Every time talk about chores comes up, men are quick to raise their noses and look the other way while their mothers have been known to look at anyone pro-domestic male with disdain (not all women o). Then the society too would raise an eyebrow at the thought of men doing dishes or sweeping floors.
Yea, I know some of you reading will follow suit at raising a face of disgust at the mere talk that a man should do dishes. Some of you women can’t even picture men (either your dad, brother or lover) doing any of this stuff (except you’re oyinbo or live in obodo-oyinbo).
Not only that sef. How many negative comments have I heard from men who have posted pictures or commented about other men doing dishes or some other chores in their home? The disdain and filthy comments on those men’ walls would force tears out of Aldof Hitler’s eyes.
From the misogynistic minds, to those who “claim” religion and are quick to quote the bible saying “man is the head” (though I still wonder what man being the head has to do with doing dishes or sweeping) some men in our society seem to believe it is demeaning for them to clear and clean their own dishes or help their partners out (men are the only ones who need help. Women are supposed to just find their way do their duties and still help men). They see it as a task for lesser humans (women).
An average African man would say “I am a man, the head of this family! Why should I do chores” While I’ve not seen where God distributed chores to be done by men or women in the bible (e.g men are to bring money, women are to wash plates. Lol) he has said the woman should be a help mate.
Often times we forget that the word “help” is used when we are the one doing the heavy lifting (men) but there is support from somewhere else (women). But what do we see today? So many men have taken the role of “helpmate” while women are in charge. Then we lament that women are not submissive; how can they be! You both earn daily bread for the family, then you still expect her to cook and clean after you without you raising a finger. So you want her to help you provide for the family because you can’t do that alone yet you want her to do the chores all by herself?
There are men who won’t even help their wives warm food even if all they needed to do was to punch one or two buttons on the microwave talk less of giving their women surprise breakfast in bed treat. Then you hear same men advice that a man should marry a woman who is ten or twenty years younger because women age quickly. Abegy why won’t she age? The work load on her. The burden she has to bear alone is killing. She has so much to cope with and so little resources to do that, some men are so callous that they even would not allow their wives have the benefit of a house help by selfishly insisting she has to do it all on her own because they don’t want strangers in their homes.
Eventually all these overburdening of the woman would drain her then her libido drops and she can’t perform her “duties” in bed; something many polygamous men have found as an excuse to multiply wives. So many of our men have helped age their women – women they once professed to love with all their hearts.
Unfortunately, this mess is being encouraged by mothers who have refused to train their male children. Those male children are so dependent on them, they can neither boil water nor cook noodles. These are the same kinds of sons that grow to become completely dependent on their wives and their mother’s believe all is well. In fact they frown when their son bends over to keep his house clean or stands up straight to cook food that he would eat. They ask questions like “where is your wife, what is she doing that you have to be the one in the kitchen, what is the job of your wife” as if a woman was born to cook.
No guys, if you need to eat, get a cook/chef. If you need your house clean, get a cleaner. If you need financial support, go to the bank or microfinance or any other financial institution. If you need a warm bed there are prostitutes (legal or not) for that. But if you need a companion, a friend an all in one package, someone to cook, do dishes, clean the house, warm your bed and generally satisfy you, get a wife. But you also should be ready to become an all in one package to us women (our main provider be it raw food, cooked food, emotional food, spiritual food).
Stop the illusion that men are only supposed to support their families financially and it ends there (most men can’t even do this without help). There is nothing wrong with a man calming his crying child, doing dishes, cooking food or sweeping the house. Is there?
Image via The Telegraph