles.

    July 20, 2016
  • Avatar
    Snow

    The title of this post made me not even want to read it but seeing 80 comments made me curious.

    And as expected, the usual players are here. I’m surprised S & Funmi O didnt unlook this one though.

    This whole post is one big judgefest. The basic human need to put the other person down (in however subtle a way they can) in order to feel better or cleaner or more something.
    I could launch into a talk on this but as the humans we are, it’s innate and we wont stop

    But my irk here is this soul ties crap. Mehn, i get migraines whenever i see this stuff. Soul ties? Really?

    July 20, 2016
    • Avatar
      Nnanyielugo

      The ingrained human penchant for pretentiousness.

      If one makes a choice to either do, or abstain from doing something, good; fantastic.
      The problem is shaming others from not joining in your (supposedly) personal decision just to make you feel better about yourself.
      It soils the good work you have done so far.

      If you need to put others down via some sort of comparison (regardless of how subtle) to celebrate a milestone, you have achieved nothing.

      Nothing at all.

      Posted from TNC Mobile

      July 20, 2016
  • Avatar
    JanJan

    ‘Our bodies weren’t made to service every Tom and Harry’s bed, they were made to serve the Lord in purity and holiness and yes, even in our workplaces’.

    Please the expression is every Tom Dick and Harry. Why did you leave the Dick out? Was it on purpose? The Dick deserves its rightful place. All puns intended.

    July 20, 2016
    • Avatar
      ashabi

      Hahaha…. I love you

      July 20, 2016
      • Avatar
        JanJan

        As in.. I don’t understand. So because she said we shouldn’t have sex, she won’t mention Dick? What did Dick ever do to her? She needs the D in her life.

        July 21, 2016
  • Avatar
    Sandra

    Of course single ladies will always definitely have sex on the sex. We are still yet to see single ladies that don’t..,if you do, kindly introduce them to me

    July 20, 2016
  • Avatar
    T

    It hurts me that this writer has authored a book.

    The entire premise of this article, that you as a woman are of less value when you engage in premarital sex is bollocks, who put my value in my vagina? And why only women? Why not men?

    That this dangerous narrative is being advanced by a woman is even worse.

    Look, sex is fun, it is good and it’s a basic human need. Those who abstain for religious and other reasons do so out of personal choice. It doesn’t make you better, or purer, it makes you more obedient to God, which is fine.

    For those who do not love or even believe in that God, obedience means nothing, and that’s their right. What they do with their bodies is their right. It makes them no less valued or special in that God’s eye self, so why should it in yours?

    July 20, 2016
    • Avatar
      D.K

      @t it hurts you. Why? If you won’t read, some other people most definitely will. I’m sure some will even be inspired and blessed by it. I think your first statement was uncalled for. You can talk about this post, disagree about it, argue about it, but you cannot question her book (which you probably haven’t read). *smh*

      July 20, 2016
  • Avatar
    Op

    Let those who have ears hear! No one is forcing anyone, its just to encourage those who have made the choice. Thanks writer.

    July 20, 2016
  • Avatar
    Buchi

    Dear Author, a lot of us come here to write and brush up writing.
    You’ve got the basics. Diction is okay, style is also cool. Content and tone can be improved upon. I’m sure with practice you’d get the hang of it.

    You’ve got quite a bit of stick on this post. Don’t run away. Write again. Sure we’d like the next one.

    July 20, 2016
    • Avatar
      fayte

      My first comment here. @buchi this is really nice and encouraging.

      July 21, 2016
      • Avatar
        Buchi

        Thanks. Please comment more.

        July 21, 2016
  • Avatar
    Jay

    I am happy for this post and the comments it spawned. Seeds have been sowed in some hearts and in other hearts, seeds have been watered. In some hearts, trees have yet again received the sun. We are all at different levels of understanding in Christ and Christianity. Every Christian who has come to Christ came with a story. And the beauty is that God uses our stories to tell stories. Just like Paul in the Bible. Even he hated christians and I’m not sure the disagreements here can even compare to the persecution of Christians of old. Truth has always been met with reproach and mockery and sarcasm. Even before Christ. There are countless instances in the Bible. I used to be in the same school as most commenters here and I’m sure even the writer once enjoyed the things that you cling on to. My prayer is that God touches us and pulls us to him. Because like I said, we are all at different levels of understanding. And it’s not even linear. I for one did not see any judgement in this post. For those who did, very well, this post has touched you on you own level of understanding. It has done its work. I always see things like this like an alarm ringing in the morning. Some will snooze and do anything to go back to sleep. Some will wake up. Some wake up after a couple snoozes. Frances I encourage to keep writing as the Spirit of the Lord leads you. If ever you feel discouraged by some of the apprehensive and defensive words here please don’t, remember too there was a time you too called yourself Christian before you experienced God for real to know what it really means. Remember that most people don’t focus on the message, they’d rather focus on the loopholes and faults and some other things. Some here feel you refer to a persons value to themselves and to the world. I saw someone who listed all her achievements and how amazing she is. But the message here isn’t to tell us we are not valuable to ourselves or society. The message is calling us to our true value in the Lord. Because even with all your plaques hanging on your walls and in your mind, without that value in the Lord, we are nothing.

    July 21, 2016
    • Avatar

      Truly profound contribution, Jay! Thanks 🙂

      July 21, 2016
    • Avatar
      fayte

      Warn hugs….

      July 21, 2016
      • Avatar
        fayte

        Warm….

        July 21, 2016
    • Avatar

      @jay This comment was so soothing like warm honey. I pray the same too. The funny thing is, we can only sow those seeds but allow the master do the rest. I remember when I ached so much for a friend who had not known God and God made me remember how I was before knowing Him too. There was a time I was almost upset and God was like, ‘Are you holier or kinder than I am?” lol. I even wrote a post on something similar about sex and how rebellion makes us feel ‘well, since God put these desires in me, why would he make me wait and be chaste? Why couldn’t he lock it somewhere and just let it be?

      http://myglowingscenes.com/dear-god-why-do-you-make-my-hormones-this-way-if-i-have-to-wait/

      But the more I drew closer to God, the more I saw the beauty in it all. Of course the human mind won’t see it. Why? Because man only sees things from His own perspective. A spiritual man will see things from the Father’s perspective and how His love compels us to live for Him and pour ourselves on Him because He did more than that for us.

      We were the ones who disobeyed and yet He came for us. We were the ones who chose to chase after other things but He ignored this and put His love on the Line for us. He gave us Himself. A whole God. It’s amazing when I could not see this in the past. And so, is it too much when He asks for us? Isn’t that what Love is about? Being intimate and giving ourselves to each other? The divine romance between God and Man.

      Love doesn’t hold back but gives all. It does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in truth. I pray that more and more people will come to see how much God loves them and run to Him instead of away from HIm. When His love takes over, infact, you will look like a fool to the world because they are wondering why you choose to do something they see as normal. When God comes in, hmmn, it’s not ‘just’ anymore. It’s so much more.

      Dear @Frances, I pray for grace and strength for you, to keep sharing God wherever you go. To keep declaring His love for His love has been shed abroad in your heart by His Spirit given to you. Much love dear. xo!

      July 21, 2016
  • Avatar
    phemmmies

    If you have met God, and seen the light you would have not problem with the content of the writer. I am 32years this year and I never had sex, no romance, no touching or anything that defines our heavily sex cultured. This is because I met God early, I have superior understanding of what sex is as view by God. My decision is to please God and not follow a church order. It’s amazing how God helps a man who want to please him. Yet for me, this isn’t an achievement, something to be proud of, like a laurel. I just want my whole life to please God. @Od, thank you for being a voice. You are not alone. There are still thousands hiding in the cave who have not embrassed the craze of the system, nor bow to her god. I would wish you start a school where you can catch them young and inspire our children towards a responsible life devoid of the wantonness of our society. In all, there are just two category . Those who have met Jesus and have a relationship with him and those who have not. For me, I have seen the light and can not be contented by a shadow.

    July 21, 2016
    • Avatar

      Amen! Great contribution 🙂

      July 21, 2016
    • Avatar
      A

      Hi @phemmmies i’m glad you have met God and i’m glad you decided to stay pure. Know that you decided (choice) to be pure because of your relationship with God rather than a judgy article you read somewhere. I’m also glad you do not feel superior to other people who decided to indulge in premarital sex because you have a personal relationship with God and you have a reason why you do what you do. I am a Christian and yes i know the bible says premarital sex is wrong but i think i can categorically say the problem with the article is how the writer says that a woman’s self worth is determined by whether she indulges in premarital sex or not. That shoud not be the case, what happened to her saying that’s not what God wants for us as single girls? What happened to her coming from the perspective that people should develop personal relationships with God and try to live their lives to please him which would definitely include non indulgence in premarital sex?

      This article sounds judgy, hypocritical and would really not draw any sinner to Christ as most would take defensive stances rather than inward reflections and a quest for redemption.

      July 21, 2016
      • Avatar
        Od

        Why should people bother to develop personal relationships with God? What kind of gospel is that? Sometimes, A, it pays to actually think about what you’re saying.

        July 21, 2016
        • Avatar
          A

          Lol the irony…i think you need your own advice. People should not bother to have personal relationships with God? Sorry but what should they do? Take every thing that’s said by anybody who can write articles, preach or quote bible verses? You are seriously asking me what kind of gospel having a personal relationship with God is?

          Wow

          @od you are HILARIOUS!

          P.S i think you’re confusing being narrow minded with being a staunch believer.

          July 21, 2016
          • Avatar
            Od

            The lesson here is not just to pay attention to what you say but also to what you read or hear. I asked you two questions. I did not offer two opinions.

            If your gospel or good news is this: “people should cultivate a personal relationship with God”, what do you think your hearers will ask you first? They’ll ask you why they should.

            The Gospel we preach is not that people should cultivate a personal relationship with God, it is that Jesus died and rose again and is able to save every last person who will listen to him from their sins and the eternal consequence of their sins. The way he saves is by making us family with God. That’s the only way to escape sin and death. Because God’s legacy violently opposes sin and is powerfully alive and agile, completely beyond the power of death.

            That is our Gospel. So how does your Gospel translate into good news?

            A, to challenge and answer you I had to do a hell of a lot of scrolling. I find it irritating having to do it so often on my phone and my laptop has been out of commission for a few weeks now. I did this because I value you and hope that my answers to you will solve the same problems you have for other people.

            If you claim Christ, you need to start fighting for his side. Be careful, be wary, be are the compassion that makes you an enemy of the Cross of Christ.

            July 21, 2016
        • Avatar

          Why shouldn’t people bother to have relationships with God? What are you really saying?

          August 4, 2016
    • Avatar
      fayte

      Its not an achievement but in these days, it deserves a weldone and/or congrats. I’m 26yrs and havent had sex tho a little romance here and there that I’m not proud of. Your story is a major encouragement. God bless u.

      July 21, 2016
      • Avatar
        phemmmies

        I maintain that I don’t see this as a feat. Something to have an handshake for from the Almighty.I believe I have received grace. You see, everything in the Christian walk is grace. You are saved by grace. You received from God by grace. Grace is God endowments which covers a man weakness. It’s not a big deal to me because if I abstain from sex, and go to hell, what have I gained or if have win an Olympic award for sexual activities and still made it to heaven, what have I lost? The whole idea is our life pleasing God, not just a part. I have a little issue though with the article, because the writer expect people to just leave what is normal and embrace chastity by their will power. This kind of things cant be done by will power, just similar to telling a thief not to steal. The truth the world need to hear is only Jesus can make this possible. I have a friend who before he met Jesus testify of how reckless he was with women. Then , he would wonder if it is possible to stay off sex for just a day. It’s seven years counting and he had nor smell a woman skin. Sometimes, I wonder what version of Jesus is preached in our church. Bar Jesus or Jesus Christ. That being said, I understand the ferocity with which @OD is pursuing this. It seems there is a deliberate unconscious effort to silence opposing view to societal rot. My colleagues will tell me all the sexual terms and how Wonderful her last sexual experience was. When I begin to speak, her face will change and she will give me this look that shows disdain. And this happen everywhere. If you can bring your sexual stories to me and tell me about what you do in bedroom, why should you demand I keep off when I want to express my opinions? Why bring the civility rules in open engagement when I have not step on any body human rights? Well, if I am accused of been a judge, I can take solace in the fact that Jesus too judge “woes to you Pharisee” and a servant cannot be greater than his master.

        July 21, 2016
  • Avatar
    snow

    So the cruz of the message in this article is mainly that y’all ladies should stop having sex mainly because your worth as a human being is basically calculated by whether or not you’re having sex. And it’s appalling to see some men here actually agreeing.

    This is my problem with millennial “christians”, you can’t seem to pass your message across without the need to judge (because Jesus said all power is given to him). And when he sent y’all to preach the gospel, i dont recall judging to be a part of it. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.
    But that is not what i’m trying to talk about, you all come here and talk about God and Jesus and their love but how many people are really listening to. With the exception of @ufuomaee (although i havent read all your articles), the rest of the christian articles i have read on here is just one big bowl of judgeflakes. And i have to ask; is that how you want to get your message across?

    The whole message of the Gospel was to preach God’s love and mercy and honestly, if that was what you lot did on your articles, i swear the comment section would read like a sunday school discussion but instead 80% of the comments are already focusing on how you present your message, which is from the judge’s chair.

    Before i entered the university, i spent close to 10years working in the church (was in the choir, sang at retreats, preached at children camps, led house fellowships, evangelized, worked in the electronics department) so i listened to almost every message within that period.

    And right from the G.S to even my district pastor back then, i cant recall a message that ever had a judge-scope to it. From the message about worshipping God to giving to God to prayer to bible study. None was ever preached to make the sinner feel like nothing.
    And guess what, at the end of sermons, people came out to be saved, some were even crying. And i seem to recall other special occasions

    These people came out willingly, even on evangelism dealings, people wanted to be saved, they wanted to hear more.

    I dont think these people would feel like they needed saving or experience God’s love if they felt they were being judged or condemned. Not with the way our psychology is setup.

    I may no longer be who i was, but i didnt develop amnesia so i remember what i was taught and what i studied and learned.
    But i listen to those early morning megaphone carrying preachers, even those that go out and evangelize and i find myself shaking my head

    I have just one advice to give to you preachers, keep preaching the truth, but if you use the truth as a means to judge people and evaluate their worth, then you are wasting your time

    July 21, 2016
    • Avatar
      Od

      With all that love and mercy, how could you not be who you once was? Maybe the tone has nothing to do with it really. Judgeflakes might actually be very nutritious.

      July 21, 2016
      • Avatar
        fayte

        Choi…… This is it.

        July 21, 2016
  • Avatar
    Od

    @thetoolsman, biko, what did you get me to understand? Hia!!!! Lol.

    I have talked about this several times over in several circumstances. If this is a free expression platform, then even Christians must be free to talk like Christians as unapologetically as anyone else. I na-ahukwa what people like S write here in their own posts? Do you see such posts? And even comments? When people feel comfortable and safe to talk about their complete lack of sexual moral scruples, why on earth is it a problem when Christians opine that lack of such scruples is dangerous for individuals and the society?

    I told you, just as Ufuoma reminded you, that Christians are easy to muzzle. Just say, “judgy” and the Christian can’t say a single word without offending everyone everywhere. But it is not offensive for S or Olayinka or whoever to push their “sexual liberation” in my face. That’s just their own truth. That’s just a pile of crap, Tools.

    July 21, 2016
    • Avatar
      thetoolsman

      I think you should read my latest response to Ufuoma.

      July 21, 2016
      • Avatar
        Od

        I read it. I think that the crux of it is this: TNC is an open platform and as such will accommodate all content that is respectful of every participant’s specific ideology and idiosyncrasy.

        This is the very first thing, the very first sentiment I shared on this website in the first post I made: if you interpret the above to mean that no one should feel judged for holding a particular view of life on this platform, you have managed to create an impossibility. Because if TNC is an open platform, it is necessarily also a debating floor and as such spares no position of judgment. Every sentiment shared on a truly open platform is subject to vigorous challenge.

        I personally do not care if S or Lipglossmafia or Olayinka or Rukia puts out a thousand posts promoting promiscuity. For me, it is an opportunity to challenge wrong ideas and bad standards and promote Christ. But if they can do it, Christians too must be allowed to put out posts promoting sexual purity and godliness across the board. Let anyone challenge them for it but nobody dare tell them that they shouldn’t share their own beliefs and opinions because some people feel judged by them. That is anti-intellectualism (and I’m being nice calling it that).

        July 21, 2016
        • Avatar
          thetoolsman

          haha.. there you go doing it again – it’s like a way of life yeah, so you probably don’t even know when you do it.

          “If you interpret the above to mean that no one should feel judged for holding a particular view of life on this platform, you have managed to create an impossibility”

          Yes this is my interpretation and yes, this is the goal. It is not impossible because I have seen it done. I grew up in this same environment so I’m not isolated from this problem – I also judge but I’m learning to caution myself because I believe the world will be a better place if we all learn to do so.

          “Every sentiment shared on a truly open platform is subject to vigorous challenge”

          Please by all means challenge me, but as long as we do not share the same beliefs, you can not judge me.

          I said you did it again and you probably don’t know what you did so I will try to spell it out in black and white for you show you how easy it is to have a respect focused debate/conversation using your own words.

          “For me, it is an opportunity to challenge wrong ideas and bad standards and promote Christ.” —— this statement could have been written as “For me, it is an opportunity to challenge ideas and standards and promote Christ.”

          These ideas are wrong and the standards are bad based on your (religious) beliefs. Like I asked Ufuoma, please show me an example where S, or Olayinka or anyone you mentioned singled you out as wrong or bad simply because you are Christian.

          Your position on not being able to debate without judging is my ONLY concern here and if we can’t agree on that then perhaps there isn’t more for me to say to you.

          July 21, 2016
          • Avatar
            Od

            What’s the difference between challenging and judging, Tools?

            Why do I have to provide such an example? Did I claim that they ever did such a thing? Or have I claimed that it is right to single them out as bad for being promiscuous? You are not implying that arguing that promiscuity is wrong is the same as calling them bad people, are you?

            Now you say that the proof of the possibility of debating without judgment is in the fact that the debater does not qualify the things he challenges, right? That is, he does not offer an opinion about them especially based on his own values and standards.

            Now, why do we allege that someone did something wrong or accuse them of something in order to take them to court? Is it not to establish a challenge and a point of conflict? Of course, I call those ideas wrong and those standards bad because my beliefs judge them that way. That my opponents don’t share my beliefs means exactly nothing. It is because we disagree in beliefs that there is a conflict at all. And by naming their ideas and standards wrong, I establish that there is a conflict.

            What follows that is an intellectual exchange to determine if I am right to call those standards and ideas wrong. That is what debating does. If you claim that it does anything else, you’ll have to show me what and how you can believe that it does it.

            Finally, in my opinion, this is a simple issue. Christians are ordinarily challengers of ideas. To open a discussion and let them participate is to risk “judging”. If this risk is unacceptable on a platform, then it must be made clear to Christians that unless they can participate without challenging ideas they believe are wrong, they are unwelcome on the platform. It clearly delineates terms. That way, Christians will know what they can do and what they can’t if they choose to participate on a platform.

            To help you further, if you don’t want to appear to be discriminating against Christians, just say that the platform does not welcome arguments that base their legitimacy on religious authorities. You’d be called secular then, not an atheist/irreligious platform. It’s “in” right now too, so very few people will call you a bigot. They’ll say that you’re a tolerant platform rather than an intolerant one because you do not tolerate intolerant people. It’s a win-win. I guarantee that a large number of “Christians” will not only support you but they will vigorously and venomously defend the tolerance of the platform against “hardliners” and “judgmental intolerant bigots” who “masquerade as Christians” but are really Pharisees too. It’s not like they aren’t already doing it right now.

            That’s the solution I offer. Otherwise, go for intellectual value and promote ethical discussing behavior that promotes intelligent reasoning rather than use double-speak to muzzle people in the name of tolerance.

            July 21, 2016
          • Avatar
            thetoolsman

            I find it hard to believe that someone with your level of intelligence struggles to clearly distinguish between ‘challenging’ and ‘judging’.

            “It is because we disagree in beliefs that there is a conflict at all. And by naming their ideas and standards wrong, I establish that there is a conflict.”

            NO OD. This isn’t why there is conflict. There is conflict because you choose to judge them by your beliefs. Like you said, you don’t have a problem if S and co post all they want about pre-marrital sex and they surely don’t have a problem when Ufuoma posts strictly on Christianity for christians. Issues only arise when lines are crossed. I’m glad you mentioned the law court, have you ever heard of cases where one is charged for being promiscuous or one where a person’s self worth based on their level of sexuality is challenged?

            A thinks pre-marital sex is ok (because he is not religious), B thinks its not ok (because he is religious) = NO PROBLEM
            A thinks pre-marital sex is ok (because he is not religious), B thinks its not ok (because he is religious and says A is bad for not accepting the fact that pre-marital sex is not ok. = PROBLEM

            And NO, I didn’t say the proof of the possibility of debating without judgment is in the fact that one does not offer an opinion. Offer your opinion but don’t judge – is it so hard to understand? As two christians here we can debate the bible or Christianity so your suggestion of declaring the platform as one where arguments that base their legitimacy on religious authorities aren’t welcome is DOA. And again, this debate has very little to do with religion as I have had similar arguments on topics like Feminism, the Nigerian Economy etc. I’ll just leave it here this time. Maybe if someone can help me explain the different between challenging and judging, we can pick this up again.

            July 21, 2016
          • Avatar
            Od

            For “judge”: (source – http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/judge )

            Full Definition of “judge”

            judged judging

            * transitive verb
            *
            1:  to form an opinion about through careful weighing of evidence and testing of premises
            *
            2:  to sit in judgment on :  try

            *
            3:  to determine or pronounce after inquiry and deliberation
            *
            4:  govern, rule
             —used of a Hebrew tribal leader
            *
            5:  to form an estimate or evaluation of; especially :  to form a negative opinion about
            *
            6:  to hold as an opinion : guess, think 

            * intransitive verb
            *
            1:  to form an opinion
            *
            2:  to decide as a judge

            For “challenge”: (source – http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/challenge)

            Full Definition of”challenge”

            challenged challenging

            * transitive verb
            *
            1:  to demand as due or deserved : require
            *
            2:  to order to halt and prove identity 
            *
            3:  to dispute especially as being unjust, invalid, or outmoded :  impugn
             
            *
            4:  to question formally the legality or legal qualifications of 
            *
            5a :  to confront or defy boldly:  dare
             b :  to call out to duel or combatc :  to invite into competition
            *
            6:  to arouse or stimulate especially by presenting with difficulties 
            *
            7:  to administer a physiological and especially an immunologic challenge to (an organism or cell)

            * intransitive verb
            *
            1:  to make or present a challenge
            *
            2:  to take legal exception

            Tools, I struggle with a lot of things, I really do, but I am not struggling with the difference between those two words. You made a claim and I asked you to substantiate it, that’s all. Your answer was a cop-out. It suggests that you really don’t know this difference that you claim exists between the two concepts. Well, now I’ve fetched two lists of meanings of the words for us to examine.

            In the first list, Intransitive #2 says that judging means to “try” or examine (as Intransitive #1 offers) either someone or something. In other words, to judge is to weigh the claims made to see what is true and what is false.

            In the second list, Intransitive #3 means to dispute something as, among other things, invalid.

            There is a difference but in the context of our discussion, it does not apply. To judge means to examine evidence and arguments and reach a conclusion. To challenge means to offer either arguments or counter-arguments to prove that a position is invalid. In this context, when people offer a position that I, for example, believe is wrong, I can challenge them because I have examined it and have arguments to show that it is wrong. So, judging here is practically challenging as well. Why would I challenge a position if I didn’t already reach a conclusion about it possibly after weighing the evidence for and against it? I can only ask for clarification if I have no opinions or conclusions about it.

            In other words, to challenge a position is essentially to have already judged it invalid or, at least, questionable.

            That is what the conflict part also meant. Why would I challenge an idea or standard if I didn’t think it was wrong or bad? Challenge is the declaration of conflict. It isn’t that A judges B by his own beliefs or B judges A by his own beliefs. It is simply that A and B do not agree in their beliefs. That disagreement is the conflict. It already exists before anyone issues a verbal challenge. The instant A challenges B’s values, he only states that conflict, he doesn’t create it.

            Tools, you said that what I said could have been restated removing the two adjectives “wrong” and “bad”. Those two adjectives defined my opinion. You cannot say that I’m allowed to share my opinion without judging when in fact my opinions are a judgment of the positions I’m opining about. That’s what I tried to point out to you. And I have demonstrated that challenging anyone is essentially the same as judging them.

            I was just offering an easy solution, Tools. If you don’t want to take it, the alternative is to quit making Christians the bad guy for appealing to their Biblical beliefs to deal with issues they discuss on the platform. Those who say that they have no religion AND THEREFORE live as they please and hold what opinions they do without appeal to a religious authority do so without a thought for the feelings or convenience of Christians, why do Christians need to accommodate them? Why should I not argue against promiscuity on the basis of the Bible when Olayinka embraces it on the basis of her atheism? Do I insist that she not bring in her atheism in our discussion of promiscuity? Do you even see her making any kind of effort to keep it out of the discussion?

            As a matter of fact, all arguments, all ideas, all standards have their roots in the individual beliefs of people. Every discussion will necessarily appeal to some authority or belief. Therefore, you are unjust and unfair to tell a Christian not to appeal to their beliefs in drawing conclusions or developing arguments about people’s positions and behaviors when you wouldn’t demand the same of them.

            Well, I’ve helped. I’m kind of tired of scrolling though. So, I think I’ll sign out at this point but we can pick it up elsewhere another time if you want.

            July 21, 2016
          • Avatar
            D.K

            By all means @thetoolsman , please show me where this post (or ufuoma’s or any other christian post) singled out S or Olayinka or anybody as being bad or wrong. I believe that’s one of the points @ufuomaee and @od are trying to make.

            July 21, 2016
          • Avatar
            FEMME

            @Od, several times i have heard people say Jesus judged or even rebuked people in the Bible (you have pointed out several times) and that is okay because he is God and he is perfect. Is it okay for man with all the imperfections you are likely to have, to also Judge?

            I see people celebrate abstinence as one sure way to get heaven but these same people lie unconsciously, steal and some other sins which are not any less than sex outside marriage. It surprises me that it is a post on sex that gets so many comments from Christians and non-Christians because the views are clear; you are either doing it or you are not. However, i see why it is so because it is mostly tagged the ultimate sin.

            Anyway, despite all you have said here, i do hope we can engage in a conversation without feeling like its too late for me to be saved because i may already be going to hell as is.

            Please do not take it as some attack where you come and attack as i know you sometimes like the idea of fighting this battles on religions. It is actually an honest question and i pray you see it as such.

            July 22, 2016
        • Avatar

          I am in full support of your argument here, @Od. In particular, this:

          “To help you further, if you don’t want to appear to be discriminating against Christians, just say that the platform does not welcome arguments that base their legitimacy on religious authorities. You’d be called secular then, not an atheist/irreligious platform. It’s “in” right now too, so very few people will call you a bigot. They’ll say that you’re a tolerant platform rather than an intolerant one because you do not tolerate intolerant people. It’s a win-win. I guarantee that a large number of “Christians” will not only support you but they will vigorously and venomously defend the tolerance of the platform against “hardliners” and “judgmental intolerant bigots” who “masquerade as Christians” but are really Pharisees too. It’s not like they aren’t already doing it right now.

          That’s the solution I offer. Otherwise, go for intellectual value and promote ethical discussing behavior that promotes intelligent reasoning rather than use double-speak to muzzle people in the name of tolerance.”

          Enough said.

          Cheers, Ufuoma.

          July 21, 2016
        • Avatar
          D.K

          Actually @thetoolsman I agree with @od and @ufuomaee . Sometimes this ‘open’ platform confuses me because more often than not, it’s tilted to a particular side. I remember a post by @s about a virginity certificate and how crappy she thought the idea was, for someone who preaches ‘open mind’. Of course, you kind of stated we shouldn’t attack the writer because it was her opinion. However, if it’s a christian post, you and some other people come here to talk about judging and respecting people’s views & how TNC is an open platform. That’s why I agree with what @miz said earlier.
          Personally, I’ve noticed this trend. Yes, i know TNC’s slogan & it’s objective but sometimes, it doesn’t come across as being for every author or commenter. I don’t know, maybe it’s because of the way you ‘step’ in sometimes. Like Miz said, you can state your opinion without necessarily being in a group. My own two cents.

          July 21, 2016
          • Avatar
            thetoolsman

            I have spent my entire day trying to explain this and I must admit that I’m tired. It’s surprising how you still think this is about religion. You didn’t seem to notice this when I ‘stepped in’ to address the same issue of judging in the posts on feminism, or the post on the plunging state of the naira. If I can state my opinion without being in a group then you can state your opinion without judging which is all I’ve been saying here. Can we please agree and leave it there? Thank you.

            July 21, 2016
  • Avatar
    Enn

    *SMH*…I find it kinda funny when writers post articles on their opinions abt sex,cheating etc & it’s all good but when the Christians do the same d pitchforks & knives comes out..Lool. @ufuomaee & the writer of this article God bless & IJN.

    July 21, 2016
    • Avatar

      It is well! The Lord warned us, so we must be prepared to give a defense for our Faith. Thanks @Enn.

      July 21, 2016
  • Avatar
    Frankie

    The world is a race, Judgement follows after death for we born into Christendom and Born-again Christians believes in this. Morals teaches us what is right or wrong and I bet we all know the truth in what the writer wrote. However, its your choice to make. I applaud everyone for their constructive argument in this issue but truth be told, in no way would one convey such a message without sounding judgemental; that still don’t mean that the person is out rightly judging other people by the action. I think its a choice to either accept what she wrote or disdain and dismiss it. Nice one yáll and lets work and hustle for our money”cause its office time. lol

    July 21, 2016
  • Avatar
    Bk

    Hmm. So going by this post, there are strictly 2 categories of women. One category is for those who abstain from sex. And, quite naturally I suppose, the other category is those who are sexually active and so by default, are loose, sell their bodies and give out their bodies for some naira, iphone 6 and promise of marriage. Insightful!

    @frankie, you make it sound like it’s impossible to promote abstinence without throwing the sexually active people under a bus.

    You practice abstinence, you’re obedient to God as regards sexual morality, good for you. It’s not an easy feat. 5 years is no joke. KUDOS. But you can toot your own horn without slinging mud at those who have chosen a different path. And that’s mostly what this post is. Mudslinging. You basically made yourself look good and threw dirty water at those not standing with you. And that was soooo unnecessary!
    By your logic, every sexually active woman is loose, selling her body, being sexually defrauded, devaluing herself and pretty much worthless. So considering the fact that you were sexually active before you started your 5-year celibacy stint, exactly how much were you devalued? Does that mean you are worth less than a Virgin? Just how low did your value fall? Is it lower than the naira? Or once you began practicing abstinence, it rose again? By what margin pls? Is it now on par with a virgin’s value? Do you believe you are inferior to a virgin because you aren’t one yourself? And pray tell, how does it work for the guys? I’m guessing they’re value is in their balls…. Or its just for the women? Do you see how your logic does not make sense? The virtues of a woman do not begin and end with her sexual status. A woman’s value is not tied to her vagina. Mine isn’t anyway. I know my worth, i know my value and it is not in my vagina.

    Not every sexually active woman is loose or a victim or selling her body or “giving it out to be sampled” on promises of marriage. And if you say your post was targeted at Christian women, then it still stands. You can preach abstinence without labelling them as loose or worthless. A Christian woman who is sexually active isn’t necessarily selling her body. She isn’t losing her worth or her value as a woman. She is however living in sin. She’s disobeying God. And even though God is loving and forgiving, he despises sin and so we as Christians should desist from it. Preach based on that. Cos that’s the only thing that you do know.

    By all means, promote abstinence. I for one, I’m all for it. But it’s very possible to do it without Mudslinging.

    Ps. 5 years tho! Well, More grace!

    July 21, 2016
    • Avatar
      Bk

      This comment is a reply to this post and @Frances the author and not Frankie. Sorry for the mix-up.

      July 21, 2016
  • Avatar
    Bk

    @thetoolsman pls epp me delete one comment. Thanks.

    July 21, 2016
  • Avatar
    Morris

    Wow, I mean, you all are awesome. I missed TNC. Damn!

    July 21, 2016
  • Avatar
    Od

    Wait! @thetoolsman, you didn’t really delete my post, did you? It was tagged spam and I expected that you would eventually untag it but then you deleted it?! Wow! I’m completely floored. That you would do that is a very unpleasant thing to consider. You can’t abide being challenged that much?

    Look, bro, this platform is your initiative. Without me, it will still go on. But if this is its character, you’re setting yourself up for a bad fall eventually.

    My word! I’m stunned! I hope it was just a mistake on your part though.

    July 21, 2016
    • Avatar
      Snow

      You see why I called you petty.
      It’s not always that deep you know.
      Your comment is flagged as spam (and therefore awaiting moderation), it’s not gonna be visible on the site until after it’s approved. Your comment isnt the first to be tagged as spam, it wont be the last.
      If they approve it, fine. If they dont, then make another comment. If you dont feel the need to, no wahala.

      Dont come on here and start telling us what you expect or consider. It’s no one’s fault if you’re floored and decide to remain so.

      I recall @thetoolsman stating sometime, he was no longer involved in the site’s admin. And even if he was, i fail to see how you so confidently single him out as being behind it.
      My comment on a post was flagged this week, i didnt complain ( i made another)

      Nobody is out to get you so pull your head out of your ass and make another comment or keep quiet. I believe it’s what people do instead of trying to play “pin the blame”

      July 21, 2016
      • Avatar
        Od

        @Snow, thanks for the tidbit about Tools’s involvement with the admin. I didn’t know about that. I wonder though if he has absolutely no administrative powers anymore or has lost all ability to reacquire and exercise them even if only temporarily. But, still, it probably wasn’t him. And it may truly have been a mistake on the part of whoever did it.

        Second, I do know my way around the site, bro. I’ve had plenty enough posts flagged at different times to figure out how it works. As long as you’re logged in, you can see your comment even if it is flagged and awaiting moderation. You’ll have a message on it to tell you that it is awaiting moderation too.

        This one completely disappeared probably about half an hour after I posted it. I can’t imagine any other reason it did besides the fact that it was deleted.

        I don’t cry wolf, Snow. I rarely ever mention a flagged post. The last time I remember doing so was on a thread where you, Rukia, Ufuoma and myself discussed months ago. If it wasn’t Julibravo’s post, it was Ufuoma’s which followed soon after. That was around the time I figured out how the flagging thing works. Since then, my posts have been flagged and released a few times. This is the first post I have seen actually deleted since I started commenting on this platform.

        No, I don’t really care if anyone is out to get me. I’m here for a reason. When it’s no longer viable, I’ll be gone and, as always happens, in time my name will be forgotten and others will shape the platform. So I’m not really that important. Just a blip on an ocean of blips.

        July 21, 2016
      • Avatar
        thetoolsman

        lol see ehn, I’m tired. @od just one look at your (now approved) comment and I know it was held for moderation simply because you had links in it. You are still very new here, you don’t want to know the kinds of debates we have had on this platform. If I didn’t censor comments then we people went as far as calling me names, I don’t have any business doing it now. I have really tried hard here to help you understand my point o view but I’ve come to the conclusion that we will probably never agree so I wish there was something I could apologise for but I’ve searched and haven’t found so if for whatever reason you still feel treated unfairly here, I’m sure this isn’t the only platform online where you can share your views. As long as you stick to the community rules (which you contributed to by the way), you will always be welcome here.

        Peace, love and puff puff.

        July 21, 2016
  • Avatar
    fayte

    My comment better be approved o.

    July 21, 2016
  • Avatar
    Shewa

    Who says the bible says don’t judge? Read the whole verse

    There are a lot of verses concerning -judgement

    Our generation is well described in Isaiah 59:8: “The way of peace they know not; and there is no judgment in their goings: they have made them crooked paths: whosoever goeth therein shall not know peace.” People have refused to judge, so there is no peace.
    Paul said in I Corinthians 1:10 to “. . . be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.” Why would Paul make such a statement if judging is wrong? In I Corinthians 2:15 Paul says, “But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man.” Judging is not a sin; judging is a characteristic of being a spiritual person! Satan has been lying to us, hoping that we will NOT judge, because he knows that the right kind of judgment PLEASES God and betters our lives and Christian service

    July 21, 2016
  • Avatar
    fayte

    After taking my time to read all the comments,liking and replying those that arrested my interest,I have this to say. God’s word is a mirror, not a camera with so much filter apps..when we dress up,we look in the mirror to have a true and better view of ourselves. Some people correct the errors while others tell themselves, fashion is a thing of the mind and go ahead the way they are. I’m not surprised at the reactions here. It is only Christians that should walk on egg shells while speaking the word so they don’t offend anybody…really? It pains me,that someone will boldly say I’m a Christian but counter this article outrightly. They don’t go together. An apostle addresses a group of people as fools in the bible..beloved,sometimes its good to address things exactly as they are. “Call a spade a spade” applies in every situation. Tone, message, all correct. Because its sex related and you love it,you are saying judge not abi? When its a robbery,cheating,lying,betrayal case, people will think you have 3 degrees in law because of the way you will judge the case. The fact that you don’t buy the abstinence talk doesn’t change God’s word. Neither does geographical location or the age we live in. My happiness is this…. Whether you argue from now till yesterday,lol, you know the truth. Case closed.

    July 21, 2016
    • Avatar

      Praise God! The truth doesn’t change.

      July 22, 2016
  • Avatar
    Shewa

    *I don’t think she’s focused on women alone, I see in her bio she runs a programme called ‘chastity for men’

    *Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body

    *I’m really happy this is coming from a non-virgin- shows it can be done

    * That being said , if you want to have sex before marriage, stand the risk of getting pregnant, stds, reputation dragged through the mud,heart broken -go ahead – when it’s God’s time to touch your heart ,he will- many of us convert after someone does us dirty anyways so it’ll all work out

    * We need to read our bible more ,God created us and the bible is the manual for life.How can you live right without know what the word says

    July 21, 2016
  • Avatar
    ENIGMA

    This gets me wondering about young girls who are sexually abused for the better part of their lives…they didn’t have the choice…what about married people that gets divorced and are back in the market…life is never certain that is why God gave us Grace…a lot of people quote scriptures but I wonder if they truly know God…His ways are not our ways..lets teach with love.
    Thanks

    July 22, 2016
  • Avatar
    Oluwiz

    George R.R. Martin said it all : “A villain is a hero of the other side”.

    July 22, 2016
  • Avatar
    Od

    Hi @femme.

    This thread is really long and it really kills the buzz for me to scroll so much to read or answer comments, so if you don’t mind, I’ll make one reply here and give you my email to continue the conversation if you want to.

    Your first paragraph: yes, Jesus is God and we are not. He is utterly perfect and we are not, not on our own merit, at least. If that is the reason we should not judge, it is as good a reason as well for us not to show compassion. The reason is that compassion, like judgment, requires a perfect, unselfish heart that will prevent the compassionate man from pretending to care just so that he can take advantage of the one in need.

    That’s my first response. My second is this: the same Jesus said to us in John 20:21-23 that he was leaving us in the same position and authority as he himself exercised while he lived among humans. In other words, he made us the same thing that his father made him. For example, only he and the Father could forgive sins or retain them. He gave the Church that right as well in verse 23. And in John 9:39, he says that judgment was his earthly mission (judgment, not condemnation) and if you put that together with 20:21, it’s clear that it is ours now as well. And I have not mentioned his commission of us in Matthew 28:18-20 and Luke 24:47.

    My third and final response is this: judgment does not require perfect moral conduct to be legitimate. It requires unassailable knowledge of the law. Jesus took issue with the Pharisees and others because they were hypocrites, not because they were judges. He himself told his disciples to respect the Pharisees’ position and their teaching but to avoid being hypocrites like them (Matthew 23, especially verse 2). The instructions not to judge are given in the light of hypocrisy. The Pharisees bullied the people beneath them while sparing themselves of the same demands that they put on others. Their righteousness was false and therefore their judgment was a lie. What we are supposed to do is warn and encourage each other. That is, warn people doing wrong things that they are taking a big risk with God’s condemnation. We can do that even if we too are often doing the wrong things. In fact, if we do it, other people will feel encouraged to warn us when they see us screwing up as well. Then, we judge to encourage one another. When someone is doing well, we applaud them and rejoice in their success to boost their morale and keep them going in the right direction. That is good judgment.

    Your second paragraph: when you say that those who judge others for sexual failure are often guilty themselves of other sins, you too are judging them. That is why the idea that we can avoid judging is actually false. We cannot. We are all thinking people. That means that we evaluate things including human behavior. That evaluation is what is called judging. We cannot get away from it.

    No, fornication is not the ultimate sin. It is a very grave sin but it is certainly not the ultimate. That would be blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. That’s the sin that Jest said would not be forgiven in this world or in the world to come. Fornication is nasty because it violates God’s temple. It’s actually the desecration of God’s own home. Like, walking into a powerful man’s parlor and taking a shit right in the center of his Persian Rug and then smearing the filth on everything you can touch on your way out. God does not take kindly to it.

    I’m not sure why you think you’re on the way to hell, but if you are, let me assure you that that’s no place you want to be. Life here on earth is bad enough sometimes. Why prolong the trouble especially without an end in sight?

    You have my answer. If you think I love to fight, wait till you meet Jesus. 🙂

    My email is jlk172003@yahoo.com. Reach out to me when you can. I really try not to bite. 🙂

    July 22, 2016
  • Avatar
    Glow

    Na wah o! My first time here. Great job y’all are doing here. Can’t believe Frances stirred up this much controversy with her article, I’m sure it wasn’t even her intention. Buchi’s comment was just on point! Mehn! The comments though! It is well! They left me speechless. I’m just glad to know we have this much orators in Nigeria. Kudos to Frances and all who commented.

    July 23, 2016
  • Avatar

    I think this chapter by Paul to the Romans is appropriate for everyone who considers themselves to consider, in the matter of whether a lifestyle of sin is okay for Christians. I read it this morning, and I think the Bible settles the issue for anyone who is sincere.

    Roman 6 (NKJV)

    DEAD TO SIN, ALIVE TO GOD

    What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? 2 Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? 3 Or do you not know that as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? 4 Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.

    5 For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, 6 knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. 7 For he who has died has been freed from sin. 8 Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, 9 knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. 10 For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. 11 Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

    12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts. 13 And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. 14 For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace.

    FROM SLAVES OF SIN TO SLAVES OF GOD

    15 What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? Certainly not! 16 Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one’s slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness? 17 But God be thanked that though you were slaves of sin, yet you obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine to which you were delivered. 18 And having been set free from sin, you became slaves of righteousness. 19 I speak in human terms because of the weakness of your flesh. For just as you presented your members as slaves of uncleanness, and of lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves of righteousness for holiness.

    20 For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. 21 What fruit did you have then in the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. 22 But now having been set free from sin, and having become slaves of God, you have your fruit to holiness, and the end, everlasting life. 23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

    July 23, 2016
  • Avatar
    Vanilla

    Wow! This ‘express you’ was really on a high here. I respect everyone’s view here but u gotta give it to toolsman and the editors of TNC that keep upholding that regardless of anything.

    Under normal circumstances, the owner of a platform won’t have to keep up with anyone personally challenging them esp when it almost looks like an attack but just a debate.

    Christains were voltrons today!

    Its cool. We have to keep expressing ourselves and respecting each other regardless of whatever opinion or religious affiliations.

    July 23, 2016
  • Avatar
    James A

    Gosh, i wish i didnt have to add my 2cents through my phone, and here’s to hoping i make my point clear enough.
    While both sides of d arguement might have some valid points, my foucus is on the arguement of interpretation of d bible. I’m a christian by religion, not by faith. Yes, I’m actively involved in pre-marital sex, and I also understand d bible well enough to know that’s a sin. For d non-believers (worldly xtians), myself included, b4 some pple crucify me lol, d truth will always judge us, making it feel like d likes of @od, @ufuomaee are judging d rest of us. I believe they are speaking d truth we all know, and our conscience is judging us, as it should. @ufuomaee Ive to comnend d way u addressed ur pts, and backed them up with bible verses, some pple claim they can counter ur points with d same bible. While @thetoolsman is tryna be objective, I would like to pls hear ur interpretation of d bible on pre-marital sex, fornication, and adultery. This question is also directed to everyone who claims to be a “christian.” Is it a sin to have pre-marital sex?

    I wanna also use this opportunity to say bigups to this forum, it’s both enlightening and educative, I love love love it. I would also like to suggest @thetoolsman for ur platform to have members, that way we can all have profiles, pictures and d likes. I stumbled upon d website 2 days ago, and i enjoy d level of maturity on several discussions.

    July 24, 2016
    • Avatar
      thetoolsman

      Hello James. Thanks for stopping by and many thanks for the suggestion. We are currently working on that. As for your question, I believe the bible is explicit on that. It’s a sin.

      July 25, 2016
    • Avatar

      Thanks James, for your apt contribution, and for courageously speaking the truth. We can’t only speak the truth when we are obedient to it. Even when it judges us, we must speak it and be willing to be broken by it…that we may be saved.

      Sincerely, Ufuoma.

      July 27, 2016
  • Avatar
    Tee boy

    Wow! This is plenty!

    July 24, 2016
  • Avatar
    Tess

    Wow… Thank you so much Frances for this article. To @ufuomaee @od @itunu and to everyone that stands by the truth, God richly bless you.

    Love,
    Tess.

    June 11, 2017
Post a Comment